Sinis, you're right, I think he does need counseling. I don't see how someone who went through that can go on without at least looking at the reasons that he got to that point. I should suggest it to him, but I doubt he'd be thrilled with the idea. But then again, do I really want to be with someone who's not at least willing to help himself? Misanthropic, unconfused, fifi... you all are right, I also doubt very much that he was coerced and manipulated into sex with her. I think that he wanted to do it. I know! That's how I feel. If he was really coerced, wouldn't he be avoiding her like the plague? Not chatting with her on the phone and taking pictures of her and going to parties at her house? He tries to make it sound like he's being such a do-gooder by still talking to her... like he's just looking out for his family and trying to spare them any misery or pain. But if he was really wanting to marry me someday, shouldn't he be looking out for me and our relationship and himself? Not just a bunch of his relatives?
kristyann
JoinedPosts by kristyann
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90
Would you date someone with a history of INCEST?
by kristyann inhey everyone!
i hope that at least someone missed me or noticed that i was gone!
i have been so busy, and i don't think that i've really been on here since june.
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Would you date someone with a history of INCEST?
by kristyann inhey everyone!
i hope that at least someone missed me or noticed that i was gone!
i have been so busy, and i don't think that i've really been on here since june.
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kristyann
Forget it, I can't get it to post with separate paragraphs. If anyone is willing to read it anyway, or copy and paste it and separate it for me, I'd appreciate it. If someone still will read it, that'd be good, cause I really need the advice!
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Would you date someone with a history of INCEST?
by kristyann inhey everyone!
i hope that at least someone missed me or noticed that i was gone!
i have been so busy, and i don't think that i've really been on here since june.
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kristyann
Hey everyone! I hope that at least someone missed me or noticed that I was gone! I have been so busy, and I don't think that I've really been on here since June. Well, I'm glad to be back. I don't know how often I'll be on here, what with school and all, but I have missed the discussions, that's for sure.
Well, I wanted to ask what everyone thinks of a new relationship that I'm in. I have been dating this guy for about 5 or 6 months, and we have gotten very close in that time. I met him in August and we've been spending lots of time together ever since. I really adore him... but he told me something the other night that really freaked me out.
My boyfriend says to me on the phone the other night that he has dark secrets that he's afraid to tell me but that are eating away at him. So I'm like "Go ahead and tell me, I just want to listen." It took him a little while, but he finally revealed to me that years ago he used to have sex with his COUSIN. With his COUSIN!!! He's about 10 years older than me, so he's in his early thirties. He says it was about 5 years ago or something, and it took place over a period of several years. He's not like some kind of hick or something (I know that's what people usually associate with this kind of thing). He really isn't at all.
He says that he feels very guilty over it now and he's ashamed and he thinks it's disgusting. He says that when he thinks of it, he wants to throw up. I think it's sick and really weird and all... it totally freaked me out... but at the same time, what's past is past, and if someone really regrets it and thinks it's sick now, I'm willing to forget it and move on.
However, the problem to me is that he still speaks with this person! He told me that it was her idea, and that she said if he didn't have sex with her, she'd tell her parents and his that he raped her. So he claims he was coerced and manipulated into it. So then, my question is, why would he still talk to her? Wouldn't he not be able to stand her if she really coerced him into it? He says it's to keep the peace in the family. No one knows (not his parents, not hers, not anyone), and he says a "family war" would break out if anyone did know. He says a lot of his relatives are old and sick and they could get worse or die from the conflict and the shocking, disturbing news.
But I have a problem with it. I know that if I told him I had been having sex with a cousin or whatever of mine, he'd FLIP if I still talked to them! He doesn't want me to talk to anyone I've ever had sex with or even been on a date with at all. So I don't see why he shouldn't follow his own rules. He still talks to this girl on the phone, takes pictures of her at family events, goes to her kids' birthday parties, hangs out, etc. I think it's sick! He always talked about her just like any other family member, but little did I know the truth. It really freaks me out. I suppose that he is well within his rights to do that if that's what he REALLY wants to do, but I also feel that I am well within my rights to ask that he doesn't do it if he wants to be in a relationship with me, and if he doesn't comply, that I am also well within my rights to leave him.
The whole situation is very awkward and uncomfortable. I am broken hearted over it. I adore him so much and I am devestated to find this news out. What will happen at family functions? His mother is sick and will probably die soon... and this particular cousin happens to be his mother's favorite niece. He will obviously want me at the funeral very much, but I don't think it's fair that I'd have to go through the torture of seeing her and being reminded of this sick situation at the funeral. Or at other people's funerals (which it's inevitable that there will be a lot of, since he has a lot of old, sick relatives) and weddings or whatever other family functions. It's just not normal, and it would be too painful for me. Plus, I know he'd have a hard time if it was the other way around... he has said so.
We have talked about marriage (not for now, but WAY, WAY in the future)... but still, I don't know if I could marry someone who has had a relationship like that and then still sees and talks with the person... and then I'd have to see her at events and whatever else. It's awkward for everyone, I know, but I don't think many women would have an easy time with this (or many men, either). But I am just devestated to find this out because I like him so much! But I mean, really, is it fair that I should have to deal with this crap for the rest of my life if I were to ever get extremely serious with him and have a life together with him? I can't see a future of having to tolerate her phone calls, pictures of her, get togethers with her... I just can't see it. It would break my heart and turn my stomach.
Should I just get rid of this relationship and move on? Try to ask him to see it from my perspective and see how he reacts? Deal with it? What would you guys do?
edited by request Lee
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Children who claim to remember past life
by frankiespeakin inthe university of virginia has a unit in the department of psychiatirc medicine that investigates these claims.
here is a link to this unit:http://www.healthsystem.virginia.edu/internet/personalitystudies/.
and here is a partial clip:.
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kristyann
I am generally suspicious about these kinds of things. I generally think they are probably faked or set up.
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WTS getting desperate, Notes from CO talk
by doinmypart inhere are my wife's notes from the co talk this past tuesday.. 1c christians preached despite demonic activity (acts 4:1,2).
acts 4:18-20 shows they continued b/c they had god's spirit.
acts 5 all the apostles were imprisoned and about to be put to death, but were beaten & released instead.
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kristyann
Thank you again for the help, AuldSoul. :)
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The good thing about all the convention invitations...
by sass_my_frass in.
.... is that, at any time in the future, if you happen to be talking to a jw who doesn't know your history, you can make believe that you learned all this stuff at that one convention day you attended because somebody gave you an invitation to a district convention.... 'yeah i tell you, i mean you people seem polite and all, but i can't stand that they spent the whole day telling the children that they can't go to college, and that they kept saying over and over that the end is near....'
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kristyann
I have never gotten an invitation to a convention. Maybe cause there aren't many JWs around here? How do they usually send out the invitations, too? Door to door with the rest of the crap? Do they stick it in one of the Watchtowers or something?
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If you had a couple of JW email addresses....
by JH in.
i dont know if you have the email addresses of some of the witnesses in your congregation, but if you did, would you send them links and send them apostate stuff..... .
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kristyann
Matt used to send his one sister some information from freeminds.org but she never paid any attention. She's not really "in" the organization, anyhow, but it would have been nice if she would have looked at them.
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Did I miss something? Is this the new resolution at the D.Convention?
by Star Moore in1. we are determined to intensify our preaching activity.
2. to live up to our dedication to jehovah and give him exclusive devotion.
3. to follow jesus' example closely and be no part of the world.
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kristyann
Is this true? Is this the new resolution? How did you find out? Will it be printed in an issue of the Watchtower soon?
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I think I did something very "sick" and embarassing
by kristyann inokay... so i am super embarassed once again.
this time what happened is too embarassing to share, i think.
most people would probably tell me i am gross, too, and most of you would probably not even want to hear it so i guess that i am better off not sharing it here.
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kristyann
Oh my lanta... you have no idea how grateful I am for all of you and your stories. They made me feel SO much better. I guess that I didn't realize that so many women (or almost all) have had something really embarassing happen with their periods at one point or another... or I was just so wrapped up in my own that I thought it was the worst thing in the world and so I forgot. Your stories were great and made me laugh and made me feel SO much better. Thanks for being willing to share them. It really means a lot to me that I can actually share this kind of stuff with all of you and that you all reassured me that I am fine and perfectly normal!
Thanks again for all your encouragement and the good stories. :-) :-) :-) I love you guys!
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I think I did something very "sick" and embarassing
by kristyann inokay... so i am super embarassed once again.
this time what happened is too embarassing to share, i think.
most people would probably tell me i am gross, too, and most of you would probably not even want to hear it so i guess that i am better off not sharing it here.
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kristyann
I hope it's not disgusting... I mean, it is something best put somewhere else and not on a couch or a carseat or a skirt, but still... it's not the most disgusting thing I can think of. It's not like FILTHY or anything. But so many people seem to think so!
Thanks for the kind words... that's very nice of you. :)