PoppyR

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Posts by PoppyR

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  211

  Christmas Card exchange?

  by bem in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  has someone started a christmas card exchange list yet for this year?

  we did this in the past and it was such fun to get all the great cards.. .

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  PoppyR

  I've added my name and addy... and am hoping for more of our UK contingent! Come on guys.

  Poppy
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  20

  So close to sending in the letter

  by PoppyR in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  so, i found out today that my whole family, that is mother, older brother wife and child, older sister and husband, younger brother and wife have gone away together for a week.. previously i would have been right in the center of all that.

  this time i didn't even know until after they'd gone.

  cant say it doesn't hurt, what a punch to the gut.

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  PoppyR

  Thanks for kind words and suggestions, that's the great thing about this board, I've only read back through about 2 days posts this afternoon and found many people going through exactly the same.

  I have written and saved the letter, that in itself was cathartic! I decided to keep totally away from trying to convince them they were wrong and just highlight that I thought it was wrong that I had to lie about what I believed in order to keep my family. I still dont know if to send it, and will sleep on it.

  This may all be a moot point as last week for Halloween we all dressed up as witches and vampires, and I work in a public library, who should be one of the first people to walk in and see me dressed like that but the POs wife.. lol.

  Decided also to try and be more proactive, I was undecided about the London apostafest in a few weeks as I work until 5 and am over 100 miles away, but thought to myself it's time to stop making excuses and get out there, the last one I attended was great.

  Poppy
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  12

  Finally confronted my mother...

  by Caedes in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i finally had the chance to talk to my mum about growing up as a witness and my thoughts on her religion, needless to say it didn't go well.

  i don't think she has ever really worked out the implications are of what she believes, i pointed out that it is really difficult to relate to (and have a relationship with) someone who is looking forward to the day when her murderous little god kills her children.

  i don't think she really understood the point i was making or didn't want to think about the point i was making.

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  PoppyR

  It's a decision we all have to make for ourselves. I decided that I'd rather have a part of her in my life, as long as I could set some boundaries, than to simply cut the relationship off. Not everyone can make that decision, and sometimes I'm still not certain if it's the healthiest one for me. But it's what I did

  It's a tough decision, one I'm facing at the moment. I've had that conversation with my mum, it went badly, and ended up with us both crying and her saying she feels like loving me is like loving a cancer sufferer, she knows she's going to lose me, but not when so she doesnt' want to get too attached. She later denied saying that!

  Frustrating, but we have to try and see it's not a personal rejection. Under it all I'm sure my mum still loves me. How could she not

  Poppy
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  13

  Recovery of an Adult Convert (Reconnecting with Loved Ones)

  by lonelysheep in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  it is my third year out and a heavy period of recovery.

  speaking of which, i thought i was recovered!.

  you know that as jw's, the rule is to stay away from anyone who is essentially persuading you to not be associated with 'jehovah's people'.

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  PoppyR

  (((( Lonelysheep))))

  Guess there's something in the air, a lot of what was in your post resonates with my own feelings. My whole life I have been encouraged (read forced) to give up friendships and relatives that were not witnesses. Now I am not welcome with my witness family I have nothing!

  You have been out around the same length of time as me, I feel it's a slow process for us to catch up with people who have had 'normal' lives.

  Hopefully the mood shall pass, we will feel liberated to be out and grateful to have the platform here to find people who understand.

  Poppy
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  20

  So close to sending in the letter

  by PoppyR in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  so, i found out today that my whole family, that is mother, older brother wife and child, older sister and husband, younger brother and wife have gone away together for a week.. previously i would have been right in the center of all that.

  this time i didn't even know until after they'd gone.

  cant say it doesn't hurt, what a punch to the gut.

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  PoppyR

  Thanks for all your kind words, a rare moment of self pity for me, because my life on the whole is very good.

  Dont you think the 'go out and make new friends' is easier said than done!

  I am very lucky in the sense that I had two close friends I made through work before I left the Org, but for the past couple of years I have actively tried to seek old and new friends and find it's not that simple.

  Must try harder!
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  20

  So close to sending in the letter

  by PoppyR in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  so, i found out today that my whole family, that is mother, older brother wife and child, older sister and husband, younger brother and wife have gone away together for a week.. previously i would have been right in the center of all that.

  this time i didn't even know until after they'd gone.

  cant say it doesn't hurt, what a punch to the gut.

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  PoppyR

  So, I found out today that my whole family, that is Mother, Older brother wife and child, older sister and husband, younger brother and wife have gone away together for a week.

  Previously I would have been right in the center of all that. This time I didn't even know until after they'd gone. Cant say it doesn't hurt, what a punch to the gut. And all the scriptures about love amongst themselves and no natural affection come to mind, only applied the other way around.

  I texted my mum to say have a lovely time, and how nice it was having the whole family there, and she obviously picked up the sarcasm and sent one back saying they all missed me. In my head I can picture them talking about me and shaking heads and hoping the tough love will work.

  I sent her one back saying I am just grateful my own children will never feel that kind of rejction and that it re-affirms to me that I made the right choice. (I have faded, am not DAd of DFd but family know my strong feelings)

  My knee jerk reaction is to just send in my DA letter. I feel it would give me the freedom to actually live, and show them that I am not going to be convinced back in to the fold. I could also put up that tree!!

  I have very little contact with my siblings, they are all rock solid pioneers and elders etc, it's mostly my mum I hang on for as she is older and not in good health. I also dont give up hope that in years to come my siblings may see the light, especially as that ever promised end, doesn't actually arrive.

  Feeling very sorry for myself, and need some sympathy!

  Poppy R
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  62

  Have You Divorced And/Or Remarried- What Did You Learn From It ?

  by flipper in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  in seeing a lot of posters threads , i feel i see many people who have been divorced at one time , and either have remarried or have stayed single .

  i totally understand those who choose to stay single, as i was single for 6 years before i got married again !

  as experts say, next to death it's one of the hardest experiences you'll go through !

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  PoppyR

  Typical witness girl, married too young, and to a lovely guy, but we were so wrong for each other, I am a strong minded person and he just let me do everything, fast forward 13 years, two lovely boys and neither of us respecting the other.

  He left when I stopped attending meetings and I respected him for that. I was sorry it was over, and shed tears over it, but didnt' want to go back. He's now much happier with a good little mousey witness girl! And a sign that my feelings for him were purely platonic is that I am thrilled he's found someone else.

  Now in a relationship with someone who lights my fire, but scared about how long that can last and will we end up like every other couple, hating each other in 10 years time. I believe in marraige, and want to do it again, but dont want to be divorced again, and am very shy of the commitment. I think the grass is always greener, at least when you are single you have the choice, once married it's much harder to jump into the field next door!

  Poppy
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  36

  one in one out...odds of staying married...how long til you know?

  by oompa in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  it has been sadly interesting to see fadingeld's and others experiences unfold...wife out the door pronto and some not.

  many here are still married, one in one out.

  i have basically had a sucessful unplanned fade.

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  PoppyR

  I have to be honest, it feels to me that your marraige is rocky even without the WT.

  I think you can survive the one in, one out thing, providing there is rock solid love, commitment and TRUST there, ie you can trust her not to rat you to the elders, and that you can talk freely etc.

  In my personal experience, although I loved my hubby, we were just friends, cohabiting, there was no passion. Married too young, virginal and had just got used to each other.

  I stopped attending meetings, after a relatively short time he left, we just did not have enough love between us to survive it. I have to say.. on the most part, I was relieved.

  It's a scary 'world' out there, there are many pickings to be had, but also some people who will use and hurt. At times I've missed the security of my boring marraige and the WT society. But on the most part I'm now very aware of how short life is, and after discovering true love, true passion and true friendship, I'd never go back for anything.

  You need to examine yourself closely and ask hard questions. It can work, but you need the commitment, and so does she.

  Thinking of you

  Poppy
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  54

  Our JC

  by besty in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  dear brothers .

  you are aware that i am not present this evening following medical advice from our family doctor.

  i will attempt in this letter to give you some idea of why that is and how i feel.

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  PoppyR

  Great letter, We all know they probably wont take a blind bit of notice, but sometimes just a shred of doubt will start in their mind and who knows in the years to come?

  Regardless of that, YOU needed to say it. I really feel for you, I know the pain of losing almost everyone you've ever known and loved. It's incomprehensible to people who have not been involved with the witnesses. And although we were all familiar with the shunning, it's like a knife from members of your own family.

  It takes time, but you will rebuild your life, friendships based on people that love you just for you, imagine that! I'm sure you already feel the freedom and fresh air, but it just gets better.

  My thoughts are with you both.

  Poppy xxxx
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  42

  What's the nicest thing someone has ever said to you?

  by John Doe in

  1. jw
  2. friends
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  PoppyR

  This is going to sound very shallow, but once my ex husbands best friend described me as 'Thinking Mans Totty'

  At the time I was slightly affronted, as in someone would have to think about it first to consider me attractive, but then realised what he meant was an intelligent man would think I was sexy.. yeah.. that made my day, hell year... well actually it was 5 years ago

  Poppy