dorian:
Every situation is unique and therefore it is often difficult to give advice other than to proceed slowly and be cautious, good advice for anyone thinking about getting married. A forum such as this is no substitute for advice from a mental health or counseling professional.
What forums like this are good for is for offering insight and sharing experiences. You then can weigh what others have said and apply it to your situation as you see fit.
I am a non-JW married to a JW, and I can tell you it has caused serious problems in my marriage. However, I can't say that you'll have the same problems as I or that the same things will bother you or that you'll find intolerable that bother me and that I find intolerable.
What you should consider though are many things about the JW religion that alienate and put JWs in direct opposition to most who are not JWs. Your love for this person may be such that you can give up or tolerate these things. Not knowing either of you or if the person you want to marry wants to return or how deep is the indoctrination and mindset, there is no way for me to say.
Some things to consider:
Blood - Are you planning on having childeren? Will you allow these children blood transfusions in an emergency? Are you willing to watch your mate refuse a transfusion in such a case? This is a complex matter and I suggest you research it thoroughly and work out any difficulties with you potential mate before marrying. Here is a good place to start: . http://www.ajwrb.org/
Holidays - Are you willing to either give these up or celebrate them with out your mate?
Birthdays - Same as holidays.
JW perspective regarding Non-JWs - You mate will participate in an organization that is of the opinion that all non-members are of the world of false religion, the world of Satan the devil, and no matter how nice, kind, compassionate, caring, loving, kind and moral, and are not to be trusted. They are anxiously waiting for Jehovah God to sweep down out of the sky and rein death and destruction upon all of us non-believing, worldly people. While many Witnesses are good people and may not fully believe all that, they are still part of and actively promote the organizations point of view and agenda.
Time - If your potential mate returns most of their free time will be spent in organizational activities (attending meetings, preparing for meetings, door-to-door preaching, assemblies, conventions).
Friends and social life - JWs, for the most part, socialize within the group. Considering their view of outsiders, this is not surprising. You and your potential mate could have entirely different social circles and activities.
Rules - The Witness religion is full of unwritten rules and these effect their relationships with others. See: . http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=17270&site=3#212409
See: . http://www.freeminds.org/psych/victor.htm for a discussion on family dynamics.
My suggestion to you is to research, research and research. Talk with a mental health professional knowledgeable about high-control groups. I would also suggest pre-marital counseling to iron out any difficulties the two of you may have as a couple before taking the plunge.
Best of luck,
CPiolo
P.S. If you think you potential mate isn't going to return to the Witnesses, be careful. My future wife told me she would never return, only to do so at the first sign of difficulty in her life. The indoctrination is strong and runs deep. Be careful!
