i've written about this many times here.
my jehovahs witness mother in law has decided that she wants to be a part of our life again (this week).
we have basically disfellowshipped her from our lives because she refuses to follow our rules.
Sweetie, I am niave with saying this but somehow find a way. I have to endure constant battles with my decision because I left the "truth.'
But, I truly love the people eventhought they feel my decision is wrong. I just focus on loving and not what they say or do all the time.
Not real practical, but so far I still handle the comments, and stick to my guns so to speak.
from msnbc:.
spanking can fuel aggression, anxiety in kids .
physical discipline leads to more behavior problems, research suggestsreutersupdated: 3:52 p.m. et nov. 21, 2005. .
Oddly enough, I had a discussion about spanking a child. Although I am not a parent or charge. I did raised a niece from newborn.
I 100% believe in spanking your child when appropiate. I am not saying that children should be abuse or beaten or mistreated in such a way where the spanking has went to far. But I also believe that we should let the punishment hit the crime. Spanking should be allowed but not the only means to discipline. For example, one time I had to spank my niece for leaving out the gate of the yard after a number of warnings and talks. My nephew, the second oldest, I just told him I was disappointed in him and that was wrong because I just told him about the rules.(He lived somewhere else at the time.) Both were effective. Just as we , in America, have laws that are suited for whatever crime we should with children. Some kids just need warnigs, some need restrictions, some need lectures or visual aid to see errors, and some need spankings. I think the keys are love, self-control, thought on the parents or guardians end. We want to love enough to enforce the correct punishment, self-control not to go over or under board when punishing, and thought as to what will be the most effective way to cause are
children to listen and learn whatever rules we set.
I love wine. But love to try others such as a cosmo or margarita. Oh, and Brandy Alex.
Coffee I drink only if I must wake up early or need a Kick @pple-$auce behind pick me up.
Ahh, Afraid to say this because of the dirty looks or the dumb ones I may get. But I hate BEER! I tried it. It tastes like dirty water.
Pizza is a must. Although I'm an all american hamburger, french fries, and apple pie with Ice cream lover. That is my fave food there.
this is the start of an article i am writing about the challenges of jw/ex-jw couples face when trying to find friends.
i need your help, finging me ideas on where to find friends, how to make friendships, and how to keep them.. tetrapod.sapien asked for this topic.
but i decided to tackle it a little differently than my polls.
Pretty good advice there. I'm reading about how to be a friend. You know what I think would a problem is that I have some differences. For example, I love romance; But I am guessing I am the only one who did not
see and still don't want to see the movie called, Titanic. Although I love Celine Deon songs, the only song I can't stand is My heart will go.
today is thanksgiving.
time for family & friends.
sady, thanks to the watchtower org., i have few of either.
Sweetie,
I am a newbie here. So in short I don't even celebrate the holidays. But what helps me are thinking about others who are misfortunite.
When there's is somebody in sad sorry state, they are others in sorrier ones. My life is nothing but drama. Try thinking good thougts.
Don't dwell on today. It's just a day. You know the song , Find one hundred ways? Well, Boo hoo. Just because some family don't share
the holidays does not mean you can't love. I may have left the JW org and don't celebrate holidays. But I know how really necessiry it is to create gifts or times or special days to give to people things. Really people so much into these days. Shoot, I want new full-size wooden bed.
But I'm not going to feel sad because of not having it on the world's special over kill thrill day or days. I got more stuff and people to care about!
thank you for your words.. i am sorry if i left somethings unclear or about what kind of help i need.
in truth, the first of what i needed was to hear and read.
the very things said.
To cellist,
I have two conditions. one is multiple scelorsis, and the other is muscular dystrohy. Despite my terrible grammer with the message
boards, my strong subjects are english and languages. you have to exuse me, I'm rusty with both right now. What holds me from school is my academics in terms of my mental itellect. Earth speak, I never been tested for attenion disorder or dislexa or any other disorders that my have effected my school grades. Ergo, why I have put hold on school. My comprehension is slow, but I am smart in a lot of different ways.
I am more of a Martha Stewart person. I like cooking, my art is unique at best. Although I don't want child, I love children. I'm a child at heart.
One of my art pieces that I did was of the The Batman symbol. I used paint tones of black, purple, and gray. My art instructor said I really
connected with that one. I am into anything that is constructive, and I have many ideas. I am disabled but I am a normal woman. So don't be
afraid. Believe me, I'll tell ya if I don't like or it won't fly. I am a candid gal. babe
thank you for your words.. i am sorry if i left somethings unclear or about what kind of help i need.
in truth, the first of what i needed was to hear and read.
the very things said.
Thank you for your words.
I am sorry if I left somethings unclear or about what kind of help I need. In truth, the first of what I needed was to hear and read
the very things said. The insane thing is, for years I kind of lived in this fantasy world of sorts. In the past, I kinda lived in this personal
world with my chores, art, writings, and books . I don't want to give a sob sorry. So please don't take offense of me boring you or making you feel pity. I just need honesty, words, and thoughts outside of my own head and my couselor. One of the huge problems is that I don't have friends or people I could throw ideas or words out too. (With that mention, please exsuse me if I say things wrong, very niave, or stupid)
Here's more of where I come from. I used to live under the shadows of other close( but I never felt close) relatives who were witnesses. Eventhough, I was the follow the rules good girl (Okay, laugh here, I had my bad girl moments now and then but nothing major!) I suffered from a disability, terrible shyness, and an unfully detected depression. Pretty much, I felt like and some ways lived like the hunchback.I felt like the poster girl for being the world-class screw up: Never pretty, always a stutter bug, weak, stupid, and very niave.
Sadly, my relatives knew to a degree about how I was and added to it. My parents, well, I had a grandmother who was alive and sick at the time: In fact dying. During the same time, I had a older sister who turned to the streets ended up with a baby with special needs. My sister was rightfully declared unfit to raised my niece, and my parents took my niece in; however, only until my sister pulled herself together. I was ten when everything was going down. So I learned to hide my pain and become the roles that I needed and required to be. I felt (sometimes feel today) unlikable. But, the pain then was buired more for me because I loved my niece. I should say in many ways, she saved my life. I grown up fast. That's why at 24, I say I feel old.
I learned about midnight feedings, dirty diapers, homework, playtimes, and sensing moods. More importantly I learned about loving the child despite her needs. Because of my own disability, I understood and help guard and guide her in the schools, community, and life. She was my buffer. That's the way I found life about sex, romance, or other subject through books. I was teased all the time in school and the community. And extra stress was the popularity/power struggle in the hall with my relatives who were the in crowd.
When I was younger, I use to wonder what did I do wrong? Why didn't people like me? Being ten and growing up depress, I did understand what I do now while my parents took care of those I mention before. I never fault my parents really because I knew how important the things they had to do were, and I did not want to add or be selfish and stop everything because of me. So my peace became my imagination, creativity, compassion, books, and writing. Twelves years went by, actually, now about 14 years went by.
Two years ago, at age 12, my niece went back to her mother. My sister gotten her life together. That left a huge empity void for me. My parents and I had my niece such she was a newborn. I remember helping my niece go through the transition period of changing homes. I helped pack her thiings. And I remeber the day she really left. I was writitng a college
essay for my class, when my sister picked her up. Eventhough I knew my niece still had require visits. I stopped paused my essay, hug and kissed my niece good-bye. And I went back to my room and computer essay and tears fell down my face as I wrote alone. The reason I'm telling you this is because it was at that moment in my life when I realize that my life was changing in a more intense way. My grandmother died, then was twenty, my youth was lived (LOL limitedly but gone) I was left with that void. During the years I helped raised my niece, I positively told her about me, who her mother was, and about who were grandma and grandpa. In the past, instantly, I buried emotions deep,
I was this duitful and responsible daughter, and a aunt/sister/ suggrogate mother. Then, suddenly, I was that twenty year old.I was left with some adult decisions to make. I was this virgin who did process a friend outside of my parents and niece. Although my parents had long ago moved away those negative relatives and that particular cong (Although to me not far enough) I withdraw and shut down so emotionally
I never wanted or allowed anyone to ever get close to me. I somehow learned to be alone. If I was alone, no one could see my flaws or how much a screw up I was. But I was a ghost in the sense where I watched people and held compassion for those who hurt. The best way to forget your pain, is to think and feel someone else's is what I literally learned. Happily, I changed some of the things in my life.
I had quit being an unbaptize publisher and attending the kingdom hall meetings. My parents and almost half of my family were witnesses. Since I had never addressed past emotions, and found out what I wanted out of my life. I stopped. I felt any decision I would made would not have been honest such as why I became a unbaptize publisher; I only wanted to be notice and was competing with a popular family memeber around the same age. I lived on my own for a while and went to school until my parents hit a rough time, and I had a shot of a dream since I had since nine. Since I was nine, I always wanted to leave my homestate and move far away from my relatives and the dead life that was my memories. So, since I was the only single sibling with the power and capability, I talked with my parents about living with me out of state and about their care. They weren't happy about my decisions but they dealt.
So what help do I need? I live in a new state. been here for a year. I am poor and limited. However, I have dreams and ambitions. Here they are:
(Okay, laugh if you must. God knows you probably want me to shut right about now). My dreams are to become a better person, to look and feel better, to live a simple life, to plan someone else's wedding, to work in a enviroment doing something for people. My dreams also included helping Harliquin create a new romance series and to finally go to Walt Disney world in Florida. One of the simpler ways to put 1,2,3 dreams is being a homemaker. Creating a homey atmosphere is my attempt at a simple life. Doing household chores, cooking dinners that are ediable, and being able to pay bills are things that make me happy. I love listening to Elvis Presley's songs while folding laundry or wiping counters. My other ambitions is a to a ghost. Sounds crazy but hear me out. I love to help people to achieve without the credit. When I think about doing something, I am incline to pick something that is in the area of being behind the scenes. I think a sucessful person is a person who is define by his or her character. Material things such as money, fame, and title are not real achievements to me. Honesty, humility,fairness, and respect are huge factors in becoming a better person. I think the best way for to achieve this is a job thats more of
what I mention earlier. Although I consider myself not very materialistic, I do wish to have some things. Just simple things. I would love to create a homey atmosphere in my home.I just want a good full-size bed and stero with new bed sheets. But with me, being disabled and relying on grovement funds, your never allowed to have those dreams. I won't go there. Anyway. As to relationships, I never had a friend. So that really puts getting a date or a boyfriend out the picture. Believe me when I say I know who I am. What I want. My problem is how to get it. I have no exeprience, no skill, and school has become a problem because of disability reasons.
Once again your help is to be honest, And help me learn to be a friend. What are the do's and don't? And about your life. Inspirations comes in the oddest places.
Thank you.
ok, i'm new here, so please be gentle.
maybe the advice i need is somewhere else in this forum, but i really don't want to have to search for it, i really need some advice now and i don't have the time to sift through all of the other entries here.
so please bear with me and share any and all advice you have, even if you think it's not what i want to hear.
Hello.
First I apologize for not being able to read every other response you may have recieved, and for my virgin like and uppity approach I may take.
Another thing I will warn is never being in the position your in. Therefore my advice maybe not be resourceful for you. Now, I think you need to put yourself out of the element of your J/W boyfriend, and focus on your personal convictions, beliefs, etc and so does he. To me, love is being able to not view things as a burden, but as a certain gift of sorts of a person. For example you have mix feelings about his beliefs or about holidays with family. But, the truth is you need to come to a terms with where you can either acept or end you relationship. One of the things I hate, and I 'm sure that after this I'll be avoided like a plague, is false or half truths about Jehovah witnesses. I personally don't agree with something with the JW org, but I do however understand the beliefs and respect to some strong degrees about the laws enforced.
You view holidays as something wonderful as well as your faith. I don't want nor wish to argue, convert, or change your view. (I would be to
two-faced and dishonest if i did) Perhaps for food of thought, you need to talk to a kind, really sincere, and active witness. Find out about
why holidays aren't really celebrated, and not what you read on the internet or books. (Helpful advice, many people speak out of various reasons: Some out of harm.Some for good.Some out of spite. Some out misunderstanding. Your a smart girl be careful and always think of what's the writer's angle, and thier reasons for why they speak.)
Not to changed but to understand. Because when you understand, you may be likely to not view
certain things in very negative matter. For instance, a mother may tell a child don't go to a certain park. But the child may see other children
playing there, and say his mother is just hateful because the others kids are having fun in that certain park, and she just says 'no.' However,
maybe the mother of the boy knows that the park is a high marked area for sexual predators or certain dangers that other parents aren't aware yet. So to protect him, she says, 'no.' Another thing to consider is that while witnesses may not have the fun or glamor of the comon holidays. When you meet the ones who are true and active J/W, They have strengh of love and unity . And they do do fun things. Not on the scale to which most maybe common. Sometimes days have be invented. One of my favorite memories is with my mother and niece. Before Thankingiving holidays, my parents and I would go rent a cabin in the mountains with other members. We did nature walks, held bon fires, took pictures. My mom, niece, and I would collect nature stuff, take them home, make fresh hot coco or apple cider ,and make art out of the things we found. Plus, I had alone TIME and PEACE. I love to read, so I had endless time. It was a quiet fun.
Bottom-line this matter resides with HIM and YOU. You both have to make personal very differcult decisions. He has to decide if he truly wants to be a witness. He has to make a one choice deal. If he views being a Jehovah witnesses as a burden or a hardship that is to
hard to follow, then he has to be honest and deal. You have pretty much the same chioce. My final advice is if you two do not
handle or wake up and deal with this now, it will grow and grow until the problem will hurt more than it should. It was a pleasure
writing to you, and I sincerely hope things works out for both of you.
i used to be mouseywhite.
but, i changed that.
would anyone like to to talk?
Hello,
I used to be mouseywhite. But, I changed that. Anyway. Would anyone like to to talk? You see, years ago, around where I was twenty, I both resigned and was privately reproved from the truth. One of my the main factors about me is that I try to be as honest as possible. That's why I'm going to tell more of my background. I was raised in the truth with loving parents who were just blind to my personal torment. I was never abused not sexually or verbally from the past congregations. It was just emotional. Like highschool, never being felt as if your part of the in crowd sort of thing. I never did anything wrong (yet) or showed any behavior that was considered ill-mattered. In short, just a regular boring shy/girl who followed the rules and been quiet.
My problem is that I'm a woman,24, now. And I still take care of my parents. Eventhough I believe to some degree about the morals and laws I was taught, I'm am very passionate about not returning to the JW org. I live with my parents because I love them very much and take care of them. But along with that arrangement comes the constant guilt, personal pain, and defense of my decisions. My parents are hoping that I will somehow changed my mind, or that I will follow in past foot steps of pretending I was happy and going along with the crowd; while in a faith I'm not sure I really support. It's crazy! I don't want others to read this and think
I never considered moving out, or on with my life. In fact, I had my own apartment and college classes. but my parents are sick and getting older, and unlike many, I believe in returning the favor of caring for your parents. So I moved out because I realize that as much as they drive me insane, I love them, and I love being that caretaker. It's just have anyone ever been in in this place? I mean you believe in no smoking,no premarital sex, the bible laws about being gay, and just being an honest joe or jane while living life in the world that caresless about giving
and more about me first? I'm a mess. Just give me any words and I'll try to help improve my life here. I never been good with words. I never
had a friend or life before. Heck, I never been kissed. I just need to re-vamp the closet that is my life. So if you can get the concept or
idea of what I'm trying to say, let me hear it. And like I mention, I'm candid. So, if you feel the need for details of why I gotten privately reproved, or why I resigned, (LOL) I will put you to sleep and tell the tale. good-bye
