You're a brave girl linzlou. If this is the first place you've come to then you have done a very difficult thing.
You can't hear this too often; You are not to blame.
I understand how you can be feeling guilt ridden, after all, you probably came to know this abusive man from several angles.
His decision to kill himself was entirely his own. He had choices, such as stopping his behaviour and getting help, but he chose another answer.
Get help now as already suggested and please post soon so that we're not worried about what you're doing.
Love
Pete
bigmouth
JoinedPosts by bigmouth
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38
New here,i hope someone might help,my abuser hung himself
by Linzlou24 inhi,ummm ive just discovered this site and im not sure why im even writing this but im at rockbottom and i dont know how feel,maybe im just searching to find someone who might understand and help me understand because i feel so alone and ashamed,confused and sad,even people might find me bad because of how these events turned...but im not bad inside,ive always been such a soft caring person at heart,im a good person just always been lost,alone and confused....ill try not babble too much but from the beggining dad was here one minute,not the next and then not at all,to this day still never bothers,mum remarried when i was about 4,this was the guy who sexually abused me at 7,{mum never knew},they had a baby together...i found my brother dead in his cot,he died from cotdeath,and it was just all downhill from there with my life,that was after my brother i was abused by him....they split when i was around 8 and i guess my mum looking back now on it now just went on her own mission but it wasnt easy for me,she fell for another guy and we moved from one place to the next,every time i started a new school and made friends,it was time pack up and go and start all over.....
mum settled again and remarried a third time when i was around 12,id started a new high school,maybe its just those teens but i went off the rails with mum,i was terrible,didnt mean to be,but i blamed her for all my hurt and life and id rebel at everything,drinking started,running away started and i just wish now i could have felt close when alls i wanted was to love and be loved back...the next bit until now{im 25 now} is what is killing more than ever and id very much appreciate your thoughts because im lower than ever and still scared....mum is very much here in my life now...its only been a few months but shes heartbroken and the love and understanding has been tremendous off her,she blames herself but i blame me.....
when i started the new highschool i met this girl,she became my friend at the time and it was so good to have a friend id do anything she said....anyway she needed some money once and said i know this guy you can come to with me and he will pay you to touch your boobs,thats when it started i agreed because if i said no then shed probably laughed at me,so i went....,it sounds strange{he was nearly 50} but he was very very nice,and said i dont like the person whos brought you up here,shes nasty...,i hated him touch me but i was scared....but at same time i felt i could really trust him,me and this girl never did stay friends....theres another big big part in all of this,but from 13 this guy became the bestest friend i ever had in my whole life,but everything was a big secret,its lasted years...he had an hold over me,though i knew he was supposed be my friend i knew he musnt really be one else he wouldnt put me through the torture of crying and not coping when i had my baby...my babe is 8now but still when i let him touch my boobs so i can buy the best part of my life something nice or take him somewhere that man would buy bigger and better and undermine all my hurt....
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bigmouth
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Why Not Forgive God, It's His First Time Too!?
by bigmouth insome tips i've learned from jehovah on how to be a father: .
if the kid makes one mistake,banish him, just get him out of the house.
if anyone else pisses me off they can go play with the kid.
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bigmouth
Some tips I've learned from Jehovah on how to be a father:
If the kid makes ONE mistake,banish him, just get him out of the house.
If anyone else pisses me off they can go play with the kid.
When the kid has children, they can suffer the same punishment as their father, forever.
Don't talk to me, I'm busy. Here read this letter. Yes I know it's long but I'm going to let you have 6000 years to figure me out. NO! I'm not going to give you the facts!
If you want me to be your father you're going to have to draw close to me first.
I am NOT going to protect you from starvation and disease until you learn to play nicely.
Stop whinging! If you can't take any more, just top yourself. Weakling.
Because I'm God! That's why! After all I've done for you, this is the thanks I get!?
Don't blame me, this is Adams fault and you kids are just like him. -
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Hazeljane
by candidlynuts in.
you asked in your first post i'm just curious, is there anybody else on this sight from england, because everybody so far seems to be american or canadian.. cheers.
i'm american but yes there are some from england.. i posted this so they can say hi to you and welcome !
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bigmouth
Welcome hazeljane, there are a handful of Kiwis here and a few more Aussies.
We click on to much of what you're saying because of a similar culture. The Americans and Canadians have their own little turns of phrase that take a moment to figure out.
Pete -
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bigmouth
Christadelphians, I think. Oh, and Jehovahs Witnesses. Who were you thinking of?
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Film Scenes that got burnt onto your memory
by greendawn inwhat were some film scenes that pleased or horrified you so much that they stayed vivid in your memory for a long time?
the one i always recall is the scene where anthony hopkins (playing as hannibal lector) lobotomised ray liotta (paul krendler) cutting off pieces of his brain and giving them to him to eat.
he also took some of liotta's cooked brain in a plane and gave them to an unsuspecting passenger boy sitting next to him to eat.
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bigmouth
Trainspotting-junkies dead baby.
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Welcome scorchio
by MissBehave ineveryone say hello to scorchio.
i look forward to his very informative and insightful posts.
and if his posts so far today are a good indication i know i will be well entertained.
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bigmouth
"scorchio" may have reference to the Spanish weather presenter in The Fast Show by Paul Whitehouse. (Brilliant!)
This ones a complete tool though. I suspect from the way he phrases himself that he's not English and possibly not a man. Most Englishman would have got at least a guffaw from me by now. -
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Did U Know A Lot Of "Cuckoo" JWs???
by minimus ini knew a number of elder's wives that were nuts.
one in particular used to talk to herself regularly.
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bigmouth
I attracted nutters like a magnet! (yeah, birds of a feather....). Somehow I always ended up in FS with a brother who never took his pyjamas off. You'd see the elastic above his belt and they were longer than his trouser legs! No sense of humour that man.
The bipolar Pio. sister who would place HUNDREDS of mags a month. No-one believed her, but she had a mighty stash of old issues that would be shoved under every door. Probably a few Consolations in there.
My favourite was a guy that was on personal terms with Jehovah and was setting churches alight to get a head start! I met up with him as a fellow psych patient in hospital and he recognised me!! He was disfellowshipped of course but I think the elders liked his attitude. -
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Tasmania!
by Frog ina few on the board have mentioned they'd like to visit this great land one day so i thought it was about time i wet your appetite with a few pics...careful that it doesn't give you tas-mania (lol, bad play on words ;) enjoy !
hobart, constitution dock.
hobart city centre, post office square.
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bigmouth
Crikey-dick frog! You win the posting competition!
But we've heard some very strange things over here about Tasmanians.
I think the Kiwi equivalent is about people who live in Gore! -
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Regarding the Pledge of Allegiance....
by Princess inat our monthly poker party the other night, things were going well until my brother "went to the bad place" as my friend julie says.
julie's husband is a second grade teacher and during a discussion about the daily flag salute, he mentioned he has not led his class in the flag salute all year.
he was never a dub, just doesn't believe in children being forced to recite a pledge at such a young age.
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bigmouth
We don't salute the flag or utter some oath in NZ. Respect is given to the flag at international sports matches I guess. I think that most NZers see saluting or reciting something as a bit 'American" and fanatical. We find the patriotism as shown in movies with brass bands and marching girls a bit stomach churning!
This probably reflects our more relaxed attitude to life and the belief that "she'll be right". -
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Regarding the Pledge of Allegiance....
by Princess inat our monthly poker party the other night, things were going well until my brother "went to the bad place" as my friend julie says.
julie's husband is a second grade teacher and during a discussion about the daily flag salute, he mentioned he has not led his class in the flag salute all year.
he was never a dub, just doesn't believe in children being forced to recite a pledge at such a young age.
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bigmouth
We don't salute the flag or utter some oath in NZ. Respect is given to the flag at international sports matches I guess. I think that most NZers see saluting or reciting something as a bit 'American" and fanatical. We find the patriotism as shown in movies with brass bands and marching girls a bit stomach churning!
This probably reflects our more relaxed attitude to life and the belief that "she'll be right".