Whats up everyone. Im from Houston, Texas and i have been disfellowship for 7 months now. Im 24 and i have been in the lie for about 4 years. Jah hopeless witnesses always have interested me since my mom had the material laying around her room. I felt like i had the truth and these were the people i should associate with. They had my same thinking on things..which i was excited to hear..i couldnt wait till i set my foot in a Kingdum hell..for the first time. I felt really nervous and i expected the people to act like what i read in the watchtower and awake material. I was greeted with smiles by elders..and a few "male" publishers. It seemed like that they were assigned to approach me. My first book study i ever went to..i dont know if anyone besides myself have experience this but..i couldnt stop smiling and holding in my laugh...the whole thing seemed phoney, forced, programmed, unnatural, and not realistic. I expected more social involvement in the kingdum hell and book study.
The meetings were soooooo boooooring and dry. I felt like i was not gaining anything from these meetings but hello how you doing from people. I did enjoy the luxury of going out to eat after meetings several times with my study partner who was an elder. I have also gone to park ranches several times to. The brothers were playing basketball..and i couldnt believe how good they were..here i am thinking these christian angelic men could not be good at basketball..man was i fooled big time..i almost got into it with one player with his elbowing. I didnt win one game. When we were about to eat..this sister gave this prayer that felt so weird..she never mention jesus in the prayer..it was all about Jehovah with the witnesses..and jesus being a second class person next to almighty jah.
I can admit that i kinda liked the assemblys...only because they had some nice looking sista's! I remember one sista jus putting a hole through my head and we never broke eye contact..she was moving forward..everytime i moved forward..she felt like i was gonna approach her..but i never did..it was so strange..and i cant recall myself doing nothing like that before. It was nice to see all these couples together..and i was hoping one day i,ll find that girl in the "truth" and be at these assemblys together...Never happened! My congregation had no women to select from...even from around the area where i went with my bible conductor to hear his public talks. It was very frustrating...that all these years going by "im unbaptized publisher" at this point..that not ONE female in the truth appear. Im like this must be a joke. i did manage to "hug" some "married" sista's though..but it seem like that what was all there. At my congregation their was one "under age" sista who showed interest..but she was not even close to 18...but i know i wasnt gonna wait till she turned "18". I had needs as a man that needed to be filled. I desired companionship and was not getting it. I went weeks missing meetings..and when i return..it was the same way. I met a sista online from cali who later married that i was talking to. She was very nice and sent me a book bag. I told an elder that i was talking to a sista..and he told me..does she know your not "baptized" im like huh? She suppose to not talk to you...in the back of my head im wondering so that explains why i never had girlfriend in the "lie". The girls will only give you the time of day by doing Jehovah's will..getting baptized..and spreading lies.
Im sure Elders made sure the sista's didnt get to close to me..until i showed FULL devotion to the truth. I deff knew this was happening. I was being judge as possible mate material by the hours i put in Slaughter i mean field service, meeting attendence, and talks. My bible conductor even admitted it. So last year i gave myself to Jah in water baptism..and wanted to do his will...and he would add all other things for me...NOT! I still was getting no action..same married couples and elderly people filled the hall. Here i am 23 and filled with lust, fire, and passion..with no relief in sight. I lost control..and ended up committing the deed that got me disfellowship. I told my conductor who was disfellowship when i was still going..when he got back into the lie as a clean jehovah's Witness. He was like i understand..it aint easy brother...so who u feel comfortable going to confessing your sin? I was like brother..so and so..because he doesnt look serious all the time..and he started laughing. So i talked to the elder and he sets a witch hunt meeting with me. I didnt showed the first time when i said i be there..and he leaves this message..brother we are not playing..this is a serious matter..if u dont show..we will take action against you.
I showed up and spilled all my beans on the table..and they told me to wait outside...the meeting room..i can hear them discussing..but couldnt make out what they were saying. So they welcome me back and made there decision to disfellowship me based on a unrepentant attitude. Been gone ever since..January..and never went back.