There is another possibility, John, and it may not be easy for you to swallow at this point.
I never asked the questions you are asking. One of my best friends who left has never asked them either. I have several friends who were in the Watchtower, and only 1 out of 15 ever brought this up.
This is the point where you might get mad if I say anymore, and it's a normal response. Usually when you tell a person what I am about to say you get a lot of denial, anger, hostility, and in some cases even hateful and violent responses. So take a deep breath...
What you are experiencing is called "survivor's guilt," and it's not uncommon for people who have survived traumatic events like disasters, car accidents, plane crashes, and even escaping cults. Some Holocaust survivors have it, and it was the experience of the main character in the novel and film "Ordinary People" for which Timothy Hutton won an Oscar.
"Survivor's guilt" is a symptom of post-traumatic stress syndrome. It's generally characterized by asking "why me?" Survivors often believe they were not good enough to survive and that others deserved it more. They can blame G-d for not being there to save "more worthy" people. It can be accompanied with other forms of distress like unipolar disorder.
Now I am not a psychologist or medical doctor, and I can't say for sure that you are dealing with this, but it's not uncommon. Sometimes the only symptom is anger.
The truth of the matter is that many factors play a part in why some people survive and some don't. I'm not the one to go into a full discussion about this because if there is a slight possibility you may be showing signs of PTS syndrome, you should see a medical doctor. It can be as destructive as the disaster or cult if not treated.
Not everyone feels this way. And not everybody who "wakes up" chooses or has the courage to leave. And, to be honest, not everyone is really "asleep" in cults. There's still debate about it, and probably always will be, but there may be a lot more free will and less brainwashing in systems like the Watchtower than people would like to believe. The only experience you need to worry about and can is yours.