Posts by stolenyouth

22

Depression and disassociation

by lily of the valley in

first posting.

just a brief question, is any one on the site actually qualified to deal with issues of depression and other non pyschotic mental problems?

if so would they help without being directly asked ( very unlikely is someone is depressed )?

stolenyouth

Hi frog, the person to whom I refer causes me frustration not hanging around the board.

Also having moderators email said person privately to let him know I posted about him really frustrates me because 1) the posting was done in a name he knows to be me deliberatley to communicate with him in the only media he responds to 2) it is a very silly thing to get involved in someone else's marriage 3) it is an abuse of trust to not respond to a message by me to me but run off tattling and telling tales about things which they have no idea and I mean no idea, to someone they don't know sweet fa about.

Growing up as a JW did not do his head in, having a physically abusive parent and very very very dysfunctional family did. They no doubt became JWs in a desperate ploy to fix their family life. As long as he tells himself it is the JW thing messing up his life he doesn't deal with real problems. It is not a healing strategy it is an avoidance strategy. It is this fantasy life indulged in by said person, whilst interacting with other members such as yourself, thereby making you and others complicit in said fantasy life, that increases my angst. Having the very raw hurt of my father's recent death discussed on an open forum by said person hurts like hell. It is not all harmless fun and giggles.

As the board is an open forum and is being used as such for flirtation, lewd humour, some forms of wallowing in other people's pain for the entertainment? titillation? of members, in addition to what ever else is being discussed, I felt free to add my two cents worth. My comments were appropriate given that that act was the subject of at least a dozen posts if not the topic. And being an English speaker I am aware that in some instances the word I used may cause offence - given the topic that word was appropriate for the context in fact, that word was the context. If my husband wishes to make any public comments about my sex life than I surely have a right of reply. Its called discussion.

60

Girls help!!! What signs when a woman is interested in a guy?

by Spectrum in

generally i find that if a girl is interested in me she makes it quite obvious by her actions and words.

i'm fine with this.

however there are times when a i really can't tell and this is the problem i'm grappling with at the moment.

stolenyouth

Hi me again, trust me if you come from a background with a difficult or abusive mother it will - not may - but will cloud your relationship with any woman you are intimate with. It is a recipe for disaster for both of you in the relationship. Trust me I've been there and its not pretty.

Unlike the poor girl to whom you said nothing - I am saying be caring and compassionate. Remember as they used to say in Sunday School ( of which I have fond memories before being dragged to KH hell), ...do unto others as you would have them do to you etc... would you like to have been just dumped because someone saw a side of you they didn't like without any explanation - no offer of help etc. I'm not saying the decision was wrong its all about the way. One day someone you love will see a side of you, an aspect they have overlooked, highlighted or magnified - what if they just dumped you with no explanation.

As for being a PHd - what does that have to do with anything. Just because someone can work out pi to the nth degree means nothing - emotional intelligence EQ is not realted to IQ.

With the mother thing, seriously if you want to be in a relationship make sure you are relationship ready. If talking to girls ( you are in your 30s you should be talking to women ) makes you feel inadequate then for goodness sake learn how to love and like yourself before you try to love someone else.

As for your ex, possibly the poor girl just lost her cool because you zoned out when she talked to you or responded to triggers which had nothing to do with what she was saying or doing. From bitter experience let me tell you it happens.

Or maybe she was just a horrible person but she obviously thought you were on her wave length to say what she said to you. How did she get that impression?

Oh and one more thing although I said all men think they are the centre of the universe, I realise that this is a sexist comment and I apologise, I am now willing to concede men are people too.

60

Girls help!!! What signs when a woman is interested in a guy?

by Spectrum in

generally i find that if a girl is interested in me she makes it quite obvious by her actions and words.

i'm fine with this.

however there are times when a i really can't tell and this is the problem i'm grappling with at the moment.

stolenyouth

Why do you assume that if a man can't "read" a situation and hasn't had the courtesey to talk to the poor girl SHE is playing mind games?

Whoa, you're scaring me.

From her perspective you are the one playing games and probably creeping her out in the process.

Men always assume the world revolves around them. Just maybe she has things going on in HER life and her head that don't relate to you in any way? Get over yourself and start being a gentleman which involves respect for her privacy, even if you are"friends", her space and her intelligence. If she is interested she would say. Being polite ( agreeing to go dancing but not being too enthused) is not playing mind games. If she had said " I'd love to" then that would have been exactly what she meant. It's not too hard to work out.

15

JW FUNERAL OUTLINE english and spanish PRINT AND TAKE WITH U

by What-A-Coincidence in

funeral discourse .

remarks regarding the deceased (use any that apply and are appropriate.

(note: instead of eulogizing the deceased, use the material in this outline to give a fine witness concerning the truth.

stolenyouth

Thanks for printing that, if it isn't bad enough that one's loved ones lives are hijacked so are their deaths. I wrote out what I wanted the JW "minister" - they are not after all tribal elders and clearly their only function on earth is to preach even to the converted - to say about my father at his funeral word for word - no outline. Even so this was altered for their nefarious purposes or so I am told. I wasn't able to bear the grief of being at a witness funeral service. After all he wasn't there and those who were there didn't really know him at all - so sad.

Do they have any recommendations regarding after service and burial conduct? My mother was greatly troubled by the expectation that she should put on a "tea" refreshments and such. Many well meaning "friends" took umbrage that she did not want people to the house afterwards and they kept insisting that it was OK ( by them ! ) - they would bring a "few cakes". Privately mum was a bit indignant. After all ,she said it's not as if we're Irish!

49

Doesn't Surprise me at ALL!!!

by DirtyFace in

it doesn't surprise me at all that the man in mexico that killed his family was a wacko jw.

april 13, 2006 man slaughters family - update

eloy leon kings was, apparently, a well liked and respected man in his local community.

stolenyouth

Yes Caeomus, and so does Elvis.

46

Will the elders listen to me even though i'm disfellowshiped

by Lehaa in

he's refusing to pay maintenance.

hanging aroung with disfellowshiped people and just being a plain arse hole.

after enduring months of shit from him i'vce decided to call the elders in his congregation.

stolenyouth

Caeomas, just ask if you need help in constructing a sentence.

9

C.T. Russell's name in Adventist paper -1872

by stev in

the following notice appeared in the advent christian times, may 20, 1872, page 24. .

to correspondents .

russell, jr .

stolenyouth

How blasphemous, god, if he exists, cannot by definition need anything from us. Or does the sun still revolve around the earth?

22

Depression and disassociation

by lily of the valley in

first posting.

just a brief question, is any one on the site actually qualified to deal with issues of depression and other non pyschotic mental problems?

if so would they help without being directly asked ( very unlikely is someone is depressed )?

stolenyouth

(Lily of the Valley )Thanks to everyone and yes, I did read the info at the sites provided.

And yes, I do understand to a certain extent being an ex JW myself. By that I mean I am an ex JW not a wannabe ex JW. That is I made a rational, spiritual and emotional decision that I am not a JW anymore. It is not a matter of semantics and obfuscation. You either believe or you don't, and you must endure the consequences which ever applies. You don't get extra Brownie points in life by maintaining you were tricked or duped - it won't undo anything. If telling your story will help others then that is a good by product of living the life you had and the life you now have. But when all is said and done it is your life.

Leaving is not an easy thing, on many levels, as you all know. But it was done and therefore, I find it difficult to comprehend the endless arguments over doctrine or small victories - they seem to mean that the " not a JW but can't stop talking and thinking about it obsession" simply means you are not willing to let go and admit that even if you were "coerced" into becoming a JW as a child, and by social and family pressure to remain a JW as an adult, you are now an adult and being an adult can mean making some very hard and painful decisions.

My parents became witnesses because they were prime targets - vulnerable migrants in an unfriendly , strange new land. They were needy. They were preyed upon as such but were damn glad of it. That was their emotional crutch. I may have my own emotional crutches too. If the person I was speaking about does not wish to move on ( after 20 years!!? ) and do something with his life for whatever reasons well I guess he is making his "adult decision". But it seems an awfully negative crutch and a wasteful one when he has family and friends but ignores them to the expense of his reminiscing his "lost" life. If they were Glory Days to be relived, regurgitated, reinvented in every possible permutation then heaven help us. It is this aspect of the discusion board which can hinder and not help.

I don't believe I am not being empathetic enough.