I believe I have come to realize that i am no better than the Jdubs myself. For about six weeks now i have been going to a book study with a friend of my girlfriend. I act very interested, i give him the answers he wants to hear, i am the perfect and progressing study. I lie. I am so concerned for their souls, though. Every JW, i want to help them to know the true God and the nature and salvation of His son Yehsu. I am doing this to continue my relationship with my girlfriend. Our continuing became contingent on my studying and deciding that i would become a JW. I am so in love that it is hard to say no or that i do not believe. I have expressed my concerns with the organization to her. I feel like this is the only thing keeping us alive right now, though. She said that she would give up everything to be with me, meaning she would be disfellowshipped for me. I have already caused her to be DF'd. So do i continue my study, waiting for the opportunity to share the true faith with all the Jdubs i can, or stop. It is very interesting, though. Its a bit of a hobby to me. I am a religious studies minor (rockchalk Jayhawk!!!), and i studied with the Latter Day Saints never intending to be baptized into the faith (they decided i was wasting their time, what with my non-progression and all my faith destroying questions). I want to continue, but i do not want to lower my standards and live a lie.