i knew this day was coming but i thought somehow there might be a loophole.. i had my "last supper" with my daughter on monday.
i am disfellowshipped, her father and i are divorced, he is a witness, she lives with him and will be 18 on sunday the 5th.
therefore as a baptized witness, she can no longer visit me and must keep communication to the bare minimum.
So sorry you are going through this hun, i've got out while my kids are little i can't begin to imagine your pain. I'd reiterate what others said though and just make sure she knows that whatever she decides you will always be there for her no matter what. Hugs x
Lovely post Damocles have taken note of all that you put.
not to make light of a very important illness, but i have, i believe 'grandmother's postnatal depression'!!.
i feel totally taken advantage of and a laughing stock and a 'nothing'.
infact i feel totally unappreciated.. i am looking after my sweet little grandaughter for around 60 hours a week!
If she is working full time and getting credits is she not entitled to help towards nursery costs or are they earning too much? I really feel for you, i have a 7 month old baby and i know what hard work they are, it must be especially annoying when it is not your own! Last year when our finances were a bit sticky my mum offered to look after my tolddler so i could go back to work but i couldn't do that to her i know how tiring it is!
Is there any tactful way you could say to them that you love your granddaughter dearly but are finding it a bit hard and maybe you could cut the hours down a bit?What about her mum would she be in a position to share the care with you? I know nurseries are mega expensive i pay £20 just for a morning session at his nursery, if you make that 2 sessions a day all month its ridiculous and as you are saving them an armful of nursery costs i think you are right to be upset they haven't even offered any money.
Basically although it is your granddaughter you are doing an unpaid job at a time when you need a paid one! Perhaps the hint that you may have to start looking for another job soon as things are getting tight might sink in?xx
i posted the other day about being called on when i'm d'ad and that the elder refused to leave when i asked as i am not the head of the house!
so i wrote a letter saying what had happened and not to call again or i'd seek further action, i also got hubby (as head of the house lol) to sign it and sent a copy to the main branch as well.. we got a very polite reply this week saying that of course they'd 'respect' my wishes but wish to ascertain if hubby still wants to be a jw and have sent him an 'invitation' to join them one night next week!otherwise he can send in a d'a letter if he wishes!.
so far he's done nothing about it though i have talked him out of going, but if he doesn't send the letter or turn up will they automatically take that as him d'aing himself?just wondering if any ex elders here know as i think i ought to warn him in advance.
Docbob that letter is brilliant, have saved it to show hubby.
Yknot i'm not offended at all you only state all the things i know already. Though when i said 'got him' to sign the letter i meant asked him i did'nt use any pressure but its true he hates me getting upset by it all and his
He actually ignored his step father this morning who tried to speak, and it was me who got upset about it i just want them to have a normal family relationship-tho they never did- likei have with my non jw family, ifeel immense guilt for leaving it and knowing that if he leaves his family will blameit on me.He won't go and see his mother as she treats him as marked and won'tphone himor anything unless its an emergency.
He is non confrontational and he is i think just not going to turn up tho hes working now anyway that night.When my son was thought to be dying his mothersaid she would'nt visit as the half hr drive was too far, but she drives further for the assembly up the road from the hospital. When he was born v early and again it looked like he would'nt pull through she was at an assembly and stayed forthe whole 3 days, there was no thought of being there to help her son.Personally i think he should tell her all this but hes scared of her and a very nice person so hates upsetting others. This is why he wants nothing to do with it and for how i am treated but i am trying to see how to help him. He never was one for making decisions!
Thanks for your comments i will show the letter to hubby when he comes in.
omg that was so funny i was snorting like a piggy!
i posted the other day about being called on when i'm d'ad and that the elder refused to leave when i asked as i am not the head of the house!
so i wrote a letter saying what had happened and not to call again or i'd seek further action, i also got hubby (as head of the house lol) to sign it and sent a copy to the main branch as well.. we got a very polite reply this week saying that of course they'd 'respect' my wishes but wish to ascertain if hubby still wants to be a jw and have sent him an 'invitation' to join them one night next week!otherwise he can send in a d'a letter if he wishes!.
so far he's done nothing about it though i have talked him out of going, but if he doesn't send the letter or turn up will they automatically take that as him d'aing himself?just wondering if any ex elders here know as i think i ought to warn him in advance.
I posted the other day about being called on when i'm d'ad and that the elder refused to leave when i asked as i am not the head of the house! So i wrote a letter saying what had happened and not to call again or i'd seek further action, i also got hubby (as head of the house lol) to sign it and sent a copy to the main branch as well.
We got a very polite reply this week saying that of course they'd 'respect' my wishes but wish to ascertain if hubby still wants to be a jw and have sent him an 'invitation' to join them one night next week!Otherwise he can send in a d'a letter if he wishes!
So far he's done nothing about it though i have talked him out of going, but if he doesn't send the letter or turn up will they automatically take that as him d'aing himself?Just wondering if any ex elders here know as i think i ought to warn him in advance. I feel a bit bad as if i hadn't got him to sign the letter they wouldn'tbe chasing him now (on the other hand i admit it would be good for him to leave and let us get on with our lives!)
went to the docs today, have finally accepted that i need help getting over (or accepting) some of the huge guilt i have for things in the past.
i persuaded hubby to have it last yr and it has helped him so much that i am going to try it.
am very nervous as not one to talk about things with strangers but if it gets good results and makes me (and then my family) happy then it is worth it.
Choosing Life - Well over here my dr refers me and i can have it on the NHS, 6 initial sessions but can have more if counsellor thinks its needed. Hubby had 9 now. So very luckily for me cos my drs surgery has its own counsellor i don't have to pay. Otherwise tbh i couldn't afford it either.
Danielp - yes thats what hubby says that at first he didn't know what they could talk about but then he found he couldn't stop talking!
went to the docs today, have finally accepted that i need help getting over (or accepting) some of the huge guilt i have for things in the past.
i persuaded hubby to have it last yr and it has helped him so much that i am going to try it.
am very nervous as not one to talk about things with strangers but if it gets good results and makes me (and then my family) happy then it is worth it.
thanks Mickey Mouse, Shamus100 and Avishai, i was offered it about 16 months ago but thought i could do without as i have a great non jw family on my side who have been so supportive, plus of course this site has been great and CAIC site but i find i am going along just fine and something happens or someone says something and i turn into a snappy and emotional wreck and it brings things up again. This lady i will be seeing has not only helped hubby be calmer about things but has experience with other people from religions they've left too so she has some experience in this field. Hopefully i will learn finally to look at my glass as half full rather than half empty!It's good to know you have had positive experiences of it. x
went to the docs today, have finally accepted that i need help getting over (or accepting) some of the huge guilt i have for things in the past.
i persuaded hubby to have it last yr and it has helped him so much that i am going to try it.
am very nervous as not one to talk about things with strangers but if it gets good results and makes me (and then my family) happy then it is worth it.
Went to the docs today, have finally accepted that i need help getting over (or accepting) some of the huge guilt i have for things in the past. I persuaded hubby to have it last yr and it has helped him so much that i am going to try it. Am very nervous as not one to talk about things with strangers but if it gets good results and makes me (and then my family) happy then it is worth it. Just wondering has anyone else had it and found it to be beneficial (or not)?
i will list a number of my doubts on this subject as it was one teaching that pissed me off - as i feel it caused jehovah's witnesses not to mourn properly at funerals and show authentic compassion to others - as well as held out false hope for a " fantasyland " paradise .
these reasons i list here actually were and are taught by jehovah's witnesses as fact !
listen to how bizarre this sounds.
I used to go because i hoped if it was true my family would get through but i never thought for a moment that if itwere true that i would get through, i couldn't believe that.
It used to annoy me when they'd speculate on life after armageddon, i thought it would be terrible never to have little babies or children around, others would say well there might be, thats why the other planets were created so when earths full some can go on andprocreate on the other planets too! OMG!
I used to think how awful it would be as well sharing the planet with the same ones for eternity, how boring and annoying would that be lol!
dear family and friends,.
this is one of the hardest things ive ever written.
please forgive me for the brevity, but its essential for the clarity that this most emotional topic deserves.
I think its a great letter and similar to the one i sent in that i made sure it was polite and to the point. Whatever you have written, if it feels right to you then send it in. I was much happier d'aing than being constantly hounded and waiting for them to d'f me, i felt i could walk away with my head held high. Hubby is now in a similar situation so if you don't mind i may use some of your letter in the one we write for him! Good on you, it is a massively gutsy decision, (but personally i'd do it again tomorrow it was the right step for me).Good luck!
