Posts by LisaRose

81

your favourite Christmas music , and merry Christmas to you all

by jhine in

i am perhaps a bit behind on this but i have just listened to " grandma got run over by a reindeer " sung by elmo and patsy .

it got me to thinking about christmas songs in general ,so i thought a thread about people's favourite christmas songs would be good .

please share your fave christmas music , a carol or something more modern .to start i will list my best carol as hark the herald and my best ever chart song as santa claus is coming to town by bruce springsteen .

LisaRose

Cherish The Ladies, On Christmas Morn.

It's a Celtic group of all women.

102

Should I attend Kingdom Hall meetings to discreetly "preach"?

by CrytoJesus in

jw
friends

christians, should i attend kingdom hall meetings to discreetly "preach" to jws about the real jesus and the lies of the watchtower?.

.

i plan to go undercover and plant seeds into them.. .

LisaRose

Good luck with that.

21

Looking for others that maybe gay or questioning

by dewey79 in

jw
friends

so i am the weird case that i still believe in the jehovah's organization.

there are a couple of things that stop me from going.

is there anyone else out there that still believes?

LisaRose

I believe there is a site for gay JWs/ex JWs, although I dont know what it is.

But why torture yourself? You are gay, accept that and find a religion that accepts you the way you are, if you feel you need religion. I have read many accounts of JWs that tried for years to not be gay, it inevitably fails no matter how hard they try.

The Watchtower is not the answer.

45

can an unhappy married woman vent?

by sowhatnow in

i continue to be saddened by the fact that i am married to such a selfish man.. i want to know if i am the only wife who has no say when it comes to using the house she lives in for activities including other people.. .

let me explain.. yesterday my daugher who is 35 got a new puppy for my grandaughter who is 13. today my daughter and son in law are going to help my uncle at a job, and my granddaughter wanted to spend the day here, my daugher said shed bring her and the puppy over, i laughed and said 'your dad wont have that, ill have to go to your house'.. after all it will 'upset' the 2 cats they will hide all day [like they do anytime someone including my grandchild is in my home] .. i already knew that he would not like it if she brought the puppy over, [weve had dogs so its not like he hates them].

he doesnt care if his grandaughter would have enjoyed playing with the puppy over grandmas house, where she likes to be for a change, and that fact that id like to see what my cats would do when they saw a dog for the first time in thier lives.. maybe id have liked to play with the puppy .. when i said to my husband that my daughter said she wanted tp bring them over he said.

LisaRose

what I want is my past 20 years back when I had the energy to do something! and thats not happening. What I want I cant have. what I want Ill most likely never get to experience, namely, meeting someone with the same intrests as me , falling in love with that person, sharing freinds and family, and doing good things for others with that person.

You are correct that you can't get the last twenty years back, but you can choose how you spend the next twenty. Finding someone else is not impossible, or even that difficult. There are probably a lot of men that would be happy to have someone, and the internet makes it so much easier to find them. I found my soul mate at 45 (actually I met him at 16, long story), But even if you don't find someone being by yourself is better than what you have.

Im not so rotten as to demand that my husband sell the house and give me half. though I can. he has not done anything in the past few years that any judge would consider good enough reason to demand he surrender half his assets .

Girl, I don't know where to start with this. It's not rotten to ask to sell the house, you already own half of it if you live in a community property state. The law recognizes that even when you don't work you are entitled to property accumulated while you were married. When I got divorced my ex got half of my 401K, even though he had worked, but stupidly chose not to put money in his own retirement plan. I didn't think it was fair, but that is the law. In your case you worked all these years taking care of your husband and doing things for him, so it is fair and legal that you should get part of the house.

i dont mind being a wife, what i mind is being treated like a fleshly sister and not a wife. I get no comforting when Im sad, but Im his right arm.

I don't know you or your husband, but it sounds like you don't want a divorce, but for your husband to be more loving. If that is the case, there are a number of things you can do to change things. The most important thing is that your husband will never value and cherish you if you don't value and cherish yourself. It's very clear you have low self esteem, which is hardly surprising given your history of being a JW. They like to make people feel worthless, it's how they work. It also doesn't help that you don't have a job outside the home, people often get validation and self esteem from their job. But that doesn't mean you are hopeless, only that you will have to work at it a bit more.

You need to stop thinking about yourself the way you do. No matter what has happened in the past,you are a human being and as deserving of respect, happiness and love as much as anyone else. So stop thinking of yourself as hopeless, because you aren't. I a lso have health issues and am not employed outside the home, so I get it, really I do. Being sick makes it really hard to think in a positive way, but I realized that if I am ever to get better I needed to stop putting myself down and start thinking positive. Have you ever heard the term "fake it till you make it"? I decided to do that, to start acting as if I was happy, healthy and an optimist, even if that was not what I felt like. You know what? It worked. It's not easy some days, but I kept at it, eventually I started actually feeling positive.

I have a really great husband, but at times I felt he didn't respect me also. I had a hard time asking for things because I felt guilty for not working, and when I did ask, he would sometimes say no. I finally realized I needed to stop acting like a doormat, that my doing so was contributing to his treating me like a child. Now if I need something, I simply state what and why, I present it as a done deal. I am careful to not abuse this, I don't spend money frivolously, but I don't apologize that I need something. Of course your situation is different, but it's a given that no one will feel your needs are important until you feel they are.

Another issue I have had in my marriage is communication. I sometimes thought Mr. Chips knew that I didn't like something, so when he continued to do it, I took it as disrespect and became hurt and angry. I finally realized that many times he actually didn't know, he either forgot what I told him, or didn't realize how much it bothered me. So it's very important to be absolutely clear on what you need and want, and also what you don't. It's not magic, he may still not get it, but if you are clear and consistent as to your needs, you at least know what you are dealing with. Men tend to be big picture thinkers and not pick up subtleties of relationships, it's just how they are wired, so you need to be very clear and consistent to get your point a cross. It's unfair to him if you are mad at him if he doesn't know what he did wrong.

It's OK to ask to be consoled, if that is what you feel you need. It doesn't make you a witch to ask for comfort, most men want to feel helpful, it may actually make your husband feel better to think you need him. If you are sad, say you are sad and if he made you feel sad, it's OK to say so, as long as you don't do it in an angry way. This is really a hard one for me, I hate to ask for things, but men don't read minds, so you have to get over that. It's hard at first, but gets easier.

now im running out of strength, i dont have it in me physically to work a 40 hour work week. thats a problem for me because how does one support themselves with not enough income? I have no useful 'resume'. when my husband left me two yeas ago, i got a job as a cashier, I was a horrible cashier, they kept giving me fewer and fewer hours to make me quit.

It's hard getting a job st this stage in your life, I am struggling with his as well. I had a business where we used to live, but haven't been able to establish myself here, and having health issues makes it ten times more difficult. I even failed at volunteering. But don't give up, there has to be a job out there for you. You may be a bit slow, but you have years of experience in doing things, that counts. Studies show that younger people learn faster, but older people are better at using the things they do know. Present yourself as a mature, dependable worker, someone who can be relied on. Be open to different possibilities. For now, make finding a job your job and devote just as much time to it as you would a job. Set time aside every day to look. Get help getting your resume put together, emphasizing your skills and maturity. Consider taking a class in a marketable skill. There are lots of jobs out there that don't demand lightning fast reflexes.

For now I am working at my business, making inventory so that when I get an opportunity I will be ready. I am planning to look for work or a new volunteer opportunities next month also, I think I will feel better if I am more productive. I am also catching up on organizing and cleaning my house so that I can focus on my business and/or volunteering next month. The point is to keep moving forward in some way. Doing so will give you more strength, as you get excited about your life and get a feeling of accomplishment.

45

can an unhappy married woman vent?

by sowhatnow in

i continue to be saddened by the fact that i am married to such a selfish man.. i want to know if i am the only wife who has no say when it comes to using the house she lives in for activities including other people.. .

let me explain.. yesterday my daugher who is 35 got a new puppy for my grandaughter who is 13. today my daughter and son in law are going to help my uncle at a job, and my granddaughter wanted to spend the day here, my daugher said shed bring her and the puppy over, i laughed and said 'your dad wont have that, ill have to go to your house'.. after all it will 'upset' the 2 cats they will hide all day [like they do anytime someone including my grandchild is in my home] .. i already knew that he would not like it if she brought the puppy over, [weve had dogs so its not like he hates them].

he doesnt care if his grandaughter would have enjoyed playing with the puppy over grandmas house, where she likes to be for a change, and that fact that id like to see what my cats would do when they saw a dog for the first time in thier lives.. maybe id have liked to play with the puppy .. when i said to my husband that my daughter said she wanted tp bring them over he said.

LisaRose

I am sorry you are in a bad situation right now. You need to start valuing yourself, whether you make money outside the home or not, you deserve respect and an equal say in family decisions, period, end of story. If your husband doesn't get that, then maybe it's time you left, nothing can be worse than being treated like a second class citizen.

I have been in both situations, the main breadwinner and now a stay at home wife. I hate not earning a paycheck, but that is the reality for me right now due to health issues. At first I felt that I didn't deserve a say in financial matters, or to buy things without asking, but I got over that. I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, gardening and home repairs, plus volonteer work, so why should I feel like a charity case? We are married, it's a partnership. It my case it was my own problem to deal with, it wasn't coming from my husband, but maybe if you start to feel better about yourself your husband will get that you aren't going to be a doormat. If he doesn't, well, then maybe it's not a marriage worth saving. Of course it's scary to think about being on your own at this age, but there are all kind of programs available for people in your situation, you might be surprised. Now is the time to contact a woman's shelter and find out what your options are.

Really, life is too short to be miserable.

31

life after the wtbts

by Hortensia in

jw
friends

you can't move forward to a new, more interesting, possibly much happier life, if you're still looking behind at the former life.. there is so much obsession on here about what the wtbts is doing, and discussing all the forms of injustice and bullshit in the wtbts, or how to bring down the wtbts.

yes, their doctrines are crazy and they are a cult and cruel to boot.

move on.

LisaRose

We all have our scars that's for sure.

31

life after the wtbts

by Hortensia in

jw
friends

you can't move forward to a new, more interesting, possibly much happier life, if you're still looking behind at the former life.. there is so much obsession on here about what the wtbts is doing, and discussing all the forms of injustice and bullshit in the wtbts, or how to bring down the wtbts.

yes, their doctrines are crazy and they are a cult and cruel to boot.

move on.

LisaRose

I don't think Hortensia,was criticizing people for simply posting on JWN, but for still being obsessed with what is going on in the organization. I am mildly interested in major changes in the Watchtower world, but I don't understand some of the massive amount of speculation on every thing printed in the Watchtower. But different strokes for different folks as they say, I've been out for fifteen years, other people are still involved, or have close family that is, obviously their perspective is different

I do think most people move on at some point and lose interest.

19

Christmas markets - apparently fine for JW's to attend

by FeelingFree in

this has got me really wound up and i feel the need to post.

our friend an ex jw has just returned from a famous christmas market in germany, now my husband mentioned this to his mum as they have connections there.

she got all excited about how amazing the german christmas markets are there and how she would of def gone to one this year if she had the time!

LisaRose

I don't see the problem. A Christmas market is just a marketplace where vendors sell their wares, as long as you aren't buying actual Christmas themed items, where is the harm? These are people in a cult that are managing to make an independent decision about something and you are mad because they are not more cult like?

20

Party

by Hortensia in

jw
friends

i'm giving a party next week -- sunday, december 14 at 1:00 p.m. reason for the party?

i got a huge turkey on sale and i need to cook it.

i'm making turkey and trimmings, neighbors are bringing whatever they want, mostly vegetarian stuff.

LisaRose

Sounds like a good time was had by all. We used to host our neighborhood Xmas party in Colorado, my husband would be Santa, it was a lot of fun, one of the things I miss, although I am happy to be back in California. One year we had 23 children.

I love the rain, it always makes me feel better, I guess it's the negative ions.

88

Why JW marriage is a huge problem for the organization.

by kneehighmiah in

jw
friends

the difficulty of finding a marriage mate is well known for sisters.

but i would say it's hard for brothers also.

i was talking to a jw last night.

LisaRose

I wonder If kneeehighmiah is as attractive as the women he thinks he deserves? I've been out a while, but when I was a JW there were quite a lot of attractive women who couldn't find a mate, at least not one who they were willing to get involved with. I think that attractiveness is a part of what makes you desire someone, but it isn't all, or shouldn't be.