It was a series of epiphanies. Sitting at a convention while the speaker heaped on the guilt. Are you regular is service? If not, why not? If you are, can you auxiliary pioneer? If not, why not? If you are an auxiliary pioneer, can you regular pioneer? If not, why not? I thought, I wonder what they say to the special pioneers to make them feel guilty? It was the first time I realized the goal was not to make you a better person, it was to make you feel guilty.
I saw something in the Kingdom ministry about the UN, and the explanation made no sense. They joined the UN? The Scarlett colored beast? For a library card? People in Malawi died because they were made to think they couldn't buy a 25 cent political card, but the WTBTS could join the UN? Right.....
Lack of love, or any connection at all to anyone in the congregation. Going to field service and realizing no one wanted to talk to us, and the JWs weren't prepared to talk to anybody anyway, they were just getting their time in. Driving aimlessly around town, for what? I thought it was a colossal waste of time.
The clincher was the realization the Watchtower was wrong when they said it was always better to preserve the marriage. I realized that was just plain lousy advice, it had not actually been better for anyone, me, my kids, my ex husband. That was the straw that broke the camel's back and made me realize that they were just people who thought they were more special than they were, they had no more idea of God's purpose than any random person on the street.