It's a cult, that how a cult works, they do want to control you. Technically, if you have stopped attending meetings and are not calling yourself a JW they should leave you alone, but there are no hard and fast rules about how long you need to have been away, so it's entirely up to the judgement of the elders, people have been pursued for years after leaving. You can refuse to meet with the elders, they may then leave you alone or they could disfellowship you on the testimony of your mother. Realize that either way you mother (and other) may shun you.
Your choices rests how badly you want to avoid being disfellowshipped. Is it just your mother you wish to maintain contact with? Will she shun you if you are disfellowshipped? If you feel you must keep those relationships then your only option is to go to the elders and confess. Hopefully you can fake repentance enough to get reproved, but I wouldn't count on it. If you are disfellowshipped, then you will have to go through the motions to get reinstated. Are you and your boyfriend at a point where you are considering marriage? If so that could allow you to keep the relationship while still attempting to get reinstated.
Personally, I wouldn't give them the time of day, you owe those elders nothing and it's your life, I could not stomach going to a committee meeting and being treated like I was disobedient child, nor could I force myself to attend meetings, but I realize that attitude comes with consequences, and that not everyone is willing to lose those family relationships. These are horrible choices, and I feel for you, because there are no easy answers in this situation.
