My brother suffere-d-s? from deep depression I believe as a result of repressed sexual guilt. The guilt trips over sexual feelings (primarily masturbation) we all heard didnt faze me but it seemed to drive my brother deeper and deeper down. To this day he has real problems with anything even remotely sensual, even a slightly suggestive word sends him into an internal word somewhere. Just the type of guy they want in Bethel....shesh
Asheron
JoinedPosts by Asheron
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13
Watchtower Camaraderie
by The wanderer inwatchtower camaraderie
after having spent years as one of jehovah's witnesses.
the next day?going back to the organization .
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Asheron
It has been years since I left but when I did I left my family and all of my friends and my job. It took me a few years to get myself back on my feet. I was even technically homeless for 8 months preferring to live off of the kindness of almost strangers rather than submit to the mind control at home.
Trust me when I tell you that it gets easier and easier and better and better. That light at the end of the tunnel is NOT a train. Start by finding out who you are, what motivates you. Be completly selfish for awhile until you find what fills you with joy. Believe that friends are EVERYWHERE in this world and that all in all its a great place. Sure thier are some "hammers" in it but so what, most people are just as lost as you and I and all the dubs at the hall.
Try to put down the judgemental view that most of us suffered from when we first left. If you dont you will never allow yourself to accept others and make meaningful relationships. If you have an activity that you enjoy, sports,movies etc..whatever..find a group activity in that area of interest to join to make new friends. If you dont have any current "outside" interests give yourself time..they will come to light along with your new freedom.
Most of all...LIVE LIKE YOU MEAN IT. Dont waste another day. Armaggedon wont happen but we will all die some day so dont waste another second waiting or worrying about any of that mind polution. Get on with life....its waiting for you to live it.
If you find that you need any personal support please feel free to message me or anyone that offers.
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Rules you broke?
by KW13 in.
what rules did you find, you couldn't help breaking as a witness?.
i swore sometimes, got me and a mate drunk, copied software e.t.c (caesars things to caesar), celebrated a birthday/christmas or two...went against some stuff we were told not to do in the young people ask book...erm.... how about you?
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Asheron
I asked elders logical questions.....what was I thinking!!!!
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Elders Are Closing In....
by daniel-p inwell, it's been about 6 months or so since i've turned in a time report and things are heating up a bit.
i still attend the meetings with my wife - i am still "visible" - but i have not gone out in service for a conspicuous amount of time.
just this afternoon the po called and wanted to meet with me.
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Asheron
Tell them you have Bird Flu and must be away for 6 months to be sure you dont spread it. Then buy chickens and let them roam freely on your property to keep the visits down. If all of that fails...plastic surgery and fake your death...or you could tell them what you really believe and live with the results of telling the truth.
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Asheron
Happy B Day
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Please allow me to introduce myself...
by Asheron inplease escuse the obvious stones lyrical referance but thats the first thing that came to mind.
i am a 44 yo male fader from pennsylvania.
been faded for 22 years or so and been lurking and reading all of your posts for 6 or so months.
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Asheron
Friends,
Thank you all for the welcomes and kind words. I am blown away!
Thanks also for the lyrical replies...heres one back at ya:
"Im free to do what I want, any old time.
Im free to sing my song, knowing its outta trend
Im free to choose who I see ,any old time
Im free to bring who I choose, any old time
Im free any old time, to get what I want"
- Asheron
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35
Please allow me to introduce myself...
by Asheron inplease escuse the obvious stones lyrical referance but thats the first thing that came to mind.
i am a 44 yo male fader from pennsylvania.
been faded for 22 years or so and been lurking and reading all of your posts for 6 or so months.
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Asheron
Thank you all for the welcomes. While it doesnt make me feel better that some of you have been or are going through this, it does make me feel less alone. My wife cant relate to this issue as much as she tries so I cant really talk to her in depth too often about it. I consider myself a fully realized man and I also believe myself to be realatively free of the old demons and fears but this family thing is a tough one to put down. The suitcases are light but the luggage is till there if you know what I mean.
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I asked... and I have recieved.
by saki2fifty inwell, just go back from my little trip up to austin and had a really great time.
hung out with wifey, visited the state capital, did some site seeing, and conquered the muddy buddy race!
after 3 days away from home, we're now back in houston and i was eager to get back on the board and do some reading.
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Asheron
Michael,
Ive been lurking and reading your posts. Please remember this as you move forward. Its what I said to my mother over 22 years ago
"I'd rather not have answers to questions than not be able to question the answers"
The only thing that can truly be called free is your mind.
All the best.
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35
Please allow me to introduce myself...
by Asheron inplease escuse the obvious stones lyrical referance but thats the first thing that came to mind.
i am a 44 yo male fader from pennsylvania.
been faded for 22 years or so and been lurking and reading all of your posts for 6 or so months.
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Asheron
Hi Bee,
"More to come?"
Ive got enought to fill a server...lol
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35
Please allow me to introduce myself...
by Asheron inplease escuse the obvious stones lyrical referance but thats the first thing that came to mind.
i am a 44 yo male fader from pennsylvania.
been faded for 22 years or so and been lurking and reading all of your posts for 6 or so months.
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Asheron
Hello all,
Please escuse the obvious Stones lyrical referance but thats the first thing that came to mind. I am a 44 yo Male fader from Pennsylvania. Been faded for 22 years or so and been lurking and reading all of your posts for 6 or so months. I recently began doing some research after renewing contact with my mother and brother (JW's both) whom I havent spoken with in over 15 years. Prior to getting married last year I wanted to try and "mend" our disfuntional family picnic and invite them to our wedding. At first it was heartwarming to share all of the life expieriances I have had over the last 15 years and introduce them to my new wife. We shared some dinners and nice times but that all came to a screaching halt when they realized that I wasnt interested in ever returning to thier world.
It all happened when my brother told me he was going to go to Bethel. He is a full time pioneer. We got into it kinda deep for several hours and I used the "C" word (Cult) when referancing the JW's. I wasnt trying to offend but a friend of his that he dragged along to a mountain bike trip I had arranged for us to bond started in on me. I am sure he was brought along to make the -"where two or more are gathered...blah blah blah" -day more of a witnessing thing. The friend of my brother thought of himself as a "highly intelligent" "well read" "great thinker" even if he did say so himself. Needless to say all he spewed was WT drivel and my brother sat thier saying "uh huh" "he's right you know" "too true".
I managed to keep my smile for 2 hours or so and then I cracked. Hit em with all the glaring errors in the JW reasoning and some of the history I now know. Of course they responded with "there are all kinds of rumors out there" and my brother dropped the "We dont follow men anyway" and the grandaddy "even if they are wrong its still the best place to be". I tried to retreat to a neutral corner several times but they just kept up with those false, Im interested in what you believe questions that are in fact questions looking for an opening to attack my beliefs.
Since that day the phone calls have stopped and my Mother and Brother are very short on the phone and ussually just tell me any major updates (my Grandfather just died at 93 yo) and sign off with a "thats about it for updates". I think someone has dropped the word that I am not just a meek fader anymore and some meetings and "counselings" have occured.
Whew....I just wanted to say hi and now look what I have done. Anyways, I want to thank all of you on this board for telling your stories and sharing your feelings. It has made the reopened wound a little easier to deal with.
Asheron