I understand your situation about the marriage. My wife is a JW while I am not and our marriage is also falling apart. We don't have any children so I can't give you any relevant advice on that issue. But If you've truely given up on your marriage, then what are your feelings about the daughter being raised in a single parent JW household without you being there to provide a balance to the child?
dawgfan
JoinedPosts by dawgfan
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31
Marage in trouble,
by Heavy Hearted inhi have a problem and am in need of help.
long story short my wife was one when we met, then she quit to be with me, now she has recently started to witnessing again.
and our marage has suffered extreamly because of it.
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29
I figured out what's up with the golf club!!!! (True LOST fans only)
by kittyeatzjdubs inthis is cool!
i found out what was up w/ desmond making that lightning rod out of the golf club.. 'k....so.... remember when hurley was going back to the beach and he ran into desmond and was like, "dude!
you're nekkid, get some clothes!
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dawgfan
in the last episode they said they had a "sub" - the galaga
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29
I figured out what's up with the golf club!!!! (True LOST fans only)
by kittyeatzjdubs inthis is cool!
i found out what was up w/ desmond making that lightning rod out of the golf club.. 'k....so.... remember when hurley was going back to the beach and he ran into desmond and was like, "dude!
you're nekkid, get some clothes!
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dawgfan
I use this site to help me keep up with the show
http://lostanswers.blogspot.com/ -
41
Breaking my silence
by dawgfan ini am a long time lurker (almost 2 years) but first time poster.
even though you didn't know me before now, i feel like i have known a lot of you for quite a while.
from my time viewing jwd, i have learned many things and have felt like sometimes that you were talking directly to me.
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dawgfan
yeah, this topic comes up once in awhile on other message boards (religious and non-religious) and I've felt bad about not making comments -whether or not I may have made any difference
when I got home last night, i found the new "tract" stuck in my doorway that everyone has discussed - it weighed on me pretty heavy at the time - i decided at that point that if the JWs are going to step up their witnessing then there could be many new victims that are unaware of their techniques - i thought maybe I should become more visible and accessible to others about how living with a JW and the lifestyle that a JW committs to really is
i don't have the perspective that many of you do because I never became a JW or was raised one (although I was desparate enough at one point thinking that I could try to go to meetings or studies that it could save my marriage - im glad i didnt go through with that) but if i could convince only ONE person not to go through what I did, then I could feel a little justified by all the pain -
41
Breaking my silence
by dawgfan ini am a long time lurker (almost 2 years) but first time poster.
even though you didn't know me before now, i feel like i have known a lot of you for quite a while.
from my time viewing jwd, i have learned many things and have felt like sometimes that you were talking directly to me.
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dawgfan
I know that its not completely watchtower policies that are splitting us up. On my side of the equation is all the missed time spent in "Jehovah's" service rather than me and on her side is me not being able to go to the meetings with her and be her spiritual "Head". Plus I'm not perfect and haven't always been but I don't think I've ever been SO bad.
I know that she wasn't being a faithful witness by marrying me. I seemed idealistic at the time to think that would provide me with an inroad of being able to save her from them.
I also know that their policies are against divorce because that has torn at her also.
On the way out: At this point in the breakup, I'm not only looking at all the past mistakes but also about what the future would be for me if it did stay. I don't think its be beneficial to me and my own sanity to stay and if given the choice, I would rather remain single than to think about bringing to life a child that would be raised as a Jehovah's witness.
Also, her parents are very faithful JWs and she loves them too much to ever lose them. I often internally struggled with what the "fallout" would be if I was able to get her out.
I don't really ask for anything right now from anyone other empathy. I'd like to think that my contribution would be knowing that I could help others avoid my mistakes. -
41
Breaking my silence
by dawgfan ini am a long time lurker (almost 2 years) but first time poster.
even though you didn't know me before now, i feel like i have known a lot of you for quite a while.
from my time viewing jwd, i have learned many things and have felt like sometimes that you were talking directly to me.
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dawgfan
I know that its not completely watchtower policies that are splitting us up. On my side of the equation is all the missed time spent in "Jehovah's" service rather than me and on her side is me not being able to go to the meetings with her and be her spiritual "Head". Plus I'm not perfect and haven't always been but I don't think I've ever been SO bad.
I know that she wasn't being a faithful witness by marrying me. I seemed idealistic at the time to think that would provide me with an inroad of being able to save her from them.
I also know that their policies are against divorce because that has torn at her also.
On the way out: At this point in the breakup, I'm not only looking at all the past mistakes but also about what the future would be for me if it did stay. I don't think its be beneficial to me and my own sanity to stay and if given the choice, I would rather remain single than to think about bringing to life a child that would be raised as a Jehovah's witness.
Also, her parents are very faithful JWs and she loves them too much to ever lose them. I often internally struggled with what the "fallout" would be if I was able to get her out.
I don't really ask for anything right now from anyone other empathy. I'd like to think that my contribution would be knowing that I could help others avoid my mistakes. -
41
Breaking my silence
by dawgfan ini am a long time lurker (almost 2 years) but first time poster.
even though you didn't know me before now, i feel like i have known a lot of you for quite a while.
from my time viewing jwd, i have learned many things and have felt like sometimes that you were talking directly to me.
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-
dawgfan
I know that its not completely watchtower policies that are splitting us up. On my side of the equation is all the missed time we could have had together to work out our problems that was instead spent in "Jehovah's" service rather than with me and on her side is me not being able to go to the meetings with her and be her spiritual "Head". Plus I'm not perfect and haven't always been but I don't think I've ever been SO bad.
I know that she wasn't being a faithful witness by marrying me. I seemed idealistic at the time to think that would provide me with an inroad of being able to save her from them.
I also know that their policies are against divorce because that has torn at her also.On the way out:
At this point in the breakup, I'm not only looking at all the past mistakes but also about what the future would be for me if it did stay. I don't think its be beneficial to me and my own sanity to stay and if given the choice, I would rather remain single than to think about bringing to life a child that would be raised as a Jehovah's witness. Also, her parents are very faithful JWs and she loves them too much to ever lose them. I often internally struggled with what the "fallout" would be if I was able to get her out of the cult. Plus while her actions may indicate that she wasn't following the organizations rules about outsiders, she cannot accept believing anything other than what is printed by the WTS
I don't really ask for anything right now from anyone other empathy. I'd like to think that my contribution would be knowing that I could help others avoid my mistakes.
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41
Breaking my silence
by dawgfan ini am a long time lurker (almost 2 years) but first time poster.
even though you didn't know me before now, i feel like i have known a lot of you for quite a while.
from my time viewing jwd, i have learned many things and have felt like sometimes that you were talking directly to me.
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dawgfan
thanks again CS 101: You are right - everything I have read from here would've convinced me before I started a relationship that it would be inevitable. That's one reason I've decided to break "silence" on here, other boards I'm on, and in my life. I've read stories of others seeking advice or at the "beginning" stages of where I once was and said nothing. I think I feel morally obligated now to speak up and paint the picture of how things really work.
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41
Breaking my silence
by dawgfan ini am a long time lurker (almost 2 years) but first time poster.
even though you didn't know me before now, i feel like i have known a lot of you for quite a while.
from my time viewing jwd, i have learned many things and have felt like sometimes that you were talking directly to me.
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dawgfan
thank you guys!
and yes jgnat I do recognize you and have read your contributions because I could identify -
41
Breaking my silence
by dawgfan ini am a long time lurker (almost 2 years) but first time poster.
even though you didn't know me before now, i feel like i have known a lot of you for quite a while.
from my time viewing jwd, i have learned many things and have felt like sometimes that you were talking directly to me.
-
-
dawgfan
Hi:
I am a long time lurker (almost 2 years) but first time poster. Even though you didn't know me before now, I feel like I have known a lot of you for quite a while. From my time viewing JWD, I have learned many things and have felt like sometimes that you were talking directly to me. I have read many of your stories (testimonials) and have shared in your sadness and redemption. I apologize sincerely to each of you that I didn't offer to you support of my own but know that although you didn't know I existed, you were always in my prayers.
I have wanted to share my own story for about 2 months but always made excuses for not. It’s time now for me to finally jump on board and make my contribution.
I have never been a JW but I am one of those countless people whose lives have been
affected by the WTS policies and will probably always be.
I was introduced to my wife (the JW in the story) about 7 years ago. At the time it was
solely an email correspondence because she lived far away. I was given her picture and email by a former college friend who was married to her cousin (a faded JW herself).
I finally got to meet her in person 4 years ago when she moved closer. Our relationship progressed (regardless of the religious differences (myself at the time was nonreligious). It was at the time a minor annoyance that she was a JW but I accepted that because it was part of her and I was in love with who she was.
We married 2 years ago in a civil ceremony by a judge in front of friends and family (mostly mine because I was non JW - her parents and aunt and uncle didn't attend even though I did try earnestly to do positive things for them - that upset me then and still does). I am not very close to my own family and have never felt fully supported by hers.
I admit that I wasn't always the perfect husband and most of the arguments that were between us originated because of me. However I wasn't a bad person. I think that she probably always thought that she could convert me. I only went with her a few times to some sunday meetings and to the great jesus rejection memorials and a couple of boring conventions. I could never buy into all of that because I could see through all of the watchtower "crap".
Most of the time of our marriage, she was absent because of all the time devoted to the orginization. When she wasn't spending her nights with the orginazation she was working late more and more. This made me very depressed most nights to come home from an exhaustive day of work and be all alone or to spend a great portion of my weekend by myself.
Three months ago she goes on vacation (paid for by me) for 2 weeks to visit her old friends. When I go pick her up at the airport with a rose because she always said that she wanted to arrive like that, I could tell that things were different. She wouldn't even kiss me on the lips and brushed away my attempts at intimacy that night.
A few weeks later she tells me that she wants to separate with me because she has changed and doesn't love me the same. She told me that she wants to become more "spiritual" with Jehovah. I get upset and I move to different bedroom but I kept hoping that she would invite me back. Now things have progressed that we will be getting a divorce. It’s hard for me to accept because I still love her but I cannot change to her expectations and now I see that she won't change to mine. I could still love her and reluctantly accept her differences but she has made the decision to dump her "worldly" husband.
When met, I had everything paid for, a retirement fund, and no debt. Now I have nothing and am struggling to make financial obligations. I "lost" all of this systematically by supporting her. I didn't have a lot of regrets during this because I loved her and thought I was the most important part of her life.
Coming to terms with myself on this divorce has been difficult, although when I analyze the situation and think about it in terms of "if we had children": I wouldn't be able to celebrate their birthdays and share holidays and that if they had an accident and needed
blood that she would put up a fight to prevent that, plus the horrifying thought of my own flesh and blood going door to door or standing on a corner giving out "heretical" material from the WTS all makes me kind of glad just to be able to one day get out of
this situation.
I know I will move on eventually - will take a lot of time, patience, and prayers - but I've got a long road ahead of me.
Also, I struggle with the anger that the WTS took my wife away from me.