Posts by OnTheWayOut

71

Need advice - marriage in crisis

by truthseeker in

jw
friends

i've been a member of this forum for a while now.

i need some advice.

i can't say too much about myself because i'm still an active witness, though not by choice.. my marriage is in trouble and the one thing that causes it is being a member of jehovah's witnesses.. i was born and raised in the truth like so many others here.

OnTheWayOut

Hubert's advice, IMO, is advanced

You will know if and when you are ready for such a big step,
but you can at least break some habits, now.

Stop saying "the Truth." Start speaking of the WTS like a
third party instead of like it's "our" organization.

You are the head of household. Make some decisions about the kids.
Such as: If they want to stay home with Dad, let them. If they want to
get involved in some activity; sports, club, hobby- let them. If they want to
have a friend, it's okay (probably avoid the sleep-over thing).

71

Need advice - marriage in crisis

by truthseeker in

jw
friends

i've been a member of this forum for a while now.

i need some advice.

i can't say too much about myself because i'm still an active witness, though not by choice.. my marriage is in trouble and the one thing that causes it is being a member of jehovah's witnesses.. i was born and raised in the truth like so many others here.

OnTheWayOut

I am in a situation where my wife knows I have "doubts" that she doesn't share. It is not putting a strain on our relationship, yet, but it will. I don't know exactly how it will be a problem, but it will.

I will not ask her to make excuses for me missing meetings. If she can't handle the pressure, I won't talk about something. Other than that, I will work on keeping the marriage strong by being the head outside of JW interests. That means spending time with her, taking her places, normal home stuff like talking about her day, etc. It sounds more troubling in your home than that, but what else can you do? If she sees the problems with JW's and loves it anyway, there are going to be problems. Let the problems be hers. Tell her, "Aren't I supportive of whatever you want to do?" "Aren't I a good husband- caring, loving, tender?"

25

Any trouble for faders going back and forth; JWD and the KH

by OnTheWayOut in

jw
friends

do any people trying to fade out of the organization have any trouble coming to this forum and going to the kingdom hall?.

specific problems might be:.

1. wanting to use acronyms or names from the jwd (jaydub, borg, etc.

OnTheWayOut

Little Bo Peep,

At least you had an easy fade into the night. It is sad how the "friends" are supposed to care and be loving, but are only that way to those sitting next to them in the KH that don't really need their help.
Not just elders, everyone should be visiting congregation members in the hospital, offering assistance to the elderly, asking those that aren't coming to the Hall if everything is okay.

The best JW I ever knew was this brother who did all that stuff, also brought groceries to the older folks. He never mentioned his good deeds to anyone (they would brag about him, is how we found out). When they tried to make him an elder, he said "No, thanks." When he moved, he didn't even remain an MS, but continued doing good deeds. He racked up lots of time on Bible studies, but didn't count it as field service much, because he was also helping people with their life, talking about subjects other than Bible. I think deep down he was in a fade out of the ritual aspects of JW, but kept going for family- still does.

34

Where have all the elders gone?

by becca1 in

jw
friends

OnTheWayOut

Thanks, uninformed

As an elder for another day or so, I guess I can now say how liberated I felt when I turned in my resignation. I realized that, although I was mild, the title made you judgemental. I went to a circuit assembly recently (after resignation was turned in) and hated the talks, but felt so good when listening to others judging, and I put them in their place. I said to one elder, "No, her pantsuit is not inappropriate. First of all, she's not baptized, she could wear jeans if she wanted. Secondly, does it really matter?" Plenty more examples like that, but they are really no big deal.

22

two birds with one stone, without getting stoned. possible?

by TheKings in

i really need some help from the experts.

the situation i'm living in now is that i'm currently saving money to move out.

my family are jw's, but actually only my mom is baptised.

OnTheWayOut

You probably know what to do, but maybe a suggestion. Tell your sisters Mom can't handle the truth about the Truth and this needs to be our secret. If it's blown, then the sisters still learned something.

22

two birds with one stone, without getting stoned. possible?

by TheKings in

i really need some help from the experts.

the situation i'm living in now is that i'm currently saving money to move out.

my family are jw's, but actually only my mom is baptised.

OnTheWayOut

You might approach your sisters and leave Mom out of discussing JW's. If your mom hears it, she probably will freak out some. I don't think she would throw you out or give up on you, but informing her about a boyfriend and JW's could be alot. Try just the sisters.

22

two birds with one stone, without getting stoned. possible?

by TheKings in

i really need some help from the experts.

the situation i'm living in now is that i'm currently saving money to move out.

my family are jw's, but actually only my mom is baptised.

OnTheWayOut

Stay awhile and some folks will have their thoughts. You never know who's here, because many are overseas in different timezones.

14

The Right Heart Condition

by purplesofa in

jw
friends

ok, i'm on a roll.. were you all told that only people with the right heart condition would understand the scriptures?.

and, did you constantly feel like you did not have the right heart condition?.

i just sorta gave up as my heart was not going to be manipulated anymore.. so, sometimes i kinda feel like i have a defective heart.. i don't know why this song comes to mind............it just did.. .

OnTheWayOut

Yes, I was told that only people with the right heart condition would understand the scriptures.

No, I thought I had the right heart condition, because I was borg-ized. I believed the crap so
I thought I understood the scriptures. NOW I DON'T UNDERSTAND them, but I realize that's
okay. You just didn't allow yourself to fully understand THEIR way, so you THOUGHT your heart
condition was wrong.

You probably had a healthier heart all along. You just have to believe in yourself.

22

two birds with one stone, without getting stoned. possible?

by TheKings in

i really need some help from the experts.

the situation i'm living in now is that i'm currently saving money to move out.

my family are jw's, but actually only my mom is baptised.

OnTheWayOut

Okay, your life has some tough decisions.

There are some great folks here who don't know you, but will share their input, for what it's worth.

Welcome to the JWD. Stay out of that crazy religion, whatever you do. That was one battle you won.

22

two birds with one stone, without getting stoned. possible?

by TheKings in

i really need some help from the experts.

the situation i'm living in now is that i'm currently saving money to move out.

my family are jw's, but actually only my mom is baptised.

OnTheWayOut

One might think I would be reluctant to tell you that, in my opinion, you should stay at home with family. Mom doesn't make you go to meetings and you have some people who care about you. Maybe the guy cares/maybe not, but you are not ready to be out there. Let family help you thru the tough part of adjusting to life. Stay clean and sober for a year/ at least 6 mos. before moving out. Keep your secrets if you must.