a few random thoughts about my continuum.
did your exit follow this process?
doubts – this is tough phase because the mind begins and then continues to prove to itself through logic and facts that the “truth ain’t the truth”.
Problemaddict - yeah the grip that the JWs have on some of us is strong and a daily part of the life.
Lifesnotover - my wife (now ex) was still a JW while I was exiting and woke up on her own time table. Keep the "faith" - your wife may come around.
Whiskey - nice going on the exit
a few random thoughts about my continuum.
did your exit follow this process?
doubts – this is tough phase because the mind begins and then continues to prove to itself through logic and facts that the “truth ain’t the truth”.
A few random thoughts about my continuum. Did your exit follow this process?
Doubts – this is tough phase because the mind begins and then continues to prove to itself through logic and facts that the “truth ain’t the truth”. Sometimes folks just get stuck in this phase for several reasons such as family, friends, social circle, business arrangements and similar.
Many with doubts move into the resistance phase which seems to be shown by disobeying minor JW stuff (hair, college, vacation, plastic surgery, R rated movies)
As time goes by the resistance phase increases toward a mini-rebellion shown by missing meetings, limited or no field service, lots of time away from the “brotherhood”. Some may choose to go to college, others may focus on other things like charity, sports and business.
The mini-resistance phase can go on for a long time especially if the personal cost of leaving the JWs is high. If the benefits are great than the cost of leaving. The rebellion phase can be a quiet rebellion in which one lives life as he or she wishes and generally leaves the JWs alone and wants the JWs to leave them alone. The rebellion phase can also be demonstrated in others ways such as disassociation and taking adversarial positions against the JWs. In this phase one identifies themselves as an X-JW. A lot of time and thinking is done on the time and resources wasted being a Witness and also a lot of thinking about why one didn’t leave sooner.
The last phase is one where I think I am at. It is when one is an ex-X-JW. This is the phase in which one rarely thinks about the JWs or our life as Witnesses. The circle of friends is made up of folks with similar interests and experiences and with those that invigorate and encourage us. At times there will be something that triggers a memory about JW-land but it is rare. It is a happy and fulfilling place.
Zarco
alot of members don't have a flag or country name beside their user name, and well frequently one doesn't know where that particular person is from, tell us your country, state, county or what ever you feel like giving out.
if you are going to post please at least devulge your country.. me, i'm originally from taranaki, new zealand via auckland.
for the most of this decade i have been living & working in brisbane, queensland, australia.. .
last night we were invited to a get-together with quite a few heavies attendingelders and regular pioneers.
there was beer and later some music.
everyone got relaxed and let down their guard and starting talking all kinds of non-theocratic stuff that you only discuss after a few beers.
i understand that many on this forum are undertaking a slow fade, over months, years even.. can i ask what is the benefit of that instead of a fast fade?.
as i understand it, the elders only have to deal judicially with people who are still active witnesses, known in the community as witnesses, having contact and influence with witnesses etc.
so surely the sooner you stop attending meetings the better.
There have been a lot of great comments and advice. It really depends. In my circumstance I was comfortable living half in and half out to keep our social circle. When my wife at the time finally learned TTATT she stopped everything immediately. I have deep respect for her following her conscience. Within weeks I resigned all responsibilities in a brief letter and we have never been back except for one memorial about 5 or 6 years ago.
Looking back, it would have been much better to do a quick fade and not waste the mental and emotional energy living half in and half out. It also, in our circumstances, was better to start building a new life as quickly as possible. Life is too short to waste a portion of it.
Best to all in their exit decisions. Zarco
a non-witness insider told me this week that the wts has financial problems.
that lead to halting down their building plans and lay off the special pioneers and.
bethelites.. the reason of the financial stagnation is beside some bad investments,.
hi.i've been pouring over this site for the past few days looking for some advice and i hope there is someone here that can help a guy out.
i'm desperate.....short bio: i came into the organization after high school and shortly after married a wonderful girl who was born-in.we have been happily married now for nearly 20 years and things were well until 2015 hit.
by the way, i currently serve as an elder and have the ""privilege"" of being the "watchtower overseer".. either here nor there, we were told we would never have children but late last year my wife became prego!!
I am deeply sorry for your loss. Huge good thoughts and hugs for you and your wife. And while most of the folks on the site do not believe anymore, it might be best to take some time for you and your wife to heal emotionally before you make a lot of decisions. Reach out to trusted family and friends if possible. Reach out and embrace each other like never before and build your relationship even stronger. It will take some time. A lot of folks have had good results speaking with grief counselors and other professionals.
After you heal as well as you can maybe then address how and when to start your fade.
All the kindness to you and your wife.
Zarco
i was just talking to my mom a few weeks ago.
she said, out of all her kids, i was the only one she didn't have to worry about as far as spirituality.
i always took a stand for jehovah.. she told when all of her kids were little, she gave us the option of not eating birthday cakes in school.
special pioneers let go.
bethel workers laid off.
construction halts, what's next?
The WT is not any where near bankruptcy. They have significant real estate assets that will keep them afloat for a long long time. I am sure they are having cash flow issues as many on this forum have either demonstrated or surmised. The cash flow issues seem severe. However, there are many moves in the WTS's portfolio. Selling assets, continuing or enhancing the fake tithing, consolidating assets, getting out of the printing business and many many others.
When you think about it, the WTS could run its worldwide operations with probably around 200 people. The GB, the helpers, legal, finance, administrative, IT staffs and support functions. All the customer facing folks DO/CO/other could be local volunteers.
A lot of the old timers would appreciate a move to a very small crazy core similar to the old days. And most of the established folks would stay because the cost of leaving (emotional, social, realization that you have been lied to) is way too high. The young ones will continue to leave. But the aging core and the streamlined headquarters would last a generation or two (not an over-lapping one).
Zarco
how many of us were woken up by some apostate yelling false prophets at a convention?.
how many of us were woken up by someone holding a sign and yelling, what happened to 1975.
how many of us were coerced to investigate the wt because some ex-jw pulled up a bunch of old watchtowers magazines and told us to read the false predictions?.
This is an interesting read. Thanks for starting it, John.
I think I mentally checked out after 1975. My family had moved to where the need was greater (West Coast to Midwest). We had sold our house and most of what we owned and went to serve out the few years before Armageddon. Floyd Kite, Angelo Manera and others made very direct comments about 1975 as did the WTBTS. We were living off the proceeds of the home sale for the most part. The upside was we met a long of great people. After 1975 (I was in high school) I vowed never to trust the Society again. I met my then wife in the Midwest and we did the JW thing for several years. I served several positions, PO, Sub-CO, rooming guy at conventions and advised Bethel Treasury and all sorts of the things that we were supposed to do.
My spouse was a believer and our daughter got baptized but she like me realized it was not the "truth". Since I would not trust the advice of the Society completely I made sure that all of us went to University. I did this while working and wife and daughter both went full time after I had finished and daughter was old enough. It set us up for our eventual exit. We also did other pretty lame rebelious things like Thanksgiving and New Years celebrations. We also did birthdays but our celebrations were pretty low key.
During our life, like others, we saw all sorts of injustice. From child abuse issues, to Judicial Committees being drunk on power, the devaluation of women in the organization (like crazy Ted J telling women to stay with abusive mates). The generation change, blood issues and other doctrines were all factors. But after our daughter didn't want to live the half-in-life anymore and moved to Europe to finish college my then wife decided to explore things a bit on her own.
In her exploration and with some prodding from our daughter and me she quickly realized that the religion was not only a sham but also harmful in its teachings and left immediately. I respect her a great deal for the quick decision, I was somewhat happy being in and doing my own thing while having a fun group of people to hang out with. When she decided to not go to meetings any longer I wrote a letter resigning my positions and we never looked back. A wonderful scholar named Leolaia was very instrumental in solidifying our decision.
We are both married to other individuals - wicked worldly people, haha - and are all very happy with life and where we are at. I stop by this site from time to time to check in on what is going on with the JWs and see if any of the Elders I knew are child abusers.
I love where we are. I do not mean to make the exit sound easy. It was emotional at times and only a handful of our past "friends" stay in touch. But it was the best decision of our lives.
Thanks to everyone for sharing their story. All the best!
