<"So why do I have the urge to go back to the KH?? ">
It's called the Stockholm Syndrome dear. Get yourself some counseling with someone who is trained in cult mind control, if you can't find anything else that helps you.
Anytime we are attracted back to something/someone who has been abusive to us, we need to get some answers and some help. Tere are lots of places and ways to get it, just GET IT!!!
The life you save may be your own.
Best wishes...
dungbeetle...cleaning up the crap.