Hi,
I know exactly how you feel. When I was 16, I was torn between between confessing something to the elders so I could "live forever", or just not caring and living like I wanted to. Eventually, when I was 18, I did get DFed because I was doing something with a whole group of other JW kids and they got off easy while I caught the brunt of it. So, I know exactly how you feel. I remember feeling sick to my stomach because I thought I was going to die at Armageddon at any moment.
I'm 21 now, and my parents are still crying over me (even though I'm not DFed anymore). So, no matter what you do, even if you get reinstated, your mom and dad may still never be happy. Mine aren't
Take this from me, I should never have gotten reinstated. Period. I was reinstated last year, and it was the worst mistake of my life. If I could do it all over, I never would have been baptisted when I was 13. That was too young, but my dad made me do it, literally.
But anyway, up until recently, I totally believed that JWs were right about the Bible and God and the whole thing. It's funny though, that the day they told me I would get reinstated was the day I realised they weren't right. They say Jehovah's Holy Spirit will tell the elders when to DF or reinstate someone, right? Well, they didn't reinstate me while I was sad and sorry. They waited until I didn't care about them anymore. That's when they let me back in. It proved to me that Jehovah isn't directing them to do anything, like they claim he does.
About the Bible. Hmm, I know there are others here who know more about this than I do. I was watching the History Channel (I think) not too long ago, and it was about that. Your friend must have watched the same thing. Basically, there were a ton of these books all over the place, and tons of little churches had them. Well, the political ruler at the time (Emperor?) decided that he wanted all the little churches to have the same book and not a bunch of little different ones. So, he gathered a bunch of men around a table and they decided which ones to keep and which ones to burn. As for the ones they kept, they were twisted to fit and make some sort of plot in the story. He gave these back to the churches once they were done, because he wanted them to unite to be one church instead.
Eventually, people started to notice some things were wrong. For instance, there was no wife for Cain to have, so people wanted to know how he had kids. They rewrote it and added some sisters for him to marry. Little things like that were changed. There were many many books removed so that this emperor could have his unity.
That makes for a cute bedtime story, lol.
As far as I'm concerned, nothing in the Bible should have any effect on our lives today because it has been played with and twisted by greedy men. Whether you believe in God or not, that is your right. That doesn't necessarily mean that the Bible is Earth's window to God.
So, with that in mind, you can finally relax about the Witnesses being right about what the future holds for mankind. If we can't be 100% sure of where the Bible came from, then you know those who try to use it to rule people (JWs) aren't right at all.
I'm not sure what you did to get DFed, but I'm sure it wasn't terrible. Of course, your family is probably making you feel like you must be a demon or something, lol. But it's usually just human curiousity that gets us in trouble. You should never be made to feel like the "bad guy". I know I've been in trouble for every little thing. In fact, I am in trouble with my dad right now because I haven't been going to the meetings. The people on this site are new to me, but they're really nice people, and they've helped me to realise that I have to worry about my own feelings and not my parents' (yeah it will be tough for me).
I know when I was really young, about 5, I thought Jehovah must have been such a mean God to kill women and babies just because they "got in the way", or to prove a point, like my dad would say. I was like, "if he wanted to prove something and he had to kill a little kid to do it, then he would kill me too to prove something". But then the Bible says the he is "love". In my opinion, all those little books that were plucked out of the bunch to make up the Bible were written by terrorists of the time. Only someone evil could invent a "loving" god who kills innocent people to prove a point.
Please don't let anything the Bible or JWs can come up with worry you. It's all in their imagination, and none of it will ever happen. If God is real, he won't be found anywhere near the Watchtower Society.
I hope my post helps you. Are you living at home still? It's so hard to live in a house with a JW family when you're DFed. Just give yourself a few years before making a second huge commitment (the first was when you got baptised). I take it you are young, due to your screen name. If I would have had this site to come to only a year ago, I would have not written my millionth reinstatment letter, lol.
Take care!
