Posts by Zed

10

What do you want for Christmas this year?

by restrangled in

i would like some new perfume, to lose 10 more pounds and get new kitchen counters, how about you?????.

r..

Zed

To enjoy it for the first time in as long as i can remember. To get down on my hands and knees and play with my 2yo son as though i was his age. And a robo reptile ;-)

13

JW Wedding - Saturday

by Zico in

i'm going to a jw wedding on saturday.

the groom is 20, and the bride is 22. .

a bit young this, don't you think?

Zed

Thats quite sad I think, but its also reflective of the organisation as a whole.

When I moved to Lancashire - because my dad was not in the troof, I had a weekly study with the youngest son of the PO. (now my brother in law who totally hates all things JW) when we first met up I remember him saying "what do you want to be doing when you are 21?>" I was 17 almost 18 at the time. My response - Married, possibly with children. To this day I can remember the shocked look on his face ...

That feeling of being left out if your not with someone (ie "courting" - god do i hate that word) seeing all the girls going for the most attractive brothers and leaving the less attractive, or slightly worldly ones to one side. you then get this feeling of being a nobody. You go to pubs to do nothing but meet girls, to hope to find someone to go out with. That whole pressure thing just seemed to kill me and made me wonder why should it be like this as well as make you think : "I must be really ugly!!" I dont think in all the time ive been out that ive seen bigger cattle markets than some of the post assembly gatherings of 18+ bro's n sisters.

Sad really but its the way of the borg I guess. You reap what you sow and all that.

4

My story - part 2 :-) This time its not so jumbled

by Zed in

i'm slowly beginning to think that much of what we do is led by something, or at least prompted by something.

since i moved to the se i began to indulge in things that i enjoyed - mostly it was playing rpg's both computer based and the real 'nasty, evil, satan worshipping' pen and paper types.

i remember how, when i first expressed an interest in playing dungeons and dragons when i was about 12 - 13yrs old my study conductor pulled out the article in the asleep (i think it was) that ran through why it was evil!!!

Zed

I'm slowly beginning to think that much of what we do is led by something, or at least prompted by something. Since I moved to the SE i began to indulge in things that I enjoyed - mostly it was playing RPG's both computer based and the real 'nasty, evil, satan worshipping' pen and paper types. I remember how, when I first expressed an interest in playing dungeons and dragons when I was about 12 - 13yrs old my study conductor pulled out the article in the asleep (i think it was) that ran through why it was evil!!! never stopped me runnning a regular group for a half dozen 'brothers and sisters' of my age for about 2 years. Some study group that was. Anyway I digress....

Late last year I was having lots of problems with sleeping and after running through the usual scientific options of having tonsils out, having my palette(sp?) cut open and made softer, i was introduced to a lady who my boss described as a white witch. Obviously with the borg programming i really didnt like the idea of this but after 2 months of some bad experiences through having no sleep i went to see her. Since then ive discovered a large number of my new friend base are all spiritually aware. Not in the religious sense, but i have friends who are reiki masters, spiritual healers, confirmed spiritualist priests or people who hold stock in a lot of mediumship. Even my hairdresser's brother is a reiki master. (hes well into spiritual mediumship and clairvoyance)

Well about 4 months ago i woke to see a white woman in my bedroom. no it wasnt the missus. As i said hello I witnessed it fading out to nothing. Since then ive discovered that i am beginning to be spiritually awakened but something was blocking it....

well its easy to work out what blocked it - the borg collective programming lingering in my mind. Last wednesday I met with a spiritual healer, a reiki master and at least two other people who are spirituall aware. For the first time ever I admitted to someone else what i had been and how it made me feel. The next step was the post i made last week. What is interesting though was a discussion i had with my mum about 6 weeks earlier. Now bear in mind it was her who brought me up in the borg, who forced me to go to meetings ad naseum. She knew about the woman I saw and asked me a couple of questions which evolved into a weird, yet comforting discussion for 3 hours...

Essentially my mum sees things in dreams that come true, my nan - also a baptised witness - sees a white spirit guide on a regular basis, and we think my little sister sees as well. She told me she kept it all secret because of the troof. But, I shouldnt be worried because why shouldnt we be able to see things? feel things? afterall if id seen jesus (which i did, but thats another story) would he reveal himself to me if it was of the devil? all this from my mum who i hadnt felt comfortable discussing my visitation with for fear of gettin into a religious argument about JW's.

So here I am, on a mission now to explore the true meaning of spiritual, and finally thanks to this forum and all of you here i can actually begin to relax and enjoy the journey. I've only been fighting it for about 9 years it would seem so now as i slowly heal from the past i can look ahead to what i really need to accomplish.That said, I think there was a purpose (perverse as it may have been) for me to be indoctrinated by the dubs. Perhaps in time the reason for it will be made clear. So a big thank you all for allowing me to conclude and close off a chapter of my life. its much appreciated. Hopefully i can assist others here to release themselves and no what ever i choose to believe ill not be spouted.

PS the formatting problem is a firefox 2.0 issue it would appear. As I write it correctly in the space and when submitted it has no formatting. This is corrected in IE7.0

17

Elders Closing In....an update

by diamondblue1974 in

well an elder finally rang, and sure enough it was one particular elder i was close to when i was a dub; i still do have a lot of time for him personally as he is genuine.

all the same however, hes a company man and i am a great believer that the person who is going to betray (if at all) will often will be the one you least expect it from.

i think it was him predominantly because he/they thought his call could be disarming.. well, i spoke to him very briefly, and in that time he tried to get my address off me on several occasions - he tried to ascertain when it would be most convenient to call (to which i was non committal) but careful not to do anything which could put my relationship with my mother at jeopardy.

Zed

I've managed to avoid being 'found' but only by moving 300 miles .... hope you managed to fend them off and if you dont I really hope your mother doesnt go down the route of not speaking to you. I supposed ive always been fortunate in my mum has never done that to me. I think in some respects she sees most of my problems and the reasons for leaving in the first place all to do with the Borg.

69

Did you ever think you'd stop being one of Jehovah's Witnesses?

by sandy in

i'm sure this question has been asked before .

i've come a long way in my thinking.

a very long way!

Zed

For me, upto about 95 the answer would have been no. Whilst I knew i would never be a great minister, but i had visions of settling down, marrying (in the faith of course) and having a family. Suddenly applying a bit of free thinking to what was going on around me made me realise it wasnt right. I must have missed out on the period of 95 because I dont remember anything major..... though i missed out a year or so before trying again and finally fading away in 99. but i didnt expect to hit 21 if im honest yet 14 yrs on im still here and doing the best for me and my family. I do owe some of my business skills to the org - mostly public speaking, probably my strongest attribute :-)

7

My Story - Its long and jumbled

by Zed in

where to begin.

i guess things have been coming to a head lately with some other things happening in my life which simply do (or should that be did) not sit well with the indoctrination of the jw's.

i was pretty much brought up as a jw.

Zed

thats gonna hurt to read. For some reason It simply wont format properly.... Weired

7

My Story - Its long and jumbled

by Zed in

where to begin.

i guess things have been coming to a head lately with some other things happening in my life which simply do (or should that be did) not sit well with the indoctrination of the jw's.

i was pretty much brought up as a jw.

Zed

Where to begin. I guess things have been coming to a head lately with some other things happening in my life which simply do (or should that be did) not sit well with the indoctrination of the JW's. I was pretty much brought up as a JW. My mum found 'the truth' when I was about 2 years old and myself and 2 sisters were dragged up. In 1989 I was baptised at the Leeds District convention much the the joy of my mum. We moved across the country to just outside of Blackpool and I guess thats where things started to go awry. You think, or taught to think and expect, you will be given a welcome with open arms into a new congregation - sadly that didnt happen at all. It was very difficult to settle, and oddly (or not) being a single parent family was exceptionally difficult in the new congregation with less than 50% of the Brothers and sisters making much of an effort... The first thing that really rocked me i think was being told by my mum that an elder had told her to divorce my father because he wouldnt amount to anything (hes a VP of a very large militart Aircraft Manufacturer!!) We had a close friend in our previous congregation who was appaled when my mum told that to him - from then on that elder was never allowed in the house. Things pottered along, my sister fell in love with the youngest son of the PO. They were furious because she was the daughter of a single parent family who frankly was more interested in a secular career than pioneering. The wedding was awkward, with parents falling out and my sister constantly being told she wasnt good enough. Then I met a wonderful girl. Younger than me - looking back you think jeez what the heck was i doing - when we met she was 15 and I was 21. That was V difficult and to the congregation we were 'just friends'. I remember the weekend of her 17th birthday asking her father for permission to court her... Gods that felt wrong!. Her father was an MS. A well respected Zealous MS. Who was also a bully, a wife beater and frankly a child beater as well. I remember listening to him beating the children with a belt buckle because they were messing around. Eventually I couldnt cope with this and challenged him. I was nieve and weak - the upbringing doesnt teach you how to really be strong, stand up and face things. Essentially I got hauled in front of my PO (who didnt like my family) and was shown how I was totally wrong in the way Id done things. Meanwhile Im told im not welcome in my girlfriends house, her mum went from loving me (she wasnt in the truth either) to being afraid to talk to me, then one day I get a call from this girl "I really love. But i cant stand the stress of being with you that my father puts me under so im finishing with you." The few months running upto that had become silly - he kept trying to tell her to go out with a young pioneer in her congregation - that he would be better for her and for him and he would do better in the congregation than I would - which is what it all boils down to. That destroyed me. I was close to suicide for a while to the point that my parents were actually worried to leave me alone or go away. When they did they arranged for friends to visit me and keep me happy. In the run up to the split I'd worked as hard as I could to make the grade for MS. put in the hours (i hated knocking on doors - never felt right for me) Id towed the line (i used to love Guns N Roses but that got squashed in a stern lecture!!) participated in meetings as much as I could - essentially became the model brother. But because I wasnt in the 'in' crowd - i watched other who shouldnt have been made MS appointed. I remember a dear brother now sadly departed who had put his entire life into the work telling me one day that i wouldnt do well because of my family situation and the situation with my sister and the fued with the PO. Probably in 1991 - 1992 I began to see things as they really were. The organisation was one big joke. A congregation wasnt about what you did but who you were. Be the son of a single parent who isnt interested in pioneering and your nothing. Dont 'hang out' (bottom kiss??) the PO or his 'clique' and your nothing. I felt like I was banging my head against a brick wall constantly.... Then I remember our very old dear friend from Yorkshire - At one point he was a PO, he was also (possibly) the Chief architect for the NE of England on the building committee for Bethel. Well respected country wide. His sons went through an unruly stage, he disagreed with a number of other elders descisions and found himself pretty much stripped of Eldership and everything he'd worked for. So i had one guy who was a clear bully, wife beater, child beater and total manipulater who - because he sucked up to the right people was being groomed for Elder, who could rally his allies the moment any accusations where thrown against him and dodge them and another much loved brother who was stripped of everything hed spent 40years working for because his 18+ yr old sons decided to make their own minds up about stuff. I knew that was just an excuse to remove him. I spend about a year staying at home when my mum went to meetings, Feeling guilty. All my friends continued to call, we continued to hang out, go places but it didnt feel right. I remember the elder who told me the truth of the situation inviting me to meet him at a pub. We talked long and hard about how i felt and all he could really offer was "Jehovah will sort it in his own time" Such empty meaningless words. I tried a different congregation for a while but it became the same story. Political maneuvering that would make Bush proud (or Blair ;-)) people sucking up to Brother X because hes flavour of the month and bar one or two people who id known for a long time i was running away from my problems and they didnt like it. Im very bitter about my experience. To see an organisation that was supposed to be the true representative of God turn out to be nothing more than a political wrangling for power, prominence and prestige. It didnt meet what I expected - what I had been taught to believe and expect and knowng in my heart that I wasnt cut out for ministry work which in turn marked me as a hanger on (even though ive turned out to be an incredible public speaker) and meant I would never get anywhere. 23 years of my life wasted. I missed out on being a teenager, I missed out on university because it wasnt the done thing, I still feel guilty about celebrating my birthday, my sons birthday and christmas. I hate the way I had to leave my family and friends and move 300+ miles to a place where I knew hardly anyone to start a life again. I hate the fact that I cried in my mums arms when I told her i had to do it and she knew it was the only way I would recover my sanity. I hate how my niece is ignored by her grandparents because they forced my sister and her husband to leave because of the way they treated them. I hate the fact i lost my first true love. A woman who I would have happily spent as much time as possible with. I hate the way my mum, who has been ill for 20 years has been shunned and ignored and made to feel. And yet, Ive met a wonderful woman, we have been together since 200. We have a great son who I love dearly so in some ways im greatful as well for the courage i got to move away and start again. My partner doesnt know about my past - other than i left because of ghosts of a past relationship. Last night I met with a friend, his partner and two other people and for the first time in what feels like ever I admitted to them what I was before I moved. Tonight Im going to take a print out of this and burn it. In doing so I hope it acts as the break I need to allow me to explore my true spiritual side which has been slowly awakening in the past 12 months. Thanks all for listening. Its long and jumbled. Theres no one thing other than the way people treat you if your not conforming to their expectations, even if it meets the bibles expectations. Since moving to the SE I havent attend nor plan on attending a single meeting. Ive simply faded away....

32

Newbie saying hello

by Zed in

wow finally...........

a place i can come to to release the anger, fustration and hatred i feel to an organisation so clearly led by and ruled by man!!!

just saying a big hello to everyone out there.

Zed

southAfricanBeef I actually 'ran away' to Kent to break the ties i had with the JW's once and for all. I was in the 'truth' (sheesh I still talk to my mum calling it that after what 8 years officially and probably closer to 12 years unofficially) up in t'north - specifically the Fylde Coast Lancashire and Hull. And there is the beginnings of the story ... ;-)

32

Newbie saying hello

by Zed in

wow finally...........

a place i can come to to release the anger, fustration and hatred i feel to an organisation so clearly led by and ruled by man!!!

just saying a big hello to everyone out there.

Zed

wow finally........... A place I can come to to release the anger, fustration and hatred I feel to an organisation so clearly led by and ruled by man!!!! Just saying a big hello to everyone out there. Literally found you reading some bits and pieces elsewhere today and feel this is the place to lay it all bare as it were. So hiya and hopefully i can bore you with why im here..... Zed AKA Si