No--you are not crazy. You are creative and unfulfilled by the life you have.
It's like trying to keep a cork under water to repress your need to do--your passion. Do it.
Keep your feet on the ground and go.
Some poster said to go with your strength, what you have to give. If it's music, as you've said yourself, other musician know what you have.
Just stay the hell away from meth.
My wonderful oldest son is trying to put his life together after a prison stint over a meth charge. Meth will derail and depress and ultimately destroy you and your dreams. So steer clear, son.
Find good people to be around and don't be closed off from the Good.