"we got so used to this second opinion lurking in our own heads that we considered it our own."
True!
I gew up a JW, I was used to being watched by god, the angels, jesus, the devil, the demons, the world AND the congregation. I had to have an explanation for everything, justify every move to all these watchers. That conversation in my head, justifying everything I did, went on for a long time after I left the wtbts. I was so used to being watched and judged, I just carried on doing it to myself when I left.