YES!
I play Hooky all the time. I don't pull the "sick" card anymore because it gets too suspicious after a while, but I will pull the- "Omg, my car isn't working right. OH my God, i almost had an accident!" card all the time.
saywhat29
JoinedPosts by saywhat29
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18
Did you ever play 'WATCHTOWER HOOKY' ?
by AK - Jeff inlong before we 'figured it out', i think we were tiring of the whole routine and demands, though we could not admit such openly, even to each other for the most part.
but i recall occasionally 'oversleeping', and in some cases i had woke early enough but just intentionally let time go by and got up 'running late'.
our family 'tradition' was to stop for breakfast at a local restuarant on the way to the kh.
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10
She Said It Again...
by saywhat29 inshe said that if i went out in that world and lived "like that" then she would never see me again.
instead, mine are of what is fantasy and what is reality.
reality is becoming more... "real".
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saywhat29
My mom. She said that if I went out in that world and lived "like that" then she would never see me again. "Like that" is what she replaces with gay or homosxual in mixed company because of the shame of a having a child that is not normal by even the world's standards. Before, it used to tear me down; I should be moping about, wondering about being lonely and not having a family anymore. I still do sometimes; I recently went to a wedding of a family friend and seeing the family, through all their problems and situations, how they posed together and the love they all shared. It almost made me sick to think about my family, how if I ever got married to a woman, it would be a lie that would fill them with joy, and if I eevr shared my lie with a guy, they would be nowhere in sight.
Again, last night she said it. "Live like that and I will not be able to deal with you." I used to think that maybe she would try, maybe- after time. Even after hearing some of your stories, I believed my mother -"No, not my mom. She's my friend" -would give me some sort of chance.
I'm starting to actually see reality. I'm starting to see the world a little like she does; stark, hard decisions and conclusions that draws lines down the middle of right and wrong. Instead, mine are of what is fantasy and what is reality. I love fantasy since I live in my head everyday and I romantisize most of the relationships I have, blowing them up to proportions that are far from real. I can't leave the religion doing the same thing that keeps others trapped inside of it. Reality is becoming more... "real". Yeah, that didn't make any sense- what I mean is that reality is becoming what I desire instead of the fantasy- of friends, of family. I can't have the conventional family that my own wants for me with a wife and kids. I don't know, maybe I could, but if I did it would still be the queerest conventional family ever. I can't give them what they want.
I have to give me what I want.
So, I know it is time for me to go. Again, my mother won't deal with a son like that, a son whose not a "real man". My therapist helped show me that she has every right as a human being to do what she wants, to react how she wants. She cannot change me from being gay and I can't change her from being in a anti-gay, void-of-anything-real cult. I know things I'm not suppose to and there is no going back, even if I sometimes wish I could be the good faithful JW son. My therapy has helped me see that I control my world, that I have a degree of control and that this is mine. And more than anything, this is all I have. My life and I want it. If any people still feel low, still feel like they aren't worth anything because their family will or are treating them like scum, then please seek out some counseling. It can't make all the feelings go away and I still and will always feel pain when I lose my own. But you have to speak to someone or else you will be stuck. If you moved on from this cult then move on from the pain because you are worth it.
I need to be stronger, stronger than I am. I will be, eventually. I have no choice since I won't take my life- not for them. I would die for them- any of them, but I cannot live a life that is a lie. That is worst than death. So even if my mom or the rest of my family won't dal with a son "like that", I will because I have to. I am "like that".And I know that I don't believe this cult anymore. I need freedom and that is not something this religion can give you. I'd rather die of AIDS then to live forever in some gardenlike place afraid of thinking and feeling what I want to in fear of the Sky God.
..Besides, have ou seen pictures of the new system? I swear, you can tel there aren't any gay people because all those sister with the big hair and those horrible sun desses from the 50's *shudders* It's like fashion and individuality die in the new system (unless you're a person of color then you get to wear kimonos and african garb all day)
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When I am weak - then I am weak!
by slimboyfat ini wonder how others cope with powerlessness?
as a witness i took great comfort from the thought that when i was at my lowest, that is when i could rely on jehovah completely: as in the saying, "when i am weak - then i am powerful!
" but i can't take comfort in that any more because that kind of attitude seems like mere wishful thinking to me now.
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saywhat29
Hmm, to me this is all about how you feel and look at the matter- to me not believing in a God has made me feel better than believing in one- and maybe for you trying to not believe in one has led you to great discomfort and unhappiness. Like you seem kinda bitter about now being an unbeliever and that's not how it should be. I think like so many people, you are taught to believe the the WTBS is the ONLY way to god, or that Christianity is all there is when there are many paths to God or a higher being. I mean there is this tone in your writing that assumes that without God, what is there? To me I don't understand that because I see lots of things with or without God, but maybe because I HAVE to in order to be happy and have peace. I think maybe you should regain God or a sense of spirituality in order to find that- and also take comfort in what you DO have.
It is so easy to get caught up in what we don't have. Me? gay kid with a witness family afraid of being shunned, living at home because I'm afraid of losing them. Some days all I can do is dwell on the bad, dwell on the pain I'm one day goig to HAVE to face, dwell on not having the family I once had.
But I wake up (thankful for that, as being a witness has made me appreciate that no day is promised to you), I feel loved even with the restraints and unfair issues surrounding that love, I have people who give a damn about me even if they don't do it the way I want them to, I have a house, I get to practically do whatever I want, Going to school.... there is so much! I can't relate to your physical health concerns at the moment and I'm sorry you're going through them, but I bet if you actually tried to see all the good in your life, even when there is sh*tload of bad, it makes it easier. And sometimes it's the small things that you take for granted- I really enjoy the amount of time I spend with my family even if they are homophobic as hell and get on my last nerve. I appreciate my sister and her issues, my friends, even the mundane things of life.
I think appreciating the mundane little things is what helps beause there will always be uncertainty and pain in life and there's no avoiding it. I think being a JW protected you from something that most adults face early in life, like their mortality. Maybe I'm projecting bcause I went through it to, but I think you are grieving the death of your JWism- and that's okay to. But just know that there is a way out and that you can be happy, that you can be a believer in Christ without ever having to wake up on Saturday mornings and knock on doors or sit through hours of a 3-day convention.
Okay, did a lot of projecting here, lol. End of my rant. I hope you feel better slim.
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25
when they ask Where will you go...........the answer
by purplesofa inyep, everyone i have talked to -----first question they ask----but where will you go?
i tell them anywhere as long as it is away from the clutches of the wt.
the house is on fire!
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saywhat29
"Where will I go?"
Well duh. I'm going to Disney World, silly! I'm surprise nobody has ever replied this way.. I think I'll have to one day.
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There is ONLY ONE True Religion - It's fact
by FlipThis inthere is only one true religion - it's fact.
imagine for a minute, whether you believe in god or not:.
you die.. you meet god.. god says "there is only one true religion on earth today.
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saywhat29
I'd want the door Madonna or Janet Jackson chose.
Just sayin'.
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I REALLY DON'T CARE...............................
by Warlock ini believe in god, but i also realize he may not exist.. if you don't believe in god, i really don't care, i'm just curious.. i don't have this need to start threads like "why you must believe in god", or other such nonsense, but some of you still have this "control" issue that you thought you left in the org.
it seems like you must still try to control what others think.
"think like me, or you are an idiot.
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saywhat29
Hmm, you know I think this is really a matter of atheist/agnostics outnumbering theist or those that still believe in God (and if they don't, then its an issue of them just being more vocal about their feelings) on the board and I guess for some, in lashing out at the Watchtower religion, they may not know that they are lashing out at others who still hold a Judeo-Christian belief system or any system that believes in any God. I know that myself I am slowing sliding into atheism and at times lash out at the beliefs of the JWs or Christianity maybe because is been shoved down my throat so much and at times feel burned by it.
With myself, being a person coming from such a high mind control group, its sometimes easier to toss all of the beliefs away and dismiss them as phony and being gay its really easy to feel... uncomfortable about beliefs that don't fit/damn me, so if I ever have said or will say things that diss the WT or God in general, that's where it comes from. But I don't think people are stupid or crazy for believing in God- and I don't think most here do.
Its just that we've been burned and need to lash out about it.
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10
Finding a Therapist
by freeme inim thinking often about finding a therapist to talk my burden off my shoulders.
since many years i have noone to talk to.
im lonely while having plenty of friends.
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saywhat29
ROFL! I never thought of that!
You know I'm gonna start counting my time in therapy as field service time. Because lord knows they owe me for it... and if they can't pay me then at least it can do is keep them away from me for a while without the "I missed you out in field service" routine.
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Finding a Therapist
by freeme inim thinking often about finding a therapist to talk my burden off my shoulders.
since many years i have noone to talk to.
im lonely while having plenty of friends.
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saywhat29
I've recently started seeing a therapist myself- only have had two sessions so far and my next one is Monday. It's too early to really see any changes of course, but I am starting to think that he might not be the one for me.
My issues really have to do with my self-esteem, my issues with my upbringing, religion (of course), and sexuality and so far I do spend a lot of time breaking down a lot of JW concepts to my therapist which just wastes time- time I pay for y'know. I wanna tell him "go to the Internets and you can see for yourself." I had to explain to him issues of baptism and why it is so important, and the guilt that accompanies it, though I think he thinks its just the usual religion v. gay drama (and I don't know maybe it is) and deals with it as such. So I wonder how long I'll continue to see the guy.
HOWEVER, I will say one of the benefits of it all is just being able to say ANYTHING. I mean JWD is awesome and everything, but having a person in front of you who wont blast you for your feelings and thoughts and will take the time to listen (mainly cause you're paying them, but I digress) is so amazing. It felt lke such a rush for a second to say that, "I don't believe it anymore and I'm gay." Well, I don't think you'd say that.... And to say it without a total meltdown that would bring from a witness or a nonchalant expression of a non-jw who doesn't understand your conflict. So I say def. find a therapist and do not feel bad if you don't find the right one the first time. You can just go and enjoy the feeling of letting it all out and trust me, it feels so good to voice how you really feel without worrying about losing your family or being kicked out of your home.
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If Jehovah went to a psychiatrist, what would be his diagnoses?
by flipper inwe're talking about a "supreme being" who hates a lot, is violent and vindictive, fascist, any "love" is totally conditional, plays mean mind games (sacrifice your son for me)....he probably oughta be locked up!
mrs flipper
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saywhat29
Hmm, okay so we all know that "Jehovah" then has like multiple personalities (since he answers to different names), anger issues, and image issues. Don't forget about his self-esteem.
I mean, I think he really needs to love himself more. Like all those times Israel had left him to serve other Gods, but he kept taking them back over and over again- but not before doing some pissed-off-ex-girlfriend- sh*t, like kiling people, having them enslaved, and sending them into war without his backing when they thought he was there.. Bitter, much? Jehovah would probably key your cars for not serving him (if he could) Like if I could I would have told him to forget those ho*s and that he was fabulous without them.
***Also another thing that sets off my Gaydar about Ms. Jehovah is the fact that his temple always had to be decked out. Gold, the best jewels, and when his temple wasn't right, he would throw a fit. I mean in today's standards, its kinda of tacky, but back then I guess that was what was hot. And like a queen, whenever his folks conquered another place, he made sure that their Gods temple was trashed 'cause he didn't want anyone to outdue his.
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If Jehovah went to a psychiatrist, what would be his diagnoses?
by flipper inwe're talking about a "supreme being" who hates a lot, is violent and vindictive, fascist, any "love" is totally conditional, plays mean mind games (sacrifice your son for me)....he probably oughta be locked up!
mrs flipper
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saywhat29
Greendawn, I understand that there is a difference between how the WT portrays God/Jehovah and how others do, and that comment was really just a joke. I always felt that there was a big difference between the Ot and the Nt and never unerstand how people could merge the two and gather a complete and balance view of god. But that's just me.