Posts by ssrriotsquad

67

Title Your Own Copy of The Awake Magazine

by Homerovah the Almighty in

lets have some fun and title your very own copy of the awake or watchtower magazine.

i'll start off with a couple of my own :.

lend your money to jehovah to gain everlasting life.

ssrriotsquad

YPA - Masturbation - Hands on guide on how not to do it!

53

Would You Like To Know What Goes On At Elder's Meetings?

by minimus in

jw
friends

have you ever wondered what goes on at an elder's meeting?

after a prayer, the presiding overseer will state what the purpose of the meeting is.

if it's a quarterly meeting, the elders will discuss the spirituality of the congregation, its spirit and any dangerous trends that may be observed.

Let's make JW-friendly greeting cards...

by exwitless in

did you ever think about the fact that when you were a dub, it was pointless to buy a box of all occasion greeting cards?

it annoyed the heck out of me, because you couldn't use the ones for birthdays or most of the sympathy cards (because they often said "lord" or "god" in them).

so what would a box of jw greeting cards contain?.

ssrriotsquad

Cover: Congratulations on becoming an elder!

Inside: This card is meant to be given to your wife.

Cover: In times of need when you are feeling down.....

Inside: Where's your field service report?

Cover: Happy Memorial

Inside: The only celebration that you are permitted to have.

73

What "Unwritten Rules" Did Your Congregation Have?

by minimus in

jw
friends

i knew of a hall that allowed only white shirted speakers on the platform for sunday public talks!

when a visiting speaker did not wear the official white shirt he was either told that he couldn't give the talk or he could change shirts,as the hall kept a variety of sizes, just in case of an emergency!!!

i don't make this up.

ssrriotsquad

On two door cars:

I knew a brother that had a ute. He was spoken to several times about it and he always replied "The only reasons why I have a ute instead of a sedan is:

1/ I use it for work (as he worked in the building industry). There is no point for me to have a sedan when I get a load of timber or gravel, I would have to tow a trailer every day to work.

2/ It is cheaper to run one car then two cars or a car with a trailer, especially when the Society wants us to simplify our lives.

3/ They do not make utilities with four doors. (This was before invention of the dual cab utes)

4/ Who will take the lawn clippings and green waste when we its our turn to do the gardening?

5/ What are you getting onto me for? Why not elder so & so? He is married and has only a ute for the same first four reasons as I do."

Another brother in the same cong had the most unforgiven sinful of the two door vehicle - the Panel Van (aka 'Shaggin Wagon').

When he was asked why he had the PV, his reply was simply the best. "So I can take your daughter/missus to the drive-in/beach."

He was actually a butcher by trade and the PV was very well insulated like an esky.

109

Your most hated Kingdom Songs ever...

by B_Deserter in

we all know that skilled songwriters the brothers are not, so what are your most hated kingdom songs?

the ones that made you cringe when you saw them listed on the km or watchtower?

mine?.

ssrriotsquad

Apocalypse now:

Dark days are here! Kids live in fear! With dire expectation, to child molestation... Hands on their throat, children they grope. Society has denied the charges all around..

109

Your most hated Kingdom Songs ever...

by B_Deserter in

we all know that skilled songwriters the brothers are not, so what are your most hated kingdom songs?

the ones that made you cringe when you saw them listed on the km or watchtower?

mine?.

ssrriotsquad

I hate they always use either song 4 or 15 for funerals. It is more depressing when they do that then if they dont have a song at the end.

Personally, I would prefer AC/DC's "Highway to Hell" to be at my funeral. Pretty well describes my life.

Living easy, living free

Season ticket on a one-way ride

Asking nothing, leave me be

Taking everything in my stride

Don't need reason, don't need rhyme

Ain't nothing I would rather do

Going down, party time

My friends are gonna be there too

I'm on the highway to hell

No stop signs, speed limit

Nobody's gonna slow me down

Like a wheel, gonna spin it

Nobody's gonna mess me round

Hey Satan, payed my dues

Playing in a rocking band

Hey Momma, look at me

I'm on my way to the promised land

I'm on the highway to hell

(Don't stop me)

And I'm going down, all the way down

I'm on the highway to hell

64

Our Watchtower Study On obedience & submission

by dark angle in

yesterday we have a study of the watchtower about obedience and submission.

this study arose a lot of questions and heightened emotions in me and the interested retired judge sitting besides me.

we came accross the 9th pharagraph, page 28 of the april 1, 2007, where it says that: "it is easy to obey when everything is clear and we agree, but we will show that we are trully submissive if we yeild even when we do not personally understand the direction provided.

ssrriotsquad

that is why they never released that as a drama tape.

16

Did You Ever Question The Talks At The Hall Or The Assemblies?

by The wanderer in

jw
friends

did you ever question the talks at the hall or the assemblies?looking back at having spent years present at meetings and assemblies made me think back .

to the time when i both witnessed and delivered talks.

one of the defining moments of why .

ssrriotsquad

I had once the CO ask me to do a demo with him on a visit of his. It went as the following (I was holding the mic):

C/O: Hello, my name is so-and-so and I have been engaged in the christian ministry work this morning

Me: Not interested mate!

C/O (thinking - oh I can get around this): Are you not interested in a better world for our children and family?

Me: Not interested I said!

C/O: Is it religion?

Me: Are you deaf? I said I'M NOT INTERESTED!

C/O: Oh! (with a puzzled look on his face)

Me: NOW GET OFF MY PROPERTY AND SHUT THE GATE BEHIND YA! (with that I hit the microphone to cause a huge thump thru the sound system and sat back down).

C/O: What was that for?

Me: Welcome to our territory! (Biggest smile on my face)

Most in the cong was in disbelief because I did this to the C/O, but some laughed as they saw the funny side to it. They know now never pick me when I up to it.

42

Does Being A Jehovahs Witness Lead To Disorders?

by The wanderer in

jw
friends

does being a jehovahs witness lead to disorders?the life of being one of jehovahs witnesses was a challenging one at best .

and an agonizing one at worst.

i recall the days of my black depression .

ssrriotsquad

Etteruot's Syndrome (Reversal of Tourette's Syndrome) - Instead of saying foul words, you say pleasantry words to everyone.

Headswelleitis - For those who have relatives or positions within the organisation.

70

No outlet for unattractive men in this society...

by Gregor in

jw
friends

they work hard and take care of their mothers.

they are loving uncles and kind hearted.

but they are 5'3', 290 lbs., bald at 35 and their personal interests are grounded in 3 stooges movies and star trek reruns.

ssrriotsquad

Maybe they should pass a new law in the society, no brother is to be single once he is of 21 years of age.