Well I spoke with him again this afternoon. I am so confused. I thought we just had to "lay low" for a couple of weeks until his appeal. Today he told me that if he is still disfellowshipped after his appeal (which I'm sure he will be, but he has hope otherwise) we would not be able to be seen in public until he is reinstated, and then at that time he wants me to go to the hall with him, and not a different one like I did before. I asked him how long he thought his disfellowship would last, and he said maybe 3-6 months, maybe longer. That is a long time to have to sneak around. It would be pretty difficult for me because we have always been so open before and were even engaged earlier in the year. When I got a little upset about it, he told me I needed to be supportive of him and not make him feel bad and to stop thinking about myself. I told him I wasn't trying to make him feel bad, I just didn't like feeling like I was a dirty secret that he had to hide. He said that's not how it is, but then told me that I certainly hadn't helped matters when I confessed our sex life to my bible study teacher. He told me he loves me and wants to marry me if I become a Witness. If I don't become a Witness, he is willing to date me for the rest of his life because there is no one else he wants to be with except me, but we have to be spiritually united so God can bless our marriage. I guess he forgot his first two exes were Witnesses but they still divorced anyway. This is just very confusing. I'm not sure if I can do this. He said I will have to decide if I think he and our relationship is worth it. I wanted to turn the question around to him and ask him the same thing but didn't want to get blasted.
emilyblue
JoinedPosts by emilyblue
-
43
Quick question!
by emilyblue inhello, how long do judicial committees for possible disfellowship typically last?
-
-
-
43
Quick question!
by emilyblue inhello, how long do judicial committees for possible disfellowship typically last?
-
-
emilyblue
His meeting lasted four hours. FOUR. I got so worried I actually drove by the church or hall or whatever at 11:30 pm to see if his car was still there because I was concerned about where he was and if he had lost it and was off wasted somewhere. He came when it was finished, around midnight, and told me he was disfellowshipped. He said he is going to appeal because one of the elders was close to his ex-wife, who is apparently very hurt that he had sex with me even though they were already separated over two years ago before I even knew him and are divorced. He told me that he wants us to work out our problems, he wants me to become a Witness, then after his appeal in a few weeks, he wants to date me openly, which we've already been doing before we broke up the last time, he wants to marry me and he believed we can be so happy if we just live according to God's will. I told him I was so sorry for confessing all this stuff to my bible study teacher, and he told me he understood why I did it and was sorry for blowing up at me a couple of weeks ago when I told him what I had done. He said he loves me so much and is going to become a better man for me and study God's word so that he can be a better husband to me than he was to both his exes. At this point, I'm thoroughly confused. I was concerned he would hate my guts after being disfellowshipped last night, but it's the opposite. He was very loving. He did tell me we needed to "lay low" for the next couple of weeks before his appeal because there was no need to add fuel to their fire. We are no longer having sex and have toned down the physical stuff almost totally, but he is worried they won't believe that if anyone sees us together. This just kind of seems ridiculous to me. I feel like a teenager, having to sneak around behind my mom and dad's backs. We're two grown unattached people who were physical with one another in a loving relationship which we both believed was headed toward marriage. I'm just really sick of the whole guilt thing. I want to be there for him, and I believe him when he tells me that he is so sorry for how he has lost his temper with me in the past, but I don't know if I can live like this. Even if we were to get married, I have a feeling the elders would always be in bed with us, so to speak. He told me last week that the day of his wedding to his second wife, they fooled around and had sex the morning of their wedding day for the first time. They felt so guilty that they confessed what they had done to the elders after they got back from their honeymoon, and he was reproved for that. Reproved for sex right before the ceremony? That's so weird to me. Why would anyone feel guilty and feel like they deserved to be disciplined? What really annoys me is how he told me last night that he doesn't really care what the elders think of him, he's just worried that God can't love him. It's very frustrating to me to see him like this and to know that he is worried that God doesn't care about him. He said at the end, he asked if they would pray with him for guidance, but they told him no, they can't pray with him. he can't even have any of their literature while he's disfellowshipped. Well, he can have mine. I'll find something else to pick up dog poop with.
-
43
Quick question!
by emilyblue inhello, how long do judicial committees for possible disfellowship typically last?
-
-
emilyblue
Thank you all for the info. he's been in now for 2 and a half hours.
-
43
Quick question!
by emilyblue inhello, how long do judicial committees for possible disfellowship typically last?
-
-
emilyblue
Thank you all very much. The meeting is about having sex outside of marriage. It's my ex-boyfriend's meeting and it started at 7:30 pm and I was wondering when I would hear from him about what happened.
-
43
Quick question!
by emilyblue inhello, how long do judicial committees for possible disfellowship typically last?
-
-
emilyblue
Hello, how long do judicial committees for possible disfellowship typically last?
-
12
i hate him
by emilyblue intonight i am a littel drunk and i miss him so much i can't stand it.
i have been fine allweek until now tonight.
becuasuse i am wathcing a good year with very manly rusel crowe and we watched it at movies together and made plans for our good life together that now we cant ever have because he doesnt love me enough to leave what i bleieve religiously alone.
-
-
emilyblue
This is really embarrassing. Is there a way to delete a post? I had a pretty rough night last night, obviously. I did fine during the week, but I stayed home and felt sorry for myself all day yesterday, which was a mistake. "Idle hands are the devil's workshop" and all that. At least I didn't drink enough to call him. The first thing I did this morning was to check my dialed calls history on my phone. If there's a way to delete or edit a post, I would really appreciate it if someone let me know.
-
12
i hate him
by emilyblue intonight i am a littel drunk and i miss him so much i can't stand it.
i have been fine allweek until now tonight.
becuasuse i am wathcing a good year with very manly rusel crowe and we watched it at movies together and made plans for our good life together that now we cant ever have because he doesnt love me enough to leave what i bleieve religiously alone.
-
-
emilyblue
tonight I am a littel drunk and I miss him so much i can't stand it. i have been fine allweek until now tonight. becuasuse I am wathcing a good year with very manly rusel crowe and we watched it at movies together and made plans for our good life together that now we cant ever have because he doesnt love me enough to leave what i bleieve religiously alone. he said all our relationshit problems were because we were not religioukly united and god couldnt bless us but i say all our porblems were because he felt so guilty for eerything he ever did with me and coudlnt let go of what other women including hi s mother had did to him in the past. those women weren't me and I lvoed you so much. iam tired of telilng my friends and my family that i am fine and happy because i am not right now. i know I will be but I am not right now. ihate you david i hate you so much. i would have done anything for you and you get so mad at me for making mistakes and telling me I have bad irish temper when i have never said to you the things that you ahave siad to me. I am going to miss you just dont knwo why.
-
13
Thanks to all of you!
by emilyblue ini want to thank all of you for your words of wisdom and support during my breakup with my jw ex-boyfriend.
i honestly don't know how i would have handled the last few weeks without having this forum.
i had reached the point where i had no where else to turn.
-
-
emilyblue
I want to thank all of you for your words of wisdom and support during my breakup with my JW ex-boyfriend. I honestly don't know how I would have handled the last few weeks without having this forum. I had reached the point where I had no where else to turn. I was too embarrassed to confide anymore to my family and friends because I felt so ashamed for allowing myself to go through the same cycle, over and over again. Thank you for being here. I have learned so much reading all the posts, past and present.
I am moving back to my home state in June, and I am so excited! A few months ago, my older brother and sister-in-law bought a new house. They sold their old house to my other brother and sis-in-law. Well, they in turn are going to lease THEIR old house to me, with the option to buy once I am all settled in! My dad calls it the trifecta! It just feels like more than a coincidence. I feel like God is pointing me in the right direction now that I'm finally able to let go of this unhealthy relationship. I've sent in my resume and application to several school districts there and have received an offer from my old principal from the very first district in which I taught! I wasn't crazy about working in that particular district and had put my application in there primarily as a "back up," so I'm not sure if I should accept the position or wait it out and see if something I would like better comes along. It's only April, after all, so I feel I have some time before I get desperate.
I feel happy now, and it's only been about a week since our last blowout. A few weeks ago, I thought I would be miserable without him. I feel free. He is no longer around to blame me or confuse me. I do worry about him a lot though. But he is a grown man and he is the one who made the ultimatum, not me. I do feel bad about the way it ended, but it just couldn't seem to end on a good note. He asked me why I felt I couldn't become a Witness, and when I gave him my reasons, he figuratively beat me up again with scripture until I finally told him I didn't care what the Bible said. He had a field day with that comment. Of course I care, but he had me feeling so confused and frustrated I just wanted to yank the Bible out of his hands and beat him over the head with it and then shove it up his you-know-what.
One of the positive things I have gotten out of this relationship is that I have read the Bible more in the last few months than I think I have my entire life. Another thing that I have learned is that you really can't make someone else happy if they're not so inclined. That's never really hit home with me before this. I always felt like everything could be in my control, but I had absolutely no control over his moods and actions. I feel like I know myself better now. I know what I can and can't live with; I know just how far I can compromise before I start to feel like I am losing myself. I have also learned that I can't give my heart away so easily the next time. As Dr. Phil or someone said, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
You all have given me such wise advice. I have read your responses to my posts dozens of times when I have felt weak and wanted to call him. You have helped more than you can ever know.
Thank you.
-
16
a little confused
by emilyblue ini think my head is a little messed up from my recent relationship with a man who is a jw.
i attended a few meetings and bible studies with an older woman who i met at the first meeting.
i am not going to become a jw because i can't give up holidays and birthdays, but i do have a few questions.
-
-
emilyblue
I think my head is a little messed up from my recent relationship with a man who is a JW. I attended a few meetings and bible studies with an older woman who I met at the first meeting. I am NOT going to become a JW because I can't give up holidays and birthdays, but I do have a few questions. I'm a little disturbed at myself because I'm wondering what is so wrong about being a JW, even though I know I could never do it. It's just that the more meetings I went to, the more I began to think, "What exactly is so bad about being a Witness?". Everyone I met was so friendly and "normal." Not to mention well-dressed. I must admit the guys seemed a little nerdy, but nice. Before meeting my ex-boyfriend, I had always thought of JW's as weirdos and joy-killers. Actually I never really gave them much thought at all, because I think I've only ever had them knock of my door once. Learning more about it, it just seems like a very strict lifestyle based on very narrow beliefs, but sometimes I catch myself thinking that maybe it isn't such a big deal. Is this how people get sucked in? It's something that I NEVER would have thought of doing before I met my ex-boyfriend. I think my thinking might just be off because I am just now beginning to get over our recent breakup (2 days ago.)
-
83
I think I did a really bad thing.
by emilyblue ini do not attend the same hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me.
i'm not a witness.
he confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final.
-
-
emilyblue
Oh Lord. It will never end unless I just come out and say something mean and nasty to him. He came over last night and cried because he was worried he was a bad person. He had called his ex-wife earlier that evening and told her she was free to remarry since he had sex with someone else. She told him she didn't care, because she would never remarry, seeing as how she had already been married to two bums already. She told him he had been emotionally abusive during their marriage and had made her feel like she was a bad mother to her kids (his stepchildren.) Anyway, some of the remarks most have hit home because he was feeling immense guilt. It was short-lived though, because soon he started blaming her for CAUSING him to feel that way about her. He said she wasn't a good mother because sometimes on weekends she didn't feed her kids lunch until 2 or 3:00 in the afternoon and she sent them to school with holes in their pants and broken zippers on their jackets. He asked me if I thought he was abusive to me, and I said he could be very domineering and inconsistent in his thoughts and sometimes steamrolled me when our opinions differed. I also told him that he threatened our entire relationship any time we had the smallest of disagreements. If we disagreed over which tv show to watch, he would tell me that maybe we are just incompatible. The evening ended with him asking me to become a Witness and then he could marry me. This is the same man who told me he could never trust me again only just the day before. I turned in my letter of resignation at my job today, effective at the end of this school year. I'm moving back home to be near family. If I were to stay here, I would get sucked into this cycle all over again, I know.