AWAKE&WATCHING

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Posts by AWAKE&WATCHING

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  31

  How do you know...

  by coolhandluke in

  1. social
  2. relationships

  if your so is cheating on you?

  well, she's not my so anymore.

  she decided a few days ago that she didn't have it in her to continue the relationship.

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  AWAKE&WATCHING

  I left my husband almost 6 weeks ago. The first week was not too bad because I felt empowered by taking the step to remove myself from the emotional abuse and intimidation.

  The next week I kept thinking that he had the stress of my newly acquired apostate leanings to deal with and maybe it didn't have to actually end, maybe just a break was needed.

  With my renewed ability to think, the time away has given me time to reflect on how destructive our relationship had become. The longer that I am away the more I can see the abuse for what it was.

  My heart still hurts but my mind is what I listen to.

  For me the bottom line is this:

  It no longer matters who is responsible for what.

  The "if onlies" can not be changed or re-done.

  It does not matter why it got to this point- it only matters that it is to this point.

  For me that means moving on after almost 17 years. It hurts but it is necessary.
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  12

  the saddest poem

  by John Doe in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  "saddest poem".

  pablo neruda.

  i can write the saddest poem of all tonight.

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  AWAKE&WATCHING

  Beautiful in both languages.
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  31

  How do you know...

  by coolhandluke in

  1. social
  2. relationships

  if your so is cheating on you?

  well, she's not my so anymore.

  she decided a few days ago that she didn't have it in her to continue the relationship.

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  AWAKE&WATCHING

  Sorry you have this to deal with, I couldn't begin to figure this out.

  My advice is to cut your losses and move on. Easy to say - much harder to do, also much healthier.

  My philosophy is if a person or situation is negative, not positive - take your leave.
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  7

  I WOULD NEVER HAVE BELIEVED IT!

  by Dansk in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  'gay bomb' scoops ig nobel award a study on how to relieve jetlag in hamsters won one of the prizespioneering research into a "gay bomb" that makes enemy troops "sexually irresistible" to each other has scooped one of this year's ig nobel prizes.. other winners included work on treating hamster jetlag with impotency drugs, extracting vanilla from cow dung, and the side-effects of sword swallowing.

  the awards, founded in 1991, mark achievements that "first make people laugh, and then make them think".

  the prize ceremony took place at harvard university, us.

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  AWAKE&WATCHING

  I was also very bothered by the vanilla extracting experiment - up until now it has been my favorite smell.

  The Peace award was amazing, I mean, are you kidding me? What's the deal, not only will they turn into homosexuals, they will turn into lusty homosexuals that won't be able to control themselves long enough to fight? All of this incredible research is being done right here in my home state. I am so proud.

  Good find, I love weird news.
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  12

  Can't have it both ways

  by loosie in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  i just thought about something today.

  the jw's logic or lack there of.. when you are in the "truth" and bad things happen.. satan is persucuting you.

  and when good thing happen to you it's jah's blessing.. when you are out of the "truth" or free as i like to call it.

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  AWAKE&WATCHING

  My favorite is they speak for God and we have to obey every word. But when wrong they are just imperfect men. And we are still supposed to obey every word.
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  11

  One of those days

  by Younglove1999 in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  you know, when the haunting trauma of being out of the organization rears it's ugly head- .

  my husband and i have been out for almost 9 months now and i still struggle with so many emotions.

  some days/weeks i'm fine and other times i just have so much bottled up, i feel like exploding.

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  AWAKE&WATCHING

  YL - I didn't grow up in the organization but I had a lot of drama as the child of an alcoholic.

  It has been my experience that everytime I let a little of it out, I let a little of it go.

  This forum is therapy for me. I only read and comment on what I can handle at that particular time. Sometimes I think of things in my past as a dragon that rears it's ugly head from time to time. Sometimes by remembering and writing about it you can slay it and move on. Sometimes you can only wound it and it comes back again, but this time you are a little stronger and it (the bad memory or feeling) is a little weaker.

  Wow, I just re-read that , do I need to be medicated? Anyway I know what I mean.
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  17

  Update on my letter to the Watchtower...

  by deaconbluez in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  so it's been a month since my detailed letter was sent to the watchtower service department.

  i sent the letter through dhl delivery, so that it could be tracked.

  as of today, they still deny recieving the letter.

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  AWAKE&WATCHING

  I admire your tenacity. Keep it up and keep us posted.
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  39

  Suicide

  by Nicolas in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i know it's a touchy subject, but anyone here has ever thought of suicide while they were still in the organization?

  it seem to me that jehovah's witnesses have a much higher rate of suicide than the rest of the population.

  i contemplated suicide myself when i was struggling to get piece of my life back together after being raised as a "perfect little jw" when i was young.

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  AWAKE&WATCHING

  I not only thought about suicide on a regular basis as a JW I thought about killing my children so they could not be hurt spiritually by their unbelieving father. Then they would be resurrected rather than fall out of the truth due to his influence. I can't believe I thought those things.

  Jehovah's shiny happy people.

  Hugs to you all.
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  64

  When Meetings Went Overtime, What Did You Do?

  by minimus in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i used to start looking at the clock behind me, look at my watch, look at the speaker or person handling the part and give obvious facial expressions expressing my dissatisfaction.

  it was a pet peeve of mine!

  a few times when i had the last part in a service meeting, i'd say, rather sternly,"this originally was a 15 minute part but because we are running out of time, we will dispense with (whatever).".

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  AWAKE&WATCHING

  Minimus - Are you sure you aren't from Delaware, Ohio?

  I would watch the brother that acted like Mini and crack up. I was bothered by a particularly arrogant brother that repeatedly went over for 20 minutes or more and wanted to knock him off the stage myself. It was bad enough to have to listen to him during his allotted time.
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  25

  Did the DFing policy make you emotionally distant?

  by Open mind in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  for those who spent many years in the jw religion, what effect did the knowledge that your friends or family could instantly be "poofed" out of existence by a judicial committee have on you?

  did it cause you to withdraw emotionally?

  looking back over the decades, ( i'm a 3rd gen jw in my forties, mentally out but physically in ) i can remember consciously thinking about whether a new friend was going to be around "for the long haul".

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  AWAKE&WATCHING

  Emotionally distant on so many levels.

  You distance yourself emotionally:

  When y ou first get sucked into the cult - from your "worldly" friends and family.

  From your unbelieving mate because they are going to die.

  When someone you care about now has to be shunned because of DF or DA.

  When you are DF'd so that you can survive the pain of being shunned by friends and family.

  From your believing mate because you can never again be honest about your views and feelings.

  They suck you dry of emotion, they want robots not humans.