What happens during the divorce may push you off the fence. In my case it was one of the final factors in my decision to not care about JW rules any longer, which finally led to my DF. Is your 'soon to be ex' a JW? The elders get really shitty when it comes to divorce. They'll want to know all details and if someone has been unfaithful so they can DF, er, uh, 'help' them. I don't think they really care who they DF, it's whoever is easiest. Remember, you must be scripturally free to begin dating another JW, and the process of determining who is free sounds simple in the publications, but gets mucked up by the elders. I waited 1 year before they finally DF'd my ex(even though I had mounds of evidence to prove guilt), but by that time I had finally come to the full realization that I didn't want to be a JW any more. I was DF a year later, because I knew I could not let men ru(i)n my life any longer.
My situation was fairly similar to yours minus the great family part. So, in reality, yes, no family and no friends, but you have to do what you think is right, for yourself. I felt a huge weight was lifted once my DF was announced. I am a very guarded person so I don't really have any good new friends yet, but I'm being more social at my job and I know I just need to get out there. There is a new freedom you will feel and it is wonderful. It's still depressing at times, especially at this time of year. I have never celebrated holidays, but just seeing and know families are together (happy or sad) reminds me of what I don't have. But the holidays will soon pass and it still feels better than what I felt being in the org.
Don't put too much confidence in the org. They say there is all this 'help' but there really isn't.. It's every man for himself. Keep that in mind with your decision. I've been there before and you have my empathy.
\RD
rogerdodger
JoinedPosts by rogerdodger
-
15
"A MAN WITHOUT A COUNTRY"
by Bourne insince coming to the realization that the jw religion does not hold all the answers, let alone most, the above statement describes me to a "t".
i'm separated from my wife, an almost certain divorce is on the horizon, and because of now being "inactive", with the exception of my family, i have seemingly lost what friends i had.. i can't bring myself to fully embrace "worldly" thinking about many things, yet, as long as i am not an "active" member of the collective, i have no chance of making friends.
in an earlier post, someone asked me the pointed question, "what do you want?
-
-
rogerdodger
-
33
When did you STOP considering yourself a JW ? ? ? ?
by JH inany particular event sparked this change of heart ?.
-
-
rogerdodger
Officially, after I was DF'd. Had doubts for a long time. In my JC I decided this was the last time I was going to be mistreated by elders. It was my first and only JC but I have lots of experience with shitty elders from several different halls in different areas and have watched my family and friends receive bad treatment as well in one form or another. My family that is still JW thinks I'm sooo depressed because I'm not in the org, but it's quite the opposite. I think, besides coming to terms with the fact that I'll never see my family again, I'm happier than I've been in a long time. It is quite liberating to tell workmates and others that I am no longer a JW. I was raised JW and was always embarrassed to tell others something I really couldn't believe myself. Don't have to do that any more! :)
-
-
-
rogerdodger
A brother with an all-pioneer family.. I think this was before he was appointed MS. Anyway, his family was poor and asked for financial assistance for his bail from a sister who was a divorced single parent. Several months later he and his family (known for the typical pioneer pass time of gossip) accuse the sister of being drunk at a graduation party, although she was not. When she told the elders what was going on, they told her to be quiet or risk being DF'd for slander.
Every so often they would accuse others of the same thing.. me included. But as far as I know he was the only drunk. -
18
computer help
by bigdreaux incan anyone tell me what the best program to remove these annoying virisus off my computer is?
i can barely use it now without getting pissed off.
ads are popping up every 15 seconds and stuff keeps changing on my computer.
-
-
rogerdodger
Sounds like you have some spyware called VirtuMonde along with some other fun stuff. Try this..
http://www.microsoft.com/athome/security/spyware/software/support/howto/download.mspx
BTW, it's got a great icon..
RD -
57
Is There a Celebrity that You Resemble ?
by flipper inguys and gals, here we go !
i started a serious thred tonight, now it's time to relax and have some fun!
i think we have all been a bit stressed what with trevor gate and all, so it's friday night, let's loosen up a bit ?
-
-
rogerdodger
More than one person has told me I look like Vince Vaughn. Not sure if that's a good thing or not.
-
23
Funny Kingdom Hall Scandals
by lovelylil inin one hall i was in, we had sister self-righteous.
you know the type, always pointed out how spiritual she is and how much she does for jehovah.
anyway, one time she invited me and my two kids over to swim in her pool on a hot day and i told her i could come but that i had my nephew up from ct for a visit and asked if i could bring him.
-
-
rogerdodger
A 'special pioneer'/ex-missionary and his wife moved to the hall I attended. He was appointed PO shortly after moving in, which was a bit odd. He had a strange if not eccentric personality and always made bizarre comments from the stage, especially regarding sexually related things. One day, while in field service, a local publisher happened upon his 'old' wife he abandoned decades before. They were never divorced and apparently had children together. The hypocrite was eventually DF'd. Always a good time seeing a PO DF'd.
Another regarding pioneers... A pair of pioneers who were dating were caught bangin' in the backseat of one of their pioneermobiles after a meeting on a dark road not far from the hall.. Too horny for their own good I guess..
Gotta watch them pioneerz! -
18
Assistance requested before someone ends up spending mucho $$$$!
by JBean inhi everyone... i have a "hypothetical" situation... here's the issue: i have an "ex" (baptised but no longer involved with the jws)... we got divorced legally, but not for "scriptual" reasons (not because of adultery) said ex has now moved away but it has been found out that they are living with a member of the opposite sex.
same mailing address, single family home, etc.
is this enough grounds for disfellowshipping?
-
-
rogerdodger
In order to be free to date/marry, there must be scriptural grounds for divorce. Scriptural grounds being that either person has committed fornication, which is the basis for disfellowshipping. If someone claims they are free, under this view, there has to be a guilty party. The innocent mate must wait until the elders give the 'green light' or face punishment of their own.
RD -
18
Assistance requested before someone ends up spending mucho $$$$!
by JBean inhi everyone... i have a "hypothetical" situation... here's the issue: i have an "ex" (baptised but no longer involved with the jws)... we got divorced legally, but not for "scriptual" reasons (not because of adultery) said ex has now moved away but it has been found out that they are living with a member of the opposite sex.
same mailing address, single family home, etc.
is this enough grounds for disfellowshipping?
-
-
rogerdodger
There is absolutely no standard on this. Your friend should be prepared, because it could be an indefinite amount of time before anything happens. It absolutely depends on which brothers were asked for help.
Before you read this realize I still suffer from lurkers' paranoia so there is no specific he/she in the story.
In my case, my ex was sleeping around. Before I knew of this, they said they needed some time to think things through..whatever. Finally my ex decided that divorce was the only way and then I started tracking things on our home computer after we separated. We were both sporadically inactive through our marriage but I decided that this event was a sign that I needed to get back into the congregation. I did and reached out to the elders when my ex would not. I regained good standing while my ex avoided all contact with the congregation and our friends. The elders had plenty of time to really try and talk to them and they did not. Because my ex would not admit anything I had gathered plenty of e-mail and finally video evidence of what was going on. My ex had an account on Match.com a month after we separated. The elders wanted nothing to do with any 'electronic evidence' stating possible legal problems for viewing something that was 'private'. I finally got my ex to send a letter to the BOE stating that they committed adultery and was told that it was enough evidence. Six months later I am told that it most certainly is not enough and that no elder would ever tell me this. It was then explained that in order for me to be free to move on that my ex would have to be dealt with judicially and I should just be patient. 1 year after that, after lots of BS, it was finally over but I didn't care any more. I was DF a year after and even though I am without family or friends I can't say I miss the org or the 'loving' eldiots.
RD -
98
Music buffs.Here we go again. List you're all-time favorite Guitarists
by flipper inhello ya'll.
was just listening to great guitar music from some of my favorites.
who are your all time favorites?
-
-
rogerdodger
Forgot a couple (sorry for the formatting of my previous post).. John Mayer is an excellent guitarist - especially blues, Mick Ronson (David Bowie's guitarist thru the Ziggy Stardust era)
-
98
Music buffs.Here we go again. List you're all-time favorite Guitarists
by flipper inhello ya'll.
was just listening to great guitar music from some of my favorites.
who are your all time favorites?
-
-
rogerdodger
I like all that have been mentioned so far but here are some others in no particular order.. Brian Setzer Hank Marvin Dick Dale Johnny Thunders Danny Gatton Eric Johnson Django Reinhardt Johnny Ramone Leslie West Joe Walsh Jeff Beck Keef Richards Nokie Edwards Adrian Legg Henry Garza Robert Randolph Wes Montgomery James Burton Vince Gill Tony Iommi Eddie Van Halen Slash Randy Rhoads Dave Mustaine