I pioneered and was looked up to as a very active and spiritual sister for mostly 30yrs (on and off), I also really cared about the b/s and tried to be as helpful as posible, always love Jehovah, so I guess I made the truth somewhat my own. But I never really was able to have a relationship with Jesus couldn't really grasp the ransom, I thought to much emphasis was placed on Jesus in the churchs and felt sorry for Jehovah, I know I sound like a nut, but thats how I felt.
I was out for years and came back only to be floored by the back bitting, gossiping and unloving treatment of some of the r/f...I found the elders turned into suspicious spys, eavsdropping, the constand stringent rules, and the scripture came to my head all the time. You will know my true deciples by the love they have amongst themselves.(Jhn 13:34,35) (not by the hours they do in FS, or the good talks they give, answering up ect). This is the identification of true christians and congregation, that Jesus said to look for. I didn't see it. I also saw the bias of the elders to certain ones, the unfairness and injustice, I hated the shunning and just basically I didn't feel like I belonged there.
The research was a shock at first and I began to see that the failed prophecies were a true sign that Jehovah could not be backing this org, the child sex crimes and the heartless way that the GB dealt with victims, the indignant way they treated b/s after the 75 sham, the vaccinations and organ, blood and all the changes that cost people their lives and the Malawii political card rule that bought death and countless grief to JW's and families, could go on and on. Get the picture, cant deal with that sort of truth and stay in the so called truth.