Hello everyone,
Before I get started on what I'm afraid will be a lengthy post, I just want to say a few things. This may not be the appropriate forum for me to post what I need to say, but I hope that all of you will be understanding and supportive of how I feel. I've been lurking here for quite some time and have even been brave enough to make a few posts, so I feel somewhat comfortable expressing this here.
Perhaps I should discuss my background a bit before getting to the heart of the matter so you all can understand where I'm coming from.
I am a late 20-something former JW, never disassociated myself but completely stopped attending meetings about four or five years ago. My mother is a die-hard Witness and I and my siblings were raised that way. I've recently completed "Crisis of Conscience" and have discovered the duplicity and cowardice that the WBTS employs in their dealings with their own members and their teachings. Still, I am torn as to my own religious beliefs...Is there a burning hell, will the Earth become a paradise or are we intended to go to heaven? Things of that nature. I'm sure this is normal to an extent, but in light of what has happened this week I'm at a loss.
Due to the horrific events that have taken place this week I am, as the subject line indicates, scared. I suppose it's not a very rational reaction...one would think I would be sad or angry or filled with the very palpable sense of nationalism in the air at the moment, but I'm not.
Nothing in my life prepared me for what I saw on Tuesday. I've mourned for the loss of what happened to those people and their families so much that I don't feel I can even turn on the television again until this has become a little less immediate. Now that the grieving is subsiding somewhat, I'm finding that feeling replaced by fear...
Fear of war, fear of Armageddon, fear for my friends and loved ones, fear for what is going to happen to us all in the wake of this tragic event. Based on what I had been taught my entire life, this possibly points to the beginning of Armageddon and each moment of each day since Tuesday has made it a little harder to deal with.
I don't want to die, I don't want to see the horrible destruction that I was always taught is going to befall mankind, I don't want to see a whole nation (Afghanistan) obliterated in an attempt to get at the person who may or may not have been behind this assault. It all just seems so pointless right now.
Looking back on this message, I'm not entirely sure why I felt the need to post it. I suppose I'm hoping to hear that I'm not the only one that feels this way, that it's ok to be scared or frightened or angry or sad. After writing this I do realize that it's made me feel a bit better now that I've had an opportunity to express myself. Thank you very much for that.
Brian