GGG, your children don't have the same mindset that you do (obviously), and their formal education has a lot to do with that. Your daughter isn't really saying that she'd abandon you in your old age; what it seems to me she's saying is more the perspective of someone who views everything through the eyes of finance: child care isn't provided by family members, a day care is paid, vacations aren't used for family reunions, they're used to see the world, health care, convalescent care, old age care, etc. are also taken care of by paid providers, and why? Because the family and extended family who used to do all these things as a matter of course are now all in the wage market! Your daughter is only acknowledging that reality, and, of course, it sounds cold and unemotional because that's part of the attitude shift that comes with the acceptance of the current socioeconomic arrangement. Your children do still love you, it's just that they will be expressing that love in a style compatible with their education and resultant lifestyle. My guess is that the self-absorption stems from her schooling as well; it's a fearsome thing to be taught that your well-being as a senior depends solely on how well you do in your younger years, how much you save, invest sucessfully, put in Social Security, PERS, etc. That's a far cry from knowing that you have a whole family line to fall back on if times get rough!
If you think it wouldn't come across as abrasive, you might want to engage your children in conversation regarding their views on things like planning for your later years, health, finances, etc. You seem to have something set up already but again, they will have another perspective based on what they've learned during the course of their formal education; they might have some pointers that you could consider and it would probably help to let them have at least some idea of how you are engineering your future; at the very least it may forestall some of the clashes that can occur during a health care crisis.
Your children don't mean to be unloving. The love is there! Their world is just....different, and that's what you're just finding out. I would venture to guess that your daughter had no idea how surprised you would be by her views; to her it just made sense. My suggestion is keep talking to her about such things, as appropriate. That way you'll get a better picture of how she (and her brother) think. The more you listen the more you'll learn, then will come a meeting of the minds. You two may never see things exactly the same way but at least you'll understand each other!
