Maddie

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Posts by Maddie

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  42

  How Have You Gone About Making Friends Since Leaving the Witnesses ?

  by flipper in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i've noticed lately that some on our board, or perhaps for many of us, that's why i'm writing this , have had a challenge making new friends after leaving the jehovah's witnesses religion.

  it has been a mixed bag for me.

  i have met some through my wife, who is not a witness.

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  Maddie

  I have some friends now that are'nt JW's and that I trust. They are people that have similar interests and like me for the person I am.

  Maddie
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  31

  Why was I so blind?

  by James Free in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  now that i can see right through the crap that is the jw religion, i sometimes ask myself - how come you blindly believed all that rubbish for 30 years??!!

  i am so annoyed with myself for that - i have a degree, yet i was totally duped for such a large part of my life.

  and now that i can see how so full of holes it all is, i kick myself for not seeing it before.

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  Maddie

  ---

  Why do people leave cults?

  Burnout

  Some cults work their members so hard that they burn out, sometimes to the point of having nervous breakdowns. When this happens they are no longer any use to the cult, and are simply abandoned.

  No money left

  Some cults take in new members primarily for the money they can give. When a member has no money left he/she is no further use to the cult and is kicked out.

  Disgruntlement

  Members sometimes just get fed up with the way things are run, how they are treated, or the "truth" presented by the cult fails to satisfy them any more.

  Realisation of truth

  Sometimes all it takes it one Bible verse for a cult member to realise he/she has been lied to for years. (This particular effect is due to control of information within the cult and a discouragement of reading the Bible freely.) This does not happen very often, and it often takes years to persuade some members to leave a cult.

  Back to top.

  Why don't people leave cults?

  All the mind control techniques help to keep people in cults, sometimes being used together to form even stronger controls over members. Here's how.

  Deception

  Cults teach their members that the real world is different to how it actually is, making it appear a place that members would not want to be part of.

  Also, the cult member might not realise anything is wrong.

  Exclusivism

  Cults teach their members that only the cult offers salvation or the truth. Leaving the cult is the same as leaving God, and no relationship with God will ever be possible if they leave.

  Fear, Guilt, Intimidation

  The leadership knows all the wrongdoing of the members and the threat of having it all revealed - basically emotional blackmail - is used to scare the member into staying.

  Information control

  If a cult dictates what its members are allowed to read, and what they can listen to on radio and watch on TV, members will not know what the outside world is like. That can make it a very scary prospect stepping out from the cult. The cult may also present its members with a false view of the outside world, perhaps one in which everyone is so sinful that leaving members wouldn't last a week before being killed or worse.

  Alternatively, the cult member might be completely unaware that there is anything wrong with what they are taught or that life within the cult is unusual - it might be all they've ever known.

  Love bombing

  After a honeymoon period where a new member (suddenly) has all the love they can cope with, love is turned on and off to control. Members have their needs for love and acceptance met only when they are complying with the cult's requirements. This is a strong disincentive to do anything wrong, such as think about leaving.

  Relationship control and shunning

  Cults try to control all the personal relationships of their members. Eventually (normally over a period of a few years) the member will not have any close friends outside of the cult. Often their entire family will also be in the cult. It takes a huge amount of courage to leave friends and family behind, since members who leave are shunned by the cult. Shunning is when present members are forbidden to talk to or associate with former members, even if they are their own family. Over the years a person spends within a cult, their business might become completely dependent on other cult members, possibly because the cult leadership has told them they are not allowed to have other customers. If they were to leave, both they and their business would be shunned - no more customers.

  Reporting structure and thought stopping

  If members know that they will be punished for saying or doing anything against the cult (especially if they think the punishment is somehow justified - for example if guilt is also used) they will be more and more reluctant to say or do anything that could possibly appear disloyal. They will eventually block out any anti-cult thoughts as they have them. This is known as "thought-stopping." (It's quite bizarre watching this happen, and very sad, too.)

  Time control

  Some cults deliberately keep their members so busy that they don't have time to consider their involvement. The members are too busy (and possibly too tired) to figure out that the cult is bad. Some extreme cults also control food, which also prevents the member from thinking clearly.

  The fact is that the WT is a cult and that is why people stay in it for a long time or even all their lives. Don't beat yourself up as their mind control techniques are highly sophisticated. At least we,re not in it now.

  Maddie
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  22

  How Did You Personally Deal With Disfellowshipped Ones?

  by minimus in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  .....whether they were family or not??

  ?

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  Maddie

  I knew a few who were df'd and I always smiled and said hello and felt awkward. I never had any family or close friends df'd so I wasn't faced with real emotional stuff. I think it is only when it really hits home that we realise the real impact of it on others and ourselves.

  Maddie
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  8

  Canadian gets 3 years - sexual exploitation of girl while he was a JW elder

  by Gopher in

  1. watchtower
  2. child-abuse

  wendell willick was sentenced to prison last week for sexual abuse of a girl beginning in 1996 when the girl was 14. he was an elder at the time, but gave up being an elder a few years ago and left the jw's entirely in 2004. his lawyer gave some weasel words toward the bottom of this story that claimed willick wasn't acting in his capacity as an elder when the abuse occurred.

  let there be no doubt, willick was an elder when this started and for many years while it was continuing.. http://www.canada.com/theprovince/news/story.html?id=9ab94717-9097-4894-a6bd-bf6e88d81203&k=74159.

  jehovah's witness elder gets three years for sexual exploitationbetty ann adam, canwest news servicepublished: friday, november 09, 2007saskatoon -- a former jehovah's witness church elder has been sentenced to three years in prison for the sexual exploitation of a troubled teenage girl with whom he carried on a four-year relationship.. "our courts must send a clear message to every person in authority over a child that sexual contact with them will not be tolerated and will result in lengthy periods of imprisonment," justice marty popescul said friday at the saskatoon court of queen's bench.. wendell willick, 47, was counselling the girl at the behest of her parents - who were friends of willick through their church - during the period of the abuse, which began in 1996, when the girl was 14.. the court heard during a sentencing hearing that willick first had sexual intercourse with the girl when she was visiting his home on a weekend pass from a hospital psychiatric ward.. the victim, whose name is protected by a publication ban, was in the midst of a troubled adolescence.

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  Maddie

  I just don't understand why these perverts get such ridiculously short sentences. IMO they should all be castrated to be sure they never do it again.

  Maddie
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  13

  Recovery of an Adult Convert (Reconnecting with Loved Ones)

  by lonelysheep in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  it is my third year out and a heavy period of recovery.

  speaking of which, i thought i was recovered!.

  you know that as jw's, the rule is to stay away from anyone who is essentially persuading you to not be associated with 'jehovah's people'.

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  Maddie

  LONELY SHEEP - Yes when many of us become JW's in adulthood, we are encouraged to sever relationships with family and friends. The WT certainly know how to make sure we find it as hard as possible to leave if we want to. In this way they try to make sure we are as isolated as possible. It is just plain psychological torture. It sometimes takes time but hopefully you will be able to build up relationships with your family again. Perhaps you could try explaining the mind control that you were under and how sorry you are now. It's worth a try!

  My thoughts are with you

  Maddie
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  32

  My Letter to The Editor was Published.....

  by AK - Jeff in

  1. watchtower
  2. medical

  again it ran in the sunday edition - i hope that a few people might be 'forewarned' and thus 'forearmed' against the jw religion.

  perhaps a jw or two will read it also- here was the letter:.

  to the editor; on october 25 the british press was awash with the story of young emma gough from tellford, uk.

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  Maddie

  That's great Jeff!!!!!!!!!!!! Well done

  Maddie
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  20

  So close to sending in the letter

  by PoppyR in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  so, i found out today that my whole family, that is mother, older brother wife and child, older sister and husband, younger brother and wife have gone away together for a week.. previously i would have been right in the center of all that.

  this time i didn't even know until after they'd gone.

  cant say it doesn't hurt, what a punch to the gut.

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  Maddie

  Hi Poppy

  It is so cruel how JW's justify this way of acting as "love". It's about as far away from the agape love the bible speaks of as you can get. Trouble is most of them really believe they are doing the right thing, not that it helps much to know that. I am in the same situation so I my heart goes out to you.

  I hope your family are one day able to see through the WT fog.

  Maddie
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  29

  The Depths They Will Sink To.....

  by sweet pea in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  having almost gotten over my jw ex-best friend telling me she could no longer be my friend, handing me back my spare keys, sending a note and present to my kids with not even a 'dear sam', shunning me in the park, etc, etc she now sacks her immigrant cleaner (who became her cleaner due to my recommendation a year ago) by text message.

  cleaner phones her to check out what's going on and she tells her you can no longer clean for us as you work for sam and my husband wants us to have no connection whatever - you may tell her things about us and we don't want that.

  charming, another kick in the stomach for me and a great witness to the cleaner (who ironically we found out a few months ago has a father who is a witness!).

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  Maddie

  SWEET PEA

  My heart goes out to you having to go through such a horrible thing by someone you loved and trusted for many years. It really hurts!

  Keep your chin up, you have many more friends on here.

  Maddie
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  53

  We Should Give Newbies the Benefit of the Doubt

  by flipper in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  considering what has gone on at this board the last couple months, i thought this would be good to discuss !

  it's true that some here are somewhat jaded and untrusting of others because of the deception pulled by " trevor" and the whole " trevorgate " thing.

  that being said and acknowledged however , think about what makes us not trust others as ex-witnesses.

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  Maddie

  It is a shame that because of posters like Trevor, all newbies are under suspicion. It is also understandable that when people have been deceived and possibly hurt after they have shown love and compassion, they are on their guard against it happening again.

  However, there might be more at stake for JWD if supicion and distrust are allowed to destroy the primary purpose of the forum. JWD is a safe place for all those hurt by the WT, to come together and strenghten and support one another. How the WT would love to see it collapse and not function anymore, that would really be playing into their hands! So let us all stay united and continue to be a big thorn in the side of the WT.

  Maddie
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  7

  It's like creeping through the dark....

  by dawg in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  and finding light... i was alone for 17 years, and even though i never knew anyone felt as i did about the jws, i still knew i was right.... i used to go down the road, cussing at air...how could my family be so fooled?

  i asked the wind.

  now i have you internet people, from all over the world that knew like i did many years ago- the fads are full of shit.

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  Maddie

  I don't care if you're high Dawg - I could do with being high myself!

  True compassion comes from being able to feel what others feel and we do that on JWD. When one of us is in pain, others seem to sense it and are there for us. I know you would like to give your dad a hug and that day may come. In the mean time I am sending you a hug

  Maddie