Maddie your fear is a result of a trauma it isnt a shortcoming , You are free Jws dont firebomb houses or shoot people ( I think so lol!)
Unlearning and unknowing brings peace, The ego wants to maintain center stage and will do so at any cost to you. ie: fear and paranoia
Cults need a lot of work to pull from your mind and ego likes to keep what gives it power over your emotions. Your spirit knows the truth if only you believe what is inside you.
Dont fear maddie you gonna be ok. Look within