some background info: .
in 2006, i was still a jw (jehovah's witness) we were attending a congregation in v town.
i had been going there since we were married, and ben had grew up in that congregation.
Oh Bobbi, What an awful email!! :(
((Hugs)))
Thanks so much for all your support-
I post in an online forum elsewhere...just a journal and I pasted my story from there, which is why it's a different font color. Anyways, even though I have support from others, to talk to others who understand and have been through it as well, really means a lot.
some background info: .
in 2006, i was still a jw (jehovah's witness) we were attending a congregation in v town.
i had been going there since we were married, and ben had grew up in that congregation.
Thanks OTWO,
I'm grateful that my mom has been reasonable and continues to maintain contact with us. I don't want to ruin that and it kills me that I have to just read this letter and put it away and not defend myself.
I did call Kelly last night and left a message saying I was hurt at these accusations and I wondered where she received her facts since I had spoken to no one and that well, if April had no clue I was inactive and you (kelly) had me marked as an Apostate, well then I was confused and hurt and that I hope she can dignify such awful words with some concrete information. I know it was a pointless attempt, but I had to say something.
Going forward though, I have to keep my mouth shut. Right now, it's not a direction I want to go. The most that defending myself is going to get me is df'd and I don't want that right now. Having my mom around for my daughter is very important to me.
this is my first post after many years of reading this site.
i am from the west midlands, england.
i was raised as a jw and got baptised aged 17, started "fading" whilst at university when i started to broaden my outlook and realised that all the so-called "worldly people" i had for so long been encouraged to avoid associating with were actually often open-minded, honest, generous and loyal people.
Hi and welcome
You mentioned how the "worldy" people were open minded, honest, and nice people. That's how I felt about people too and I struggled for the longest time as a JW since I had to find ways to put myself above such amazing people who just happened to have another faith or some who had no faith at all.
It's great to finally wake up from that mindset
some background info: .
in 2006, i was still a jw (jehovah's witness) we were attending a congregation in v town.
i had been going there since we were married, and ben had grew up in that congregation.
OH MY GOD-
Some background info:
in 2006, I was still a JW (Jehovah's Witness) we were attending a congregation in V town. I had been going there since we were married, and Ben had grew up in that congregation. In April 2006, we switched congregations so that we could attend one closer to our home.
We still maintained contact with several of our friends from the old congregation since we had known each other for so long.
in February 2007, Ben and I stopped attending the congregation meetings. We didn't make a big deal about it- we basically stopped going.
Our friends from the old congregation had no clue since they weren't there to not see us attend. So we maintained a level of contact, but less frequent merely because I had just had a baby and the decision to leave the religion was huge for us and we knew at some point we'd lose our friends. Some of our other friends in the old congregation were also having babies, so again, we talked less, but when we did, things were fine- they had no clue of our decision and Ben and I weren't ready to share it.
In September of 2007, we finally decided we shouldn't be skirting the issues especially since we moved to a new town and kept getting "what congregation are you going to attend now?" questions. So I merely mentioned to my friend Rachel that Ben and I weren't going to meetings anymore and that it's not something we were zealous about. Literally, it was a 3 minute phone call. She replied "well you know where I stand" and got off the phone with me. I was a little taken aback. I mean, I expected that at some point we'd fade from these JW friends, but didn't expect them to be so curt and rude. Well, I didn't really make an effort to contact my other friends at the time because between moving and work picking up and my honest desire to avoid rejection again, I let a few months go by. At this time, none of our other JW friends made an effort to contact us as well. I wondered what Rachel told everyone and honestly where she could base her gossip on since I divulged nothing except for my lack of enthusiasm for spending my time going to church.
In December, one of my JW friends, Kelly, was due to give birth and I decided I needed to get over my fear of rejection to enjoy the celebration of the birth of a child. This was a friend of mine for 8 years! Well, I heard she had given birth because someone I barely knew sent me a text. None of my close friends told me. Still, I called her- I wanted to help-bring a meal, give her my gift for her little one, and so on. 2 weeks after she gave brith I called and she couldn't talk long- I chalked it up to her being busy with the baby. She did tell me that she was very stressed out and overwhelmed.
Anyways, I then decided to call Rachel. We had been such good friends that I just never felt right with the way our last conversation ended.
I called and she was pretty nice- of course she told me that she lost all three of my phone numbers which was so weird to me since we used to talk at least once a week, but whatever. I wasn't there to fight- I just knew that our friendship was ending and wanted peace. She was nice and asked me a few questions about what prompted my decision to leave and although I was pretty general for the most part, I told her a few belief issues that really bothered me. She seemed really open-minded and understanding and we got off the phone on a good note. We haven't talked since, but I felt ok about it.
Meanwhile, I wanted to see how my friend Kelly was holding up since she seemed freaked out the last time we spoke. I called her once, left a message and waited two weeks. I know how it is with a new baby, so I wasn't expecting her to just call me back right away. I called again, didn't leave a message and the next week Ben mentioned that he hoped she was OK. I was worried too. I didn't want to pester her, so I called an old friend who is really close to Kelly and who I was pretty close with as well, April.
I called April this past Monday and she seemed speechless when I called. She was so unresponsive and disinterested- didn't even ask how Gianna was doing. I tried making small talk and at some point she asked me what congregation I was in. I asked her whether or not she knew we were going to meetings because from my conversation with Rachel, I understood that most of our social circle and those in the congregation knew we weren't going. She just goes "hmm.. no..." acting completely coy and ignorant. So I just said, "well I assumed that was true since I hadn't heard from anyone and I figured it was because they knew we were inactive. If that's not the case, now I'm wondering why nobody, including you guys haven't contacted us" Yeah, I was a little annoyed with the lie. Anyways, she told me Kelly was doing fine, and so forth. I thanked her and got off the phone. Nothing really major.
So last night: I get this letter in the mail from Kelly-
Basically it says that she heard that I had made it very clear that I don't want to serve God and that not only am I not going to meetings, I've adopted Satan's ways. These are HER words. She goes on to say that the course I've chosen pains her and then quotes this scripture (2 Thess. 2:1-3, then skips down to verses 9-12 ) about apostasy, men of lawlessness and ignorance and then says she has to apply these words to me. And that since it's my choice to go this route, we can no longer maintain contact. And of course she says it's not her fault, but mine for doing this and forcing her to avoid me. She said that she has many tests in this time of the end and that this is one of her tests.
She then has the audacity to say that if I come back, she'll warmly welcome me back as her friend.
WHAT THE F*CK?!
A complete personal attack-
Jesus Christ if you don't want to talk to me can you jsut tell me that our beliefs are different and wish me and my family well?
But to say I've adopted Satans ways, that I'm ignorant, an apostate, etc. is like completely ridiculous.
She "heard" this? i'd like to know from whom? I have not spoken to anyone except Rachel and I'm angry that she would take a personal conversation that we had, pretend to act like she cared, and then go around and slander me?!
I am beyond hurt- and I want to be a level headed, reasonable ex-JW, but I'm so sick of this crap- this attack of my character, this rudeness, this lack of love and compassion-
it's nauseating and I'm so hurt by this-
As much as I expected this, when it happens- it's so disheartening. To think that there's a religion out there with millions of it's members judging their "friends" and ready to drop them like a bad habit based on heresay and gossip.
I spent 10 years with these "friends" and like that, it's gone because of ONE lousy conversation I had that when others heard about it, never bothered to call me to see if what they heard was even true.
I am so glad I do not have to raise my daughter to be this way to people.
hey there.
i'm new to the forums and just had to say hi, and thank you to all of you who've shared your stories which have let me know finally and for sure that i'm not crazy and nowhere near as abnormal as i've been feeling...well, forever, really, but more so over these last few years!!!
i can't tell you what a good feeling that is, but i suspect you already know.
Hello!
last sunday as i sat at the meeting, being bored out of mind, i looked around the hall to try to.
determine why each member was in attendence.
i was there because of family ties.
nothing like learning a new language to excite the JW's into sticking around for a little longer-
nothing like learning a new language to distract you from spending time researching the truth behind this organization when you become bored
anyone who was raised a jw like myself, immediately cringes at the site or sound of this quotation (from 1 cor i believe?).
as a child and especially a teenager, this quote even above others was most rammed down my throat like bad medicine.
it was the end-all, be-all quote to stop any discussion that might lead to any kind of fun or "normal" childhood activity outside of jw's.
So true So true-
Then in an effor to make us feel better, they'd say things like "this could also apply within the congregation too". As if to assure us that JH notices these "double lifers" and will, in his own due time do something about it. Ie; we know what these kids are doing, and there's nothing we can do because their dad is the PO, plus it's only speculation, and we shouldn't gossip or label, but we will label others outside of the organization, so take that information and go home and study about why it's not ok to play the flute after midnight since it attracts demons and stop bothering us with your whining about legitamite issues.
this is probably prompted by the fact that i had a dream about someone last night who we used to be pretty good friends with prior to us leaving the org.
also another couple we used to be friends with gave birth to their first child last month and we'd love to see them.
here's the obvious: .
Thank you so much for the replies and suggestions.
After thinking it over more logically, I'm definitely not going to go. In fact, the same thoughts that many of you brought up were the same as mine.
It's only been a year and my life has improved so much and the friends I have now in my life are my focus, not the old "friends" from the meetings.
Also, like OTWO suggested, since I do talk to my parents who are still JW's, it's our intention right now to not ruffle any feathers or ruin that relationship and if going to a meeting puts on the radar and could possibly stir something up, I'd rather not.
Thanks so much everyone
this is probably prompted by the fact that i had a dream about someone last night who we used to be pretty good friends with prior to us leaving the org.
also another couple we used to be friends with gave birth to their first child last month and we'd love to see them.
here's the obvious: .
This is probably prompted by the fact that I had a dream about someone last night who we used to be pretty good friends with prior to us leaving the org. Also another couple we used to be friends with gave birth to their first child last month and we'd love to see them.
Here's the obvious:
I guess you can say we faded abruptly, not DA'd or DF'd, but treated as if we were. None of our friends make any effort to contact us once they found out we stopped going to meetings. So I know it's stupid of me to want to go to a meeting to see everyone since nobody has made an effort to continue our friendship.
I guess a part of me wants closure perhaps?
I don't know- I just remember how I felt when an inactive person would show up all of a sudden at the meeting or memorial- being the judgemental JW that I was, I knew they just wanted attention. At least that's how I felt and I never did the fake "oh! it's nice to see you show up randomly" thing. I smiled at them, but made no effort at chatting unless they came to a few meetings and "proved" that they were serious about coming back. Yeah I was a snob. :( So I don't want others viewing that about me and there's no way I'm going back for more than one meeting.
I'm just curious about seeing my old friends, their kids, etc.
I also worry that going to a meeting puts us back on the radar and I don't want to be on the radar.
i guess it's about time i write my story.
i've put this off for a long time... primarily becuase, while i thought my story was bad, i've read so many worse and heart-rending stories here.
i think, though, there is some therapeutic value in 'letting it all out' with others who know what 'it' was like.
Wow-
your story rendered me speechless-
((hugs))
