1. I wish I had an unlimited source of money.
2. I wish I were the best looking person in the history of man.
3. I wish I had unlimited power.
That about covers all of the bases.
Dorktacular
JoinedPosts by Dorktacular
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79
You have three wishes
by John Doe inno wishing for more wishes.
no wishing to know what to wish for.
i, the genie, have the authority to grant your wish or not to grant your wish as i so choose.
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13
JW's use Rose colored glasses to see each other.
by The Lone Ranger inhave you ever noticed how jws look at each other through rose coloured glasses.
no jw can do any wrong in the eyes of other jws.
even when its obvious that a jw has done wrong, they are always righteous to other jw"s, as long as a jw gos to meeting and does field service then he must be right with god and therefore must be right in the eyes of others jws.
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Dorktacular
I think JWs can see other JWs doing wrong. Hell, sometimes they reprove or disfellowship somebody just for the hell of it!
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43
HOW CLEAN IS YOUR HOUSE? (fluff test)
by Mary inever see those two british women on tv that go into some slob's home that looks like something out of a stephen king novel?
take their quiz to see if you're a neat-freak, or a sloth-in-waiting: http://www.bbcamerica.com/content/100/quiz.jsp.
here's mine:.
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Dorktacular
You are Gleaming. Congratulations...you've earned your stripes, comrade. Your house is winning the war on terror--against dust mites, staph, E-coli, salmonella, and other vermin who seek to infiltrate your borders. Your Department of Homeland Security is nothing but a well-cleaned mop, a dishwashing sponge you replace biweekly, and some strategic enemy surveillance that prevents terrorist incidents before they occur. A little vigilance is always good for keeping your house protected; making the bed, disinfecting the fridge, organizing your mail, and dusting your book shelves all contribute to a safe zone. But look at us preaching to choir. For tips on how to keep your house from invasion, watch How Clean Is Your House? on Wednesday nights.
Some of the questions are kind of weird but I am a neat freak. Can't tell by looking at my house right now because we just moved, but I did spend about 10 hours on the lawn this weekend. It looks like a golf course. I almost beheaded a new neighbor for letting his dog take a wizz on my beautiful grass. I think I'll walk down the street to his house later and piss on his lawn myself.We don't use sponges to wash dishes. Sponges have way too many germs. We use dish cloths and they are laundered in hot water and bleach after every use.
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Dear FedEx -- please get a GPS navigator!
by Fatfreek infedex: mr. miller can you please give us some directions to get to your house?
me: first, find your way to locust bayou.
fedex: wheres that?
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Dorktacular
It's kind of like when you call the bank or cable company or whatever.... and you get the automated system that makes you enter your account number, phone number, last four digits of your social security number, deposit a semen sample in the phone.... etc... and when a human being answers the phone (finally) they ask you for all of that @#$%%^ again! WHY DO I HAVE TO ENTER IT if nobody is paying attention to it? Just answer the phone to begin with and it wouldn't take so long!
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Dorktacular
Yeah, those are elusive little creatures! I learned how to find them, though. Get a big ass Dodge Ram and drive down the road in the middle of the night with your lights on and horn blaring! They'll come running, often right in front of your vehicle! I hit one on my wife's birthday comming home from dinner. I also learned that a full size pickup truck going about 70 can turn one of those suckers into a fine pink mist! Cost me several thousand dollars in damage, too. Oh well.
The kicker.... Are you ready for this..... you know it's comming...... wait for it..... here it comessssss.....
MY dad said "Well, if you were still a Witness you wouldn't have been out late celebrating a birthday and you wouldn't have hit that deer!"
Can you feeeeeel the love? I know I can!
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Children at the meetings, how did you cope
by Mrs Smith inmy son was about 5 years old when we stopped going to the meetings.
the other day i asked him what he remembers about them (his now 14 years old).
he remembered the puzzles i bought him to play with during the meetings.. he remembered that i packed a sandwich and some juice for him to eat in case he got hungry.. when he got board i use to take him outside for a walk around the kh garden.
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Dorktacular
My little brother and I were masters at communicating with eachother without making noise or talking. Occasionally, something would be soooo funny that one of us would just have to laugh out loud and we'd get in trouble. We were always in trouble with dad because he wanted us to pay attention. But weekly meetings are NOTHING compared to assemblies! I HATED them! 3 days of crap! When we were really young, we lived up north where the summer district conventions were outdoors at Yankee Stadium or Veteran's Stadium in Philadelphia! 8 hours of sun exposure in the hot summer sun in a suit and having to be silent.... hmmmm.... can anybody say TORTURE!!!! I'm really fair-skinned, too so the sunburn was an added painful bonus. I would never make my kid stay outside in the hot summer sun for 8 hours, much less dressed up in a suit! That's gotta qualify as some sort of child abuse. I was releived when we moved to Georgia. At least the assemblies and conventions were indoors and air-conditioned.
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December 21, 2012
by Dorktacular ini just read another one of obves posts.
hilarious.
has anyone ever heard of how several historical calendars end on the date december 21, 2012?
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Dorktacular
I just read another one of OBVES posts. Hilarious. But, seriously. Has anyone ever heard of how several historical calendars end on the date December 21, 2012? The ancient Mayan calendar ends on this date as well as the ancient Jewish calendar and the Chinese I-Ching. (I think I spelled that right). I think maybe the Watchtower should use that as the date for Armageddon. It might get the attention of a few people.
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The perfect fit
by Honesty indoes anyone have any experience in resizing watchtower and awake!
magazines so that they are easy to lay on the floor of bird cages?.
do you premeasure or do you just start cutting away until it looks like it might be a good tight fit?.
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Dorktacular
I use old copies of the Swatchtower and Asleep! to start my fireplace. Those things burn like nobody's business!
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11
A week in review, how would you feel...
by Paralipomenon in...if danny hazard pepper sprayed trevor?
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crazy week, tgif all!
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Dorktacular
Um, I must be missing something, but who is trevor and what happened? I guess I'm a little slow. Somebody send me a message.
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5
Meet my oldest friend
by Fatfreek inwhat's your oldest possession?
meet my friend and oldest personal possession of 48 years.
i bought her briefly after my first wedding when we were struggling to earn a living.
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Dorktacular
I have a comb that I have been using since 1988. The ONLY comb. I won't use another one. I don't know why. This one just works too good. Call me weird if you want.