Posts by cloudblue

19

Lurking Believing JW's - READ then ANSWER

by KW13 in

jw
friends

deuteronomy 18:20-22

20 but a prophet who presumes to speak in my name anything i have not commanded him to say, or a prophet who speaks in the name of other gods, must be put to death.

21 you may say to yourselves, "how can we know when a message has not been spoken by the lord ?

cloudblue

Yea, The Society is not claiming to be a prophet. I've also read the assertion that a fulfilled prophecy is best recognized after it has occurred, i.e. we know now that 1914 was a pivotal year, but before that time it was not exactly clear. I forgot where I read that one.

Even if denying being a prophet, it sure sounds like it to me. If some medium said, "In such and such year, this will happen. You had better prepare for it." It would sure sound like prophecy to me.

24

California Wildfires = The end?

by RollerDave in

jw
friends

i just got a call from my jw mom asking if i was watching the news.. i'm like, "no, what's up?".

i'm imagining something must really be up, like we invaded some more countries or mushroom clouds over american cities, or maybe somebody famous did something horrible in public, or something.. she tells me 'half of california is burning.'.

i'm like "yeah, it's been doing that for a while now.".

cloudblue

Actually, the meeting times for the congregation that I think serves Moorpark on Sunday are 10: 30, 3:30, and 6:30 at night ;) I'm not positive that Hall serves Moorpark though.

I called my Mom to let her know I was Ok, since I'm close to the area, but not evacuated, and she's all, "Fires? I didn't know there were any fires, but I'm glad you're safe honey."

263

Growing up a gay Jehovah's Witness (My Life Story)

by m0nk3y in

i feel the need to express how i feel and felt about my life as a gay man.

i was brought up from birth as a jehovahs witness.

this has played a major part in my life and it has been a real struggle to get past.

cloudblue

OOO thanks baba yaga. I am using firefox, so hopefully that will help. I actually know a little about the baba yaga myth/story. It's a neat Russian Witch that dwells in a house on chicken feet. I think she's usually bad, but I've seen a couple references where she helped people, but mainly people feared her.

re: am I Josh? Nopers. I'm Cloudblue. I'm Aaron, living in Cali. Just had my own story to tell, since alot of what Josh said resonated with me and my own experience.

I remember trying this exercise on my Mom and an elder. I said,"Ok, just try for a minute to imagine if tomorrow new understanding of the Bible showed that you couldn't like the opposite sex anymore, but you had to have attraction to/love/marry the same sex." I would always get blank stares and a mental brick wall, and an answer like,"Jehovah doesn't command that." I would then explain,"I'm just trying to illustrate how hard of a thing it is, that you're asking me to do. You are unable to even fathom trying to be attracted to the same sex, and it's just as hard for me to try to be attracted to the opposite sex."

11

Welcome, Cloudblue

by BFD in

jw
friends

welcome to the forum, cloudblue.. good to have you here.

keep posting.. bfd.

.

cloudblue

Well, thanks for the prayer, and the fellow feeling. I did the same, just relocated to cali, and faded, never DF or DA. My mom and dad are still in the truth. Yes, you can reprint what I wrote, BFD, and hopefully reformat it to look normal, and not just a BIG WALL OF TEXT.

22

Actually sat through a whole meeting for the first time in 6 months

by B_Deserter in

a brother from my old hall was giving the talk so my brother (who lives with me and has no idea how i feel) signed us up for hospitality.

i decided i should at least make an appearance to stave off the storm a little.

man, i can barely stand being there.

cloudblue

I'm so getting flamed for this. Please don't flame me. /beg I went to a meeting last night, and actually enjoyed it. I haven't been in 6 months or so also, and before that at least a year. I moved out to Cali, and don't really have many friends here. I liked hearing the Bible read aloud and everyone coming up to me and saying Hi, who are you? Of course, I can only imagine their reaction if I threw in there, yea, I'm gay, and I had flaming gay sex last night. The meeting itself never bored me, and actually made me laugh through almost the whole thing. Sometimes, I was the only one laughing, but.......

10

JWs aren't the only ones who have to deal with crazy religious beliefs

by B_Deserter in

http://www.sltrib.com/ci_7028546.

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cloudblue

WOW, I really did laugh out loud at that description. So funny.

11

Welcome, Cloudblue

by BFD in

jw
friends

welcome to the forum, cloudblue.. good to have you here.

keep posting.. bfd.

.

cloudblue

Hey ya'll, I'm from Louisiana, near New Orleans, but I moved out to the Los Angeles, CA area about 3.5 years ago. Thanks for the welcome. I thought I had dealt with my cognitive dissonance of being gay and JW back in college, but I guess not. I remember one episode in particular. I was working in a greenhouse, and feeling so depressed. I got really mad, and thought,"I'd rather die than feel like this for the rest of my life." No, I didn't try to kill myself, ;) I did stop going to meetings at that time. But now all that 20+ years of training and indoctrination is creeping up on me again. Aaron

263

Growing up a gay Jehovah's Witness (My Life Story)

by m0nk3y in

i feel the need to express how i feel and felt about my life as a gay man.

i was brought up from birth as a jehovahs witness.

this has played a major part in my life and it has been a real struggle to get past.

cloudblue

Um....sorry about the double post. AND sorry about no paragraphs, I swear I had them when I posted. I feel like a noob.

263

Growing up a gay Jehovah's Witness (My Life Story)

by m0nk3y in

i feel the need to express how i feel and felt about my life as a gay man.

i was brought up from birth as a jehovahs witness.

this has played a major part in my life and it has been a real struggle to get past.

cloudblue

Hey Monkey, I saw you made a post not too long ago. So here's some of my story. I was raised from birth in a JW household. I grew up in the Deep South, Louisiana, just north of New Orleans. I had gay leanings/feelings since I duunno, Kindergarten? From about ages 7 to 9, I was molested by a couple of older brothers at the JW congregation. One was 3? years older and one was 5 or more years older. What you said really resonated with me, b/c I too remember crying night after night, praying to God. I always felt HORRIBLY guilty when I did things with them, but I enjoyed it too. But then a kid should never have to be confronted with the idea of sex even. Well, it pretty much ended when we had a sleep over and I quoted "A man should not lay with another man as with a woman. Pretty much ended, but not all the way, I'd see these same guys with girls, and think to myself, "That chick doesn't even know that they do behind closed doors." and also got jealous of them being with girls. I tried one more time, when i was in 7th grade, age 11, to have some kinda sexual contact with him again actually, which didn't happen and was very uncomfortable and awkward for both of us. But about that time, I had a much increased sexual drive. I guess I was hitting puberty. And crying alot. And discovered masturbation, LOL. I was troubled by the injunction against masturbation, but only somewhat, and minorly. Mainly, being gay has troubled me from when I was 7 or 8 to today, and I'm 28. Let's see if I can come up with a short hand chronology. age 15 Came out to a few people at school, and someone outed me to my Mom. Cried about it, turned to pot, acid, alcohol had a couple sexual experiences 16 went to a "gifted" school (Hehe, I'm smart.) Got kicked out for pot :( 16.5 back home and Mom says I have to go to meetings and its ok I'm gay but can't act on the feelings, so I'm a good JW for a year or so, and then 17 go to college!!! had a tryst or two over the summer but buckle down in college and start this damned cycle I've been going through since of being a good JW and trying to date girls (which I don't think has ever happened really come to think of it), be attracted to girls, and not be attracted to or act on attraction to guys. 21 get baptized and auxilliary pioneer 22 Shuck off JW for going out to clubs, while dating guys some and keeping straight A's at school!!! 23 graduate college (I'm a nurse.) have a one year relationship with a guy and move in together. 24 Relationship ends,...just before I bought a house with him. Move out to California. Go to a couple meetings a year, and mostly ignore all my JW teaching. This is where I'm at now. But it's kinda always in the back of my head, this wicked strong dichotomy, wanting to love men, but also wanting to serve god and live forever. Every once in a while it wells up within me. Ive been dating for 2.5 years now, a pretty cool dude. But I broke it off with him, to go to meetings, but then went back to him. Then broke it off, and started dating again. Met another cool guy, and we had a very spiritual conversation, and I spouted off a bunch off JW stuff to him, and it got me feeling guilty again, and I couldn't sleep all night. So, I canceled my date for the next day, and for the next Sunday, and went to a meeting. And it felt great, I know all the JW stuff so thoroughly, and the people are nice. But...I'm kinda tired of going to meetings for a year or two, and giving up b/c I can't fight all my gay feelings. Then giving up on my friends, boyfriend, life, etc. after another year or two, when the massive guilt wells up in me again. Really not even guilt so much as fear. I fear death. I want to live forever. And I fear if I'm happy, in a relationship with a man, that I won't live forever. And that scares me so deeply. I feel my blood run cold. My b/f said, "I love that this religion gives you something to hope for, and all the good things about it. But I hate that it makes you feel like this. " So, that's where I've been. Where I'm at. I'm honestly a pretty well-adjusted, charming, funny, handsome man. ;) I just can't resolve these 2 strong forces within me. I room with a psych student, and actually I'm a psych nurse, and I told him," I just want to split myself down the middle and become 2 people, the gay guy, and the good JW." So, I don't know exactly what I'm wanting or hoping for. I'm just frustrated and sick of switching lives, it feels like, every couple years. And sick of thinking yea, I'm gay, and I sincerely believe in the Bible's teachings, and that God won't reward me with everlasting life.

263

Growing up a gay Jehovah's Witness (My Life Story)

by m0nk3y in

i feel the need to express how i feel and felt about my life as a gay man.

i was brought up from birth as a jehovahs witness.

this has played a major part in my life and it has been a real struggle to get past.