BlackWolf

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Posts by BlackWolf

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  27

  Angry and scared

  by BlackWolf in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i feel like everything that comes out of my mothers mouth is something negative and cringe worthy.

  all she seems to talk about with me is how terrible and demonic our disfellowshipped relatives are, how horrible the world and holidays are, or how she is so much better and "holier than thou".

  it really makes me sick sometimes.

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  BlackWolf

  I feel like everything that comes out of my mothers mouth is something negative and cringe worthy. All she seems to talk about with me is how terrible and demonic our disfellowshipped relatives are, how horrible the world and holidays are, or how she is so much better and "holier than thou". It really makes me sick sometimes. I Know she is just trying to scare me into wanting to get baptized. She's been doing it all the time lately, she asks me almost everyday if I want to get baptized and my answer is always that I don't know. I wish I had more courage to speak up and tell her how I really feel, but I'm terrified. I don't want my parents to treat me like I'm a bad person. The last times I've tried to talk about my doubts didn't end well. But at the same time the thought of having to stay in this religion for the rest of my life makes me feel like taking a knife to my throat. My mom always says that life is only worse out in the "world", but I know that can't be true. I will be 18 next year and I'm so scared about the decision I'm going to have to make. I have no friends or family that I'm close to, I have nobody. I can't seem to find a job to save up money either, so I don't really know what to do. Thanks for reading this, sometimes I just need to get things out of my system. Any advice would be appreciated.
  
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  55

  Let's Be Honest - You or One of Your Ancestors Was an Idiot

  by Simon in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  why were we ever a jw?

  were we mad?

  we must have been .... well, my excuse is that i knew nothing else.

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  BlackWolf

  I'm a born in, though I don't consider my parents to be "idiots" necessarily. My dad was born in, and doesn't know anything else. My mom converted when she was a teen after her mom started studying. They were both abused as children and I can understand their need for hope. Neither have much for an education, though I don't think they are unintelligent. They have just been manipulated by their own fear clinging to the one thing that feels safe and familiar, the cult. They are very judgemental of everything and everyone and downright cruel at times, but I forgive them anyways. Brainwashing does that sort of thing to people I guess.

  As for me, I never really believed. It was just something forced on me. There were many times where I felt terrified of Jehovah and Armageddon, but I never felt like I loved god or had any kind of "relationship" with him. So I wouldn't consider myself an idiot either since I never really fell for anything.
  
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  27

  Which Org 'directives' did you blatantly ignore

  by Tallon in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  i remember that we were always encouraged to let everyone at work know that you were one of jw's and therefore would not participate in any of their functions, parties etc.. this i outrightly refused to do.

  my reasoning was that i was employed and paid to do a job and therefore my religious beliefs were a personal matter and therefore had nothing to do with my work.

  secondly i had to work with these people.

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  BlackWolf

  Eating holiday candy and birthday cake, saluting the flag at school, lying about being a jw, watched rated r movies, watched twilight with a worldly girl, read a few erotic novels, masturbated, cussed, listened to music with cuss words, read about magic and did a few wiccan spells, read many books about vampires, werewolves, and wizards, dissobeyed my parents, and i hardly ever read the watchtower or awake. Jeez am I worldly or what?! Lol
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  39

  New Video Series On Courtship May Open Some Eyes

  by JW_Rogue in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  so the wife was watching the latest installment of jw broadcasting and near the end there was a new segment on dating and courtship.

  it starts at about the 39 minute mark:.

  https://youtu.be/vuir-azsdm0?t=38m52s.

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  BlackWolf

  This woman was too selfish and immature to marry a decent guy, he deserves better. She's an embarrassment to jw women everywhere. A lot of guys like sports and cars, his life doesn't revolve around you all the time. This was a pain to watch and unrealistic, along with every other jw video ever made.
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  22

  Feeling very lonely

  by BlackWolf in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  the past few months i've been feeling really depressed and kind of hopeless.

  the few people that actually were a little bit friendly to me at the hall recently moved away, and i'm feeling like more of an outcast than i already was.

  every meeting i just stand by myself by the wall and nobody cares, i feel really lonely and unloved.

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  BlackWolf

  I appreciate everyone's advice. I usually try to stay positive and pretend to be happy, but sometimes it really gets to me. A few weeks ago I tried to talk to my dad about how I didn't have any friends and he completely freaked out about it and started hitting himself. I wasn't trying to blame him or anything, but I guess he took it that way. My mom told me never to talk about it again. I'm pretty sure he's a little mentally unstable, and it scares me sometimes.

  I know everyone isn't out to get me, it's really just a few people that have treated me badly and spread some false rumors. I try to be a nice person and I'm never mean back, and i'm sure some of the other teens feel the same way as me. I guess the stress of jw life can just bring out the worst in people sometimes.

  I live in the panhandle, so I don't think the storm will hit here, at least I hope :)
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  22

  Feeling very lonely

  by BlackWolf in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  the past few months i've been feeling really depressed and kind of hopeless.

  the few people that actually were a little bit friendly to me at the hall recently moved away, and i'm feeling like more of an outcast than i already was.

  every meeting i just stand by myself by the wall and nobody cares, i feel really lonely and unloved.

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  BlackWolf

  The past few months I've been feeling really depressed and kind of hopeless. The few people that actually were a little bit friendly to me at the hall recently moved away, and I'm feeling like more of an outcast than I already was. Every meeting I just stand by myself by the wall and nobody cares, I feel really lonely and unloved. :( Idk why people treat me this way because I didn't even do anything wrong.

  Anyways I've just been feeling pretty low and I haven't felt motivated to do much schoolwork or anything. I don't even ride horses anymore because the trainer at the barn I went to was really mean and bitchy towards me. I feel like everyone hates me for some reason and that I can't escape. I wish I knew how I could get out of my predicament but it feels meaningless because once my family starts shunning me I will feel even more lonely. Sorry if I sound whiney I just have no one else to talk to.

  Also the reason I haven't been too active on here is because I'm afraid of my parents finding out. I overheard my dad threatening to my brothers that he could see what they do on the internet through the router? It scared me at first but he obviously hasn't since he would know that I've been on sites like this. Can he really see the sites that I visit that easily?
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  12

  Bunker elder Meme

  by aintenoughwiskey in

  1. social
  2. humour

  i noticed this on reddit.

  they shouldn't have all the fun.

  ill get it started.

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  BlackWolf

  Lol I always thought that guy looked like a total asshole.
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  70

  2016 annual meeting

  by obarac in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  just a few minutes till the start ..... we hope for a news from absalom and wifibandit very soon.. wifibandit, any tread on reddit for am?.

  also there were some info about live stream.

  any news about that..

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  BlackWolf

  It seems like they've changed all the songs in some way, not just the lyrics to fit "new light" but the music too. But I doubt it will sound any better, their music sucks. I heard that they'll be really fancy and have that shiny paper edging like the Bibles. I'm gonna make sure to order a few and use up their precious funds.
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  3

  Perfectionism

  by lriddle80 in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  do any of you suffer from perfectionism?

  i do and it may be the message that jw's put out there.

  growing up in that religion, it's all about doing more, field service, meeting attendance, study, conventions, etc.

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  BlackWolf

  Ive felt the same way sometimes, like nothing I do will ever be good enough for god or my parents. I also have an eating disorder that I struggle with sometimes. But it helps me to go on sites like this that remind me that jws are wrong and that I don't have to be perfect anymore
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  33

  Two Brothers Living Together - Never Dated Girls...

  by pale.emperor in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  in my old congregation there are two brothers (non related) who are in the early 30s.

  they've never dated girls.

  they're "best friends".

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  BlackWolf

  At a Cong I used to go to, there was an elder and a ministerial servant that lived together, and seemed very close. I thought they were obviously gay, my mom did too, but I guess nobody dared to question.