I have made the choice to stick to my guns.
I feel this is a conversation I should have with her in person, instead of phone or e-mail, what is the opinion on this from you guys? I figure if we can talk in person, I can look into her eyes and she will know I will not budge, and I can also read her eyes, to try and decode what she is really feeling. That and she cannot hang up on me, or block my e-mails, I want the chance to say everything I want to say without being walked away from.
Posts by -Tank
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-Tank
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-Tank
Thank you for all your replies ladies and gentleman.
I do not even really feel bad about this, this time. I offered to compromise a great deal.
I offered to:
Move.
Find a different job.
Read with her.
Help her study.
Not question her beliefs.
Not ever make her feel guilt.
Just be a loving partner.
Evidently this is not good enough. I told her the other night, you ask me to give up so much, but yet, you feel you should not have to give up anything in YOUR life, while I give up just about everything in mine. She said if she was to make any kind of compromise to her life, it would be her giving things up, but she just couldn't explain it, "it just would be"
I truly believe if both people are willing to compromise, it is not giving up anything. Compromising is not giving up on anything. You make choices to help each other out, and that in turn helps yourself out, and in the end, it can work out. I believe ANYTHING...ANYTHING, can work, if you have two people, who are willing to compromise, you can make anything work.
Seems to me her biggest fear is, she would get in trouble from her congregation for having a "worldly" man, and that she would then lose the privilege of being able to go door to door. She would also never hear the end of it from her congregation for being in a relationship with a worldly man. Once a JW is married, if it is to a non JW, do they actually encourage you to divorce that person?? I have not heard of THAT, but I have heard they are pretty strongly against it, and try with the guilt trip all the time.
How do you tell a human being "OK, you can only fall in love with certain people, and if it just so happens to be that you do the human thing and fall in love with another human who is not in our religion, to bad, so sad, spend your life lonely and without them"
I do realize, me coming back, and asking for help once again, makes me look like a fool. I understand that. I know everyone here must be thinking "why doesn't this guy just leave already, there is so many other woman out there, why is he letting himself get kicked around like this?"
I need to say for my own dignity, that when we are together, or talking on the phone or whatever, and religion is not part of it, it is absolutely incredible, just a awesome relationship. I can't even find the best words to describe it, but when she is not trying to pressure me into converting, it is the best feeling I ever get in the world, and I am not ever happier than I am in those moments. That is just something I want you guys to know, so that you understand my motive here. If I give up this woman, I give up on love, and ever having love in my life again, she is just amazing.
At the same time, I have to stick to MY OWN guns as well. I will continue to offer my compromises, but beyond that point, I just do not think I could do anything else (become a baptized door to door JW) -
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-Tank
Some of you know me, I used to frequent this forum, and I fell in love with a very dedicated Jehovah's Witness. I will not bother to type that whole story out again as it is already in this forum.
This one I fell in love with, came to me recently and told me, basically more or less, that if anything is to ever become of our love for each other, I need to become interested in this religion, to at the very least, be able to share it with her and relate to things about it with her. She wants me to at least try 1 or 2 meetings, to see first if it is something I would like to do.
I offered to read the bible with her, help her study, I told her I would not ever try to take it away from her, and I would not as that is part of who she is, but yet she still insists that simply is not enough. Am I not bending over backwards here already? I think what I offered is a pretty good thing, considering most people would not even bother to do that.
I feel as if I am being told to choose if I want to live life or not. I like where I live, I like my job, I am happy with things in general except for I can't be with this woman. I love this woman with all of my heart and nothing else has ever even come close, and it is very passionate and really just, true love is all I can describe it as. I want to be with her, but taking on a religion I honestly do not want to be a big part of, is something I am unsure of. I fear that, even if I can do it at first, that I will only be able to stand it for a short while, and then everything will just turn ugly, and I would've been better off to leave quietly in the first place.
I know already if it is not this woman, it is no other woman, I know I know, a lot of people tell me that is just not the case and there is many fish in the sea, but I honestly can't let go of this woman after 4 years. So to me, this is not so much choosing between religion, or no religion, it is almost like choosing between, lonely, sad and resentful for the rest of my life, or, the ultimate goal, of being with this woman i love so much for the rest of my life, because I really DO want to spend the rest of my life with her. Even if SHE is a witness, I do not care, I just wish I did not have to be one too.
What do I do here people? I came back once again looking for help, but I feel and fear that once again, I know the answer deep down inside of me and it is the answer I do not like. Trying to figure out a way to be with her where she is satisfied and I do not have to become a Witness is the next impossible thing.
I have thought before that ok, maybe I could stand it, do 1 or MAYBE 2 meetings a week, and just go along with the whole thing. I mean honestly, going somewhere once a week, for an hour or 2 or whatever, and reading the bible, I can handle that ok. What I am afraid of, is I will be pressured and pressured to do more, and more, and become more involved, and that she will not be happy with my status of involvement until I am marching door to door with the rest of them, which is something I would not ever do, just could not.
I am trying to compromise but I see there is none with her in this situation. How do I walk away from the love of my life, and before you guys take the time to try and help me (if you even will, and if so, I do appreciate it) how can you tell me to walk away from the love of my life? It is not that easy, there is no other woman out there like here, there never will be.
*deep sigh*....help. -
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-Tank
See below post, edited for paragraphs.
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love, ideally
by SPAZnik inshow me that you love me.
show me that you know how little it is we all really know about love.
show me how to love you.
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-Tank
just kidding geeze lol.
So was this post a random topic or ARE you actually searching for that special somebody? -
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love, ideally
by SPAZnik inshow me that you love me.
show me that you know how little it is we all really know about love.
show me how to love you.
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-Tank
Whoa...that WAS pretty intense haha, never read anything like that before.
You really want love that badly eh?? Notice she said she is looking for love, not a man, hahaha. -
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Can I (a Christian) go out with a jw?
by asdf44 inok, this is burning me up inside.
i really like this girl i work with.
she's a few years older than me, but we get along great.
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-Tank
Hello again. I should have said that better, find a woman who is not a JW. I got so frustrated thinking about my situation my bitterness took over my keyboard haha.
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Can I (a Christian) go out with a jw?
by asdf44 inok, this is burning me up inside.
i really like this girl i work with.
she's a few years older than me, but we get along great.
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-Tank
Even if you are a Christian, you could be as hardcore as you want to be, as long as you are not a Jehovah witness, you will not be accepted. Anything other then there own religion, is completely and totally 100% irrelevant.
Save yourself the pain, the trouble, the agony. I wish I would have had this board before I approached a situation similar to yours, I will tell you this, it did not work out, and now I am alone.
I know you came here looking for positive answers and hope, but I cannot honestly tell you to go face the same situation countless others here have faced, knowing the outcome will be horrid. We tell you the cold hard negative truth because it could save you from having to learn the hard way.
In my opinion, it is very hard, but just pick up and go on with life. Find a woman that is not religious. -
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How long do you stay in love?
by Thegoodgirl ini have a question:.
how long do you stay in love?
for those of you who are married, are you together "just for the kids"?
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-Tank
As was once stated, I am encouraged and shown a small glimmer of hope from this thread, but also depressed and feel as if the guiding light to love has been burnt out.
I am young yet, only 20, so I guess I cannot say much. If I had to say the number of times I actually did honestly feel in love, I would say 2 times, one stronger then the other. The stronger was the most recent one, I am still not over it, and I still wonder everyday if I will ever in my lifetime be able to pick myself up and move on from this woman, this was an incredible love. I do expect some people to say I am to young to know what love is, but trust me, it was exactly that, love.
Longing for someone you know you will not ever have, plus the loneliness of the road to boot, is a deadly combination!
Congrats on the 59th celebration! You are another example of hope that I will keep with me. -
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she's just a friend
by daytona27 ini was married a long time, divorced and alone for the last couple of years.
i consider myself content.
i've come to terms with being alone and the prospect that i may not be with someone for a good while.
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-Tank
As was said, Tell her how you feel, what have you got to lose? If it goes good, great! If it does not, your moving anyways.