My goodness, this is a hard post for me to write - Miss Big Mouth - front and center.....but I can't let this go by without expressing my own thoughts which do mirror some of the other posters. I truly have been thinking of this thread since last night......so, understand that I am coming to you out of love.....
so, here it goes..........
MY GOD, MAN! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!?!
OK, now that I have that out of the way, let me proceed.... and please read with an open heart..... even after my outburst, PLEASE!
I know you love your family deeply. I understand that. Most all of us have been in the same situation. Choices to make, our own sanity and happiness verses making those around us happy. If we all where to foresake our own happiness and sanity for others, we all would be sitting in the Kingdom Hall to this day. We made BIG choices that isolated most of us from our familes FOREVER. These choices were not made on a whim - they were made for our own survival, mentally. It is not an easy journey. How can it be? I lost MY ENTIRE FAMILY for years. I had nothing left after my personal decision to run from the "truth". NO family, NO friends - nothing, totally alone in this world. I tell you this, because I get the feeling you think we don't understand your position.
You are going to a therapist for a reason - that reason is your own business and none of mine. But, I would like you to ask yourself WHY are you going there? are you trying to repair YEARS AND YEARS of brainwashing and guilt that has been laid on your "only human" shoulders? Once you answer the WHY you are in therapy to overcome what mental difficulties you are having - then you need to ask yourself this: What roll did the JW and the KH play in my personal problems today that I feel the need to get mental health help with? Once you answer those questions, then you are in a better place to view if the KH is really a place you should be.
Now, I need to mirror some others here because the same thoughts crossed my mind.
1) Those "friends" you want to see are not truly your friends. They are only your friends if you BELIEVE. Once your true self "comes out" to them, you will be dropped like a hot potato. Do yourself a favor and accept the fact, that, yes, they are good people, and remember them in that light but do not expect them to continue to be the people you thought they were. Move on before you get REALLY hurt. Protect yourself.
2) When the congregation sees the seats filled, it continues to feed their belief that they are in the "truth". They do not see what is in your heart and they assume that you are there because you still believe. I could not in good conscience, especially now that the light has shown on their protection of the most vile and disgusting humans to walk the earth - child molesters - sit there and fill the seats. You are in essence supporting them and those practices. I, for one, will never walk into a KH again, not for a funeral, a wedding, a memorial or any other reason. Thus, meaning, I will miss my own mother's funeral when her time comes. This is not a decision I take lightly or easily.
Please, I do not want to add to your guilt. I am afraid that my comments are doing just that. I just want to give you food for thought and ultimately, you need to make your own decision. But, remember, this is FAR MORE that spending time with your wife, you can do that any other time you want, this is an excuse. Once you come to terms with that, I know you will make the right decision FOR YOU.
I wish you the very best, no matter what you do. Please continue to come here and do not feel that I will judge you. We have all walked this path and we all know how very difficult and rocky that path is. And remember, one final thought, you have to love people for WHO they are, you should never hold on to hope that you can CHANGE someone. You need to continue in this marriage, knowing FULL WELL, that your wife may NEVER leave the "faith". Can you accpet that? If you can, then you will start to heal.
In love and peace and kindness,
Gringa.
