The problem is, I can never actually say freely and outrightly who I am without totally losing her... And that is something in general getting harder and harder to bare...
Posts by cognac
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13My sister....
by cognac inshe knows when i am lying.
she knows when i am keeping a secret.
she has this really weird way of reading my mind sometimes.
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13
My sister....
by cognac inshe knows when i am lying.
she knows when i am keeping a secret.
she has this really weird way of reading my mind sometimes.
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cognac
Thank you. I just wish she wouldn't make those comments. Even though they are seldem... The pain it brings me sucks...
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13
My sister....
by cognac inshe knows when i am lying.
she knows when i am keeping a secret.
she has this really weird way of reading my mind sometimes.
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cognac
She knows when I am lying. She knows when I am keeping a secret. She has this really weird way of reading my mind sometimes. We once went to this JW party. At the party they had this game where you were given a secret word and you could only say a one word clue to the other person and they were supposed to guess what the secret word was. The person who had to give the least amount of clues won.
My secret word was pillar. So, I was thinking Sampson cause he had to push all those pillars down. But, I got mixed up and gave my first clue as "Solomon". She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "pillar". Everyone thought we cheated but there was no way we could have.
She just reads me like no other person can. Both children I was pregnant with she knew I was pregnant before I told her. There were no clues and I never even told her I was trying. I don't know how she does it, but she does.
I love her dearly. She knows where I stand and doesn't say a word about it and I know that takes great courage. She is one of the most loving, selfless persons I have ever met.
But, her comments, even though out of love, completely break my heart sometimes and there is nothing I can do but listen...
Sometimes hearing about how bad apostates are is completely heartbreaking. And I know she is not trying to teach me anything by saying it, I know she is not trying to hurt me in any way. I know she just tells herself that I "think a lot" and "have a lot of questions and opinions" and tries to convince herself on some level that I'm not actually an apostate. But, I know deep inside she knows what I am.
And as close as we are, as much as we love eachother, this pains me more then anything...
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16
Hubby found out about me celebrating my kids birthday...
by cognac intold on me of course.
apparently, the other jw thought he was kidding.. i just said, you tell on me and take my family from me, we are done.
we will get a divorce and you will lose me, your home, and more then likely won't get to see your kids everyday the way you get to now.
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cognac
It's just a matter of time now before I lose my mom, dad, sisters and brothers. I feel sick about it. But, I made a promise to myself I would really start celebrating everything when my oldest turns 4 cause that is the age they remember things as they get older. I kept true to that starting with the day she turned 4. Even did my version of Easter.
But, doesn't stop me from feeling sad about feeling like its only a matter of time before I get excommunicated... :(
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16
Hubby found out about me celebrating my kids birthday...
by cognac intold on me of course.
apparently, the other jw thought he was kidding.. i just said, you tell on me and take my family from me, we are done.
we will get a divorce and you will lose me, your home, and more then likely won't get to see your kids everyday the way you get to now.
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cognac
Told on me of course. Apparently, the other JW thought he was kidding.
I just said, you tell on me and take my family from me, we are done. We will get a divorce and you will lose me, your home, and more then likely won't get to see your kids everyday the way you get to now. And, you rat me out, I will do the same thing to you.
I'm not going to live my life scared of what he might do. He wants to corner me??? Fine, good-bye then. See you later. I will not be stuck and am fine on my own.
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23
I celebrated my daughters birthday for the first time...
by cognac init was so nerve racking!
it wasn't anything big, but its all she ever talks about in front of all my family!!!
i mean, she talks about it almost every single frigging day.
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cognac
I have no clue, I've never celebrated it myself so I thought it would be nice but not this big of a deal...
I will take him too. Not sure how long our marriage will last but he will be around our kids all the time.
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23
I celebrated my daughters birthday for the first time...
by cognac init was so nerve racking!
it wasn't anything big, but its all she ever talks about in front of all my family!!!
i mean, she talks about it almost every single frigging day.
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cognac
I really didn't think it would be this big of a deal to her. I'm a little bit shocked by it...
It's also forcing the JW issues which I was hoping to avoid as long as possible...
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23
I celebrated my daughters birthday for the first time...
by cognac init was so nerve racking!
it wasn't anything big, but its all she ever talks about in front of all my family!!!
i mean, she talks about it almost every single frigging day.
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cognac
She is outting me to my JW family. So, I feel like they are going to soon shun me so there will be nothing keeping me here anymore. Looking for a house in a different state.
She is four.
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23
I celebrated my daughters birthday for the first time...
by cognac init was so nerve racking!
it wasn't anything big, but its all she ever talks about in front of all my family!!!
i mean, she talks about it almost every single frigging day.
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cognac
It was so nerve racking! It wasn't anything big, but its ALL SHE EVER TALKS ABOUT in front of ALL my family!!! I mean, she talks about it almost every single frigging day. I didn't know it would be this big of a deal...
My mom tried to tell her we don't celebrate birthdays and my daughter just completely ignores her and goes on and on and on all about how great they are! Every single toy she sees is a "birthday present". We had a cake for my brothers anniversary and she announced that it was a birthday cake and tried to blow out the candles that weren't there. I said to my mom not to make a big deal of it because she will just feed into her excitement about it and she completely backed down.
But, this gig is up for me pretty soon. I'm not going to not celebrate it and I won't allow anyone to teach her its wrong. I'm done. Literally looking for a new home...
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60
My husband deleted me as a friend on FaceBook
by cognac inafter this whole thing with him talking to this other girl on fb, now he deleted me as a friend.
i have his username and password.
it's like, he doesn't want this marriage to work at all.. i don't even have it in me to argue with him.
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cognac
"Look Cognac, I know you don't "want" a divorce and it sounds like some of us are pushing for that. We just see the writing on the wall and you can't or won't because of your emotional attachement and closeness to the situation which is perfectly understanable.
You sound like a really nice lady, but before you get sucked into this vortex of hurt and pain realize and accept one fact:
You nor I can control anyone else.
That means either, he is or he isn't sleeping with or in love with this other woman.
He either will or won't sit down like a man and talk to you about the issues in your marriage."
The problem has to be with me. He must be just reacting to what I'm doing wrong. I can't act like I'm innocent in all this. I just must not be an easy person to deal with...