I opened up to several elders, including a visiting C.O. who was at my home for a "shepherding call" (cough), about my doubts. Specifically, I was conflicted about the nature of the preaching work. How could it be that our efforts mattered -- that is, that some would live or not depending on how well we spoke to them -- if God was fair, so as to make sure that everyone got the witness they needed?
In other words: Is God just, or does my preaching matter?
They were, to a man, frightened by this question. They had no answers, and they knew it.
I shifted from "question phase" to "exit phase" about the time I moved to another congregation's territory. I probably would have been called before a committee soon had I not moved.
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Chip Salzenberg: Free-Floating Agent of Chaos