That's a good point Happy Guy... I guess there are a lot of serious questions underlying this incident :(
MisfitMeL
JoinedPosts by MisfitMeL
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15
Need your feedback please! Relationship question.
by MisfitMeL inok i'm not sure where to put this thread, but seeing as this section is the one that is most frequented by members, i hope to get some feedback asap.. i am a person that has issues with depression and fairly recently i have started paying a bit of attention to my 'mood swings' and have noticed a sort of high in addition to my lows.
this has made me a little worried that i might have some mild form of bpd.... but then i do tend to worry over nothing!.
i do not have therapy because i currently cannot afford it.
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15
Need your feedback please! Relationship question.
by MisfitMeL inok i'm not sure where to put this thread, but seeing as this section is the one that is most frequented by members, i hope to get some feedback asap.. i am a person that has issues with depression and fairly recently i have started paying a bit of attention to my 'mood swings' and have noticed a sort of high in addition to my lows.
this has made me a little worried that i might have some mild form of bpd.... but then i do tend to worry over nothing!.
i do not have therapy because i currently cannot afford it.
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MisfitMeL
@ On the way out : I think you are right in that he must be worried about being 'responsible' for me since certain things that he said sounded quite along those lines. I don't think I can currently afford counselling as I am looking for work but I have not felt suicidal for about 3 years now. I also have a small network of friends, and sites like this that I regularly go to, and the encouragement and positive reinforcement from friends and concerned ones gives me the motivation to keep myself going even though I do have setbacks.
@ sacolton : We have been together for over 2.5 years in the UK, but I had to move away for personal reasons but the plan is for us to be together in the near future and this is just a temporary thing.
@ yknot : Yes I took the abruptness as very hurtful and worrying as I thought he would be a bit more supportive. I mean he has been in the past when I have been a bit down etc, but maybe such a major revelation scares him. I am hoping that my lengthy email will clear up any misunderstandings in our conversation and we can come to some sort of mature discussion and compromise. I do have to really push myself to be out and about when I am low, but I have been talking to friends and will make an effort to meet up a pal for lunch tomorrow etc. Thanks for the hugs btw! :D
@ PSacramento : You are right, no one can be our crutch and our happiness shouldn't be defined by other people. It's very hard to remember that when you are feeling really low but I try to remind myself of that and it's good to hear/read it from other people too!
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Need your feedback please! Relationship question.
by MisfitMeL inok i'm not sure where to put this thread, but seeing as this section is the one that is most frequented by members, i hope to get some feedback asap.. i am a person that has issues with depression and fairly recently i have started paying a bit of attention to my 'mood swings' and have noticed a sort of high in addition to my lows.
this has made me a little worried that i might have some mild form of bpd.... but then i do tend to worry over nothing!.
i do not have therapy because i currently cannot afford it.
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MisfitMeL
Thank you Diana.
I'm not in the UK anymore. I am in India now. So there are no such facilities here. I can't seem to change my location on this forum.
It would be strange if he was the one having issues with committment as it was him that brought up marriage not me! You're right, I have said what I had to say and now I just need to sit tight and see what happens.
It's making me very fidgety though. I think I will attempt to go out somewhere tomorrow to clear my mind....
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Need your feedback please! Relationship question.
by MisfitMeL inok i'm not sure where to put this thread, but seeing as this section is the one that is most frequented by members, i hope to get some feedback asap.. i am a person that has issues with depression and fairly recently i have started paying a bit of attention to my 'mood swings' and have noticed a sort of high in addition to my lows.
this has made me a little worried that i might have some mild form of bpd.... but then i do tend to worry over nothing!.
i do not have therapy because i currently cannot afford it.
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MisfitMeL
Thanks for the encouraging words VoidEater.
I have mentioned all of this in my email to him and I hope he will not be rash and cares about me and our relationship enough to see some future in this. I'm sure there are far worse things that could be done to drive a wedge between a couple.
I didn't quite think my honesty would get such a reaction, but you are right, that could be one of his flaws too and I may have to learn to deal with that. I have been wanting to talk things through with someone but I have recently moved to a new country and am separated geographically and time wise from my usual support group. I have a lot of other things going on and I really don't want this additional stress. But like you said, I should seek help from friends etc to help me through this. It's trying though since I am sort of on my own in an unfamiliar country and that makes it easy to get broody and down.
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15
Need your feedback please! Relationship question.
by MisfitMeL inok i'm not sure where to put this thread, but seeing as this section is the one that is most frequented by members, i hope to get some feedback asap.. i am a person that has issues with depression and fairly recently i have started paying a bit of attention to my 'mood swings' and have noticed a sort of high in addition to my lows.
this has made me a little worried that i might have some mild form of bpd.... but then i do tend to worry over nothing!.
i do not have therapy because i currently cannot afford it.
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MisfitMeL
I have so much else on my plate at the mo and something of this magnitude is going to take a lot out of me
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15
Need your feedback please! Relationship question.
by MisfitMeL inok i'm not sure where to put this thread, but seeing as this section is the one that is most frequented by members, i hope to get some feedback asap.. i am a person that has issues with depression and fairly recently i have started paying a bit of attention to my 'mood swings' and have noticed a sort of high in addition to my lows.
this has made me a little worried that i might have some mild form of bpd.... but then i do tend to worry over nothing!.
i do not have therapy because i currently cannot afford it.
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MisfitMeL
Ok I'm not sure where to put this thread, but seeing as this section is the one that is most frequented by members, I hope to get some feedback asap.
I am a person that has issues with depression and fairly recently I have started paying a bit of attention to my 'mood swings' and have noticed a sort of high in addition to my lows. This has made me a little worried that I might have some mild form of BPD.... but then I do tend to worry over nothing!
I do not have therapy because I currently cannot afford it. However, my entire adult life so far has been devoted to self help, understanding and healing and I think I have come quite a way compared to what I used to be before.
I used to think about suicide, but ever since I started working on myself and I met my boyfriend etc. I have not had those thoughts of utter despair and hopelessness.
Was chatting to the bf last night (we are currently in different countries) and I mentioned about starting a sort of 'mood log' to see if there were any patterns in my ups and downs. This led to more conversation about my past, present and I happened to mention my past feelings of suicide.
I've been in a bit of a down mood lately, and I think my choice of wording over a certain matter made it seem to him that if something serious took place between us or something, I would quite likely harm myself or if a major crisis happened, I would just 'fold' and look for an 'easy way out' unlike dealing with it like others. Which is just not true...
Anyway he freaked out and logged off... And I was very hurt and upset and cried most of the night coz he thinks I 'pretend to be happy' around him, which I don't. I have struggled to get to where I am today and I genuinely enjoy being with him despite my condition. He worries that I'm only happy for now and that once the shine about him wears off, I'll go back to being my old self, which I don't think is true either. I am old and wise enough through experience to know that my happiness doesn't depend on someone else providing it to me.
So I got an email from him saying he isn't so sure about us anymore and he feels like everything we have had has been fake. Which is not true! but it is a difficult aspect of myself and it took me a lot of trust and comfort to tell him all this and I was probably being naive to think he would be a tad more understanding!! And he is not happy with an uncertain future if I am not stable or strong enough to get through life. He doesn't want to build a future with someone who is on a knife edge so to speak.
I replied with a much longer email explaining everything in much more detail about my past and my present and the ongoing recovery and I think I explained myself fairly well. I am just waiting for his response. I don't know when it will be or what his final decision is.
I do know that I am quite depressed and anxious at the moment.. and still hurting from his reaction though I do understand how this must be so overwhelming and confusing for him so I don't blame him. I just hope he really understands what I am trying to say via my emails.
I don't know if I did the right thing. I want to be loved for who I am.. warts and all. And although I have been dropping hints along the way, after two and half years I finally said quite a lot... which shocked him because I always seem happy and calm and not necessarily going off the rails. And now I wonder, should I have not said anything? If he thinks I am always happy and calm and doesn't know that I have this grotesque monster lurking in the shadows??
Or should I have said it sooner?? I don't know... We had briefly talked about marriage about a month ago and now the entire relationship seems to be falling apart
I have so much else on my plate at the mo and -
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Random thoughts : Evolution of god
by MisfitMeL inhmmmm not sure if it could be termed as evolution of god... maybe evolution of our consciousness?
spiritual maturity?.
some thoughts that occured to me as i was reading a number of threads around the forum... maybe this idea has made an appearance before..... disclaimer : i am no expert in the history of human belief so i won't be surprised if i am wrong on my facts/chronology.. ok so as humans evolved (this is from my perspective as an atheist so if you don't agree, too bad .
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MisfitMeL
Aha! I had completely forgotten about shamanism! Thanks for letting me know Satanus, I shall do some googling on the subject :)
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Random thoughts : Evolution of god
by MisfitMeL inhmmmm not sure if it could be termed as evolution of god... maybe evolution of our consciousness?
spiritual maturity?.
some thoughts that occured to me as i was reading a number of threads around the forum... maybe this idea has made an appearance before..... disclaimer : i am no expert in the history of human belief so i won't be surprised if i am wrong on my facts/chronology.. ok so as humans evolved (this is from my perspective as an atheist so if you don't agree, too bad .
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MisfitMeL
BAH!!!!
*falls down and prays to the god of forums*
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Random thoughts : Evolution of god
by MisfitMeL inhmmmm not sure if it could be termed as evolution of god... maybe evolution of our consciousness?
spiritual maturity?.
some thoughts that occured to me as i was reading a number of threads around the forum... maybe this idea has made an appearance before..... disclaimer : i am no expert in the history of human belief so i won't be surprised if i am wrong on my facts/chronology.. ok so as humans evolved (this is from my perspective as an atheist so if you don't agree, too bad .
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MisfitMeL
Not sure why it got cut off there, but here's the conclusion in whole!!!!
Ramblings aside.... When we understood so little about our environment, the scary things were gods in themselves.... once we learned such natural forces could be tamed or useful, then there were gods behind such events.... needing sacrifices and appeasing to get them to cooperate.
The more we learned, the less we needed a god for every little thing.... so we got rid of the silly ones and grouped the big ones into a single figure. But there were still problems with this, and the more and more we learn about our earth and universe, the less special god became because everything that used to be 'mysterious' now had an explanation and didn't need a wizard behind it.
The realm of god is shrinking and these days the only things he/she still has hold over are the big questions and the afterlife. I know some day we may find the answers to those too. We will never know ALL the answers but do you think as humans progress in their evolution, god will become extinct? Would we then reach a state of enlightenment never known before as
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7
Random thoughts : Evolution of god
by MisfitMeL inhmmmm not sure if it could be termed as evolution of god... maybe evolution of our consciousness?
spiritual maturity?.
some thoughts that occured to me as i was reading a number of threads around the forum... maybe this idea has made an appearance before..... disclaimer : i am no expert in the history of human belief so i won't be surprised if i am wrong on my facts/chronology.. ok so as humans evolved (this is from my perspective as an atheist so if you don't agree, too bad .
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MisfitMeL
Not sure why it got cut off there, but here's the conclusion in whole!!!!
Ramblings aside.... When we understood so little about our environment, the scary things were gods in themselves.... once we learned such natural forces could be tamed or useful, then there were gods behind such events.... needing sacrifices and appeasing to get them to cooperate.
The more we learned, the less we needed a god for every little thing.... so we got rid of the silly ones and grouped the big ones into a single figure. But there were still problems with this, and the more and more we learn about our earth and universe, the less special god became because everything that used to be 'mysterious' now had an explanation and didn't need a wizard behind it.
The realm of god is shrinking and these days the only things he/she still has hold over are the big questions and the afterlife. I know some day we may find the answers to those too. We will never know ALL the answers but do you think as humans progress in their evolution, god will become extinct? Would we then reach a state of enlightenment never known before as we shed the clothes of infancy (And dependency on god's symbolic teat) and mature into adulthood where we are entirely responsible for the heaven/hell we create here on earth? Hmmmm......