DoomVoyager

Joined

• started 39 topics
• posted 670 times   see topics posted on
• send a message

Posts by DoomVoyager

• 
  49

  ARMAGEDDON IS HERE

  by DoomVoyager in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  for real this time, i promise!.

  you may have heard of the collapse of several large us financial institutions this morning.

  the fact that this event coincides with a major natural disaster hitting the us is, according to my parents, 100% conclusive proof that armaggedon has in fact begun.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  DoomVoyager

  I live in a sparsely populated area. I don't think there are enough "goats" to adequately cover one end of the state to the other end. Do you think Joe Hoober will arrange buses to transport the soon to be slaughtered from the densely populated cities to rural areas for scriptural fulfillment? Perhaps the birds will carry some of the carcasses to suitably spread the slain from one end of the earth to the other end? And what about the oceans that separate the continents, perhaps there will need to be rafts of slain bodies to complete the slain-stretching-end-to-end-of-the-earth prophecy?

  Well, Jesus did say that faith the size of a mustard seed could transplant mountains. So I suppose it will be up to the remaining dubs to fultill this prophecy. They will simply exersize their faith in their Lords and Saviours, the Governing Body of the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society, to transplant several million bodies from large metropolitan areas such as New York over to Idaho, Wyoming and such. It'll put a whole new spin on "it's raining men!" In order to cover the seas, there are nowhere near enough people on earth to do that, so perhaps Joe Hoober will whip up some handy-dandy floating dead bodies from scratch and send them off on their maiden circumnavigation of the globe. Since the Internet is a tool of the Devil, perhaps we will communicate with distant friends in the New System by placing messages in the mouths of these floating carcasses and shoving 'em out to sea. They'll be like very slow passenger pigeons, but hey nobody will be in a hurry in the noo system.

  EDIT: On the other hand, there could be a completely different interpretation. Perhaps it just means that Joe Hoober will "spread those slain from one end of the earth to the other" by dismembering them and scattering the body parts evenly over the globe, just as he lovingly commanded that levite to do in the book of Judges.

  As for the life raft, you might want to invest in one of these:

  

  The rubber tent-roof will protect you from Joe Hoover's fireballs as you set sail for Paradise on a sea of boiling blood! Praise Jah!
• 
  49

  ARMAGEDDON IS HERE

  by DoomVoyager in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  for real this time, i promise!.

  you may have heard of the collapse of several large us financial institutions this morning.

  the fact that this event coincides with a major natural disaster hitting the us is, according to my parents, 100% conclusive proof that armaggedon has in fact begun.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  DoomVoyager

  An excellent question, Billy. Let's all turn our bibles to Revelation 14:20.

  "And the winepress was trodden outside the city, and blood came out of the winepress as high up as the bridles of the horses, for a distance of a thousand six hundred furlongs."

  Since we'll all be swimming in blood up to our necks, wearing red clothing will obviously be practical. Wait a minute... won't all the blood just drain into the giant cravasses in the ground? And if not then wouldn't all the evil apostates just be able to swim up out of the cracks?
• 
  49

  ARMAGEDDON IS HERE

  by DoomVoyager in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  for real this time, i promise!.

  you may have heard of the collapse of several large us financial institutions this morning.

  the fact that this event coincides with a major natural disaster hitting the us is, according to my parents, 100% conclusive proof that armaggedon has in fact begun.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  DoomVoyager

  Yeah, all those crevices are going to make getting around a real pain for all the dubs who survive. All you want to do is pick your way through the mountains of rotting babies to scrounge out a bag of milk from the ruins of the convenience store, and there's a giant bottomless pit of death opened up outside your house! Sheesh!
• 
  12

  Welcome to the Middle Ages: 13 Killed in Soccer Riot Due to "Witchcraft"

  by daniel-p in

  1. social
  2. current

  i've heard of riots out of patriotism and team-pride, but this is something else!

  ap report: congo soccer riot over 'witchcraft' leaves 13 dead .

  kinshasa, congo -- accusations that a soccer player was using witchcraft during a match in eastern congo sparked a riot that killed 13 people, a u.n.-funded radio station reported monday.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  DoomVoyager

  On the same note, the selling of "magical amulets" is big business in Congo. Incredibly poor people will spend huge portions of their income on these amulets because they think having an amulet will make all their money troubles disappear. Incredible.
• 
  31

  The WTS lawyers ended the Book Study Arrangement

  by lawrence in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  to hell with the god-given book study arrangement, screw the spiritual table of food, and end the "brotherly fellowship".

  the wts lawyers dictated, "end the home book studies, minimize our liability.

  " and so the arrangement ended with an imprimatur by the wts lawyers, a boe letter, and a km article.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  DoomVoyager

  I agree with Lady Lee. They are staying after the bookstudy... and they are talking.

  Well, not around here they aren't. I do agree that the book study setting is too informal for a cultic organization; they are tightening the leashes, making sure that they can monitor every word that is said.
• 
  15

  Blondie's Comments You Will Not Hear at the 09-14-08 WT Study (CHALLENGES)

  by blondie in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  comments you will not hear at the 09-14-08 wt study (july 15, 2008, pages 7-11) (challenges).

  review comments will be in red.

  wt material from today's wt will be in black.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  DoomVoyager

  yeah Exelder, tell us what you said, unless you are afraid it will reveal your true identity

  Interesting read Blondie. Comments You Will Not Hear are always my favourite part of the forum.
• 
  19

  SHOULD JWS VISIT MONEY SAVING WEBSITES?

  by badboy in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  what is jw attitude on money saving websites?

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  DoomVoyager

  badboy, assuming you aren't a very effective troll, are you like a 13 year old with crippling ADHD? Your choice of username seems to point in that direction.
• 
  49

  ARMAGEDDON IS HERE

  by DoomVoyager in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  for real this time, i promise!.

  you may have heard of the collapse of several large us financial institutions this morning.

  the fact that this event coincides with a major natural disaster hitting the us is, according to my parents, 100% conclusive proof that armaggedon has in fact begun.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  DoomVoyager

  Next year will have its own crisis and this one will soon be forgotten.

  You have no idea. When we were on vacation in a tropical location earlier this year, we observed a "sundog" (look it up). My parents immediately concluded that it was a "sign in the heavens" and that Armageddon had begun!

  Never heard a word about that since.
• 
  49

  ARMAGEDDON IS HERE

  by DoomVoyager in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  for real this time, i promise!.

  you may have heard of the collapse of several large us financial institutions this morning.

  the fact that this event coincides with a major natural disaster hitting the us is, according to my parents, 100% conclusive proof that armaggedon has in fact begun.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  DoomVoyager

  You can call your parents in 2009 about their predictions for 2008. Wish I could - unfortunately I live with them x_x
• 
  19

  How to Endure Meetings Constructively - My Approach

  by Room 215 in

  1. forum
  2. tech-support

  i occasionally attend sunday meetings, either just for curiosity or to placate my dear wife.

  i've recently developed a method whereby i tune out all the proceedings from the platform and audience, and take to reading acts (i've just begun to learn a great deal about roman history via audio cds from the teaching company, which i listen to on my long commute to work).

  the lecturers on these all highly praise the accuracy of the book of acts and all the gospels in general, in terms of their accurate depiction of life in judea and the hellensitic kingdoms under roman rule.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  DoomVoyager

  Heh, thanks. I attended a Polish festival last night, large quantities of kielbasa, beer, and terrible polka music played by red-faced Eastern European grandfathers tend to have a liberating effect on the mind.