Your story reminded me of a chess game, where you trade your queen to save the others and win the game, well done to you. 50 years of service.
I got out at 24 and have realized much of my dreams since leaving, and pretty much have the life I want. I prayed often for my life to be happier, altho I was a regular meeting goer, I was shunned constantly, I never had any true friends and felt lonely, I have a couple of friends now, not many but its better than what I had. Im stronger now, I wish I had said many things in the past but I just wasnt brave enough. I remember going to an elder and crying and asking him what Ive done wrong, why I was so lonely why nobody liked me, he just told me to go away and pray to jehovah, I said to him i go to bed every night and cry and pray to jehovah for 4 years, then he said maybe I didnt have a close relationhship with god which could be the reason why he wasnt hearing my prayers, you need to do more field service etc, i was an aux pioneer for three months, and the month I decided to leave............ I would never do enough, and god isnt backing JWs, just another cult that wants your money, I wonder how much the governing body get a week, certainly more than the bethelites thats for sure. does anyone know what the Governing body get wages wise?