Quandry - That's exactly what happened with her parents. Not only do they realize that I'm not converting, but one thing I forgot to mention was that my wife's sister and her husband were trying to study with my son over the phone behind my back. When I confronted my wife about it and said to her "you know how I feel about this, and if I wont accept this for myself why would you try to do this behind my back by allowing your sister to study with him by phone". My wife apologized and said that she should have told me. I talked to my son about it and asked him if he wanted to study it and he said maybe later. I was outraged that this was being done and you can believe that once my sister-in-law was told to stop, the word went up to my wifes parents. There has definitely been a change in what her family's attitude towards me. They now see me as an opposer and don't look too kindly at me anymore. I just can't believe that after everything I have done for them and my wife, they would drop me like this. I knew that would happen once I finally stood my ground and made it clear how I felt.
SAHARA
JoinedPosts by SAHARA
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21
This is my story
by SAHARA insorry about the mishap on my previous post.
anyway i've been a member on this board for quite a while but mostly just lerking.
i've given just a tease about what my deal is on a previous post but this will be a little more in depth.
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21
This is my story
by SAHARA insorry about the mishap on my previous post.
anyway i've been a member on this board for quite a while but mostly just lerking.
i've given just a tease about what my deal is on a previous post but this will be a little more in depth.
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SAHARA
ziddina- Yeah, I believe in her heart of hearts, she doesn't want to be in this religion either but I also think that she is so against anything else that she may feel this is her only option. Through my researched, I've learned and read others say how careful one should be in confronting or just dealing with loved ones who are JW's but I've been dealing with this for a long long time and it really is draining. I have kids to teach, which I do and my wife doesn't try to indoctrinate them, "yet". You see, I understand that faith is a very personal thing, even between and husband and wife, and I've done my best in walking that tight rope in allowing her some space and not feeding into the Persecution complex, while trying to let my kids learn about life. I have them playing in sports and other activities in school so that they can be exposed to people and ideas outside of the comfort zone of just being around people who think and look like them. It's a real challenge but I'm doing my best.
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21
This is my story
by SAHARA insorry about the mishap on my previous post.
anyway i've been a member on this board for quite a while but mostly just lerking.
i've given just a tease about what my deal is on a previous post but this will be a little more in depth.
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SAHARA
Sorry about the mishap on my previous post. Anyway I've been a member on this board for quite a while but mostly just lerking. I've given just a tease about what my deal is on a previous post but this will be a little more in depth. I am not a JW and never have been but I feel as if I have been a JW and have recently been disfellowshipped and am now being shunned. This story may be a little different and some what complicated but just bare with me. I've been married for 19 years and my wife and I have 4 kids. We met each other in high school and since we had 3 out of 6 classes together we eventually became friends. We both had some family problems when we were in high school and we would talk to each other about them and many other things. Our personalities meshed well and we seemed to be more open with each other than with anyone else although religion never came up. We weren't best friends... but... just friends. After Graduation, we pretty much said our good byes and maybe I'll call you sometime stuff... and left it at that since we both were in exclusive relationships at the time. When the girl I was dating and I broke up, I decided to try to get in contact with her because, well... we got along so great maybe there's something there I should explore and see what she's up to. She had broken up with the guy she was dating just a couple of months before and so it kind of seemed like destiny. We went out a few times, just as friends along with other mutual friends we had. After a while we started dating each other exclusively and then eventually we became serious. Now up to this point, religion still hadn't come up but it was about that time when it would become more important if we were going to become serious. I was a Roman Catholic when we started dating exclusively and I casually asked her what her religion was and she pretended not to hear me. I thought it was strange because there was nothing destracting going on but then she changed the subject. Now, I come from a very large Catholic family with extended family pretty much all Catholic and so there was never any religious tensions when I was young. However, I was at an age too when I started questioning things as I was coming into contact with more and more good people with different beliefs. She finally told me that her mother and grandmother were JW's but that no one else believed in it and her father had been inactive for a few years. I asked her what she believed and she told me that she wasn't sure. I was young and naive and so I just left it at that thinking that in time, she'll come around. I was open minded enough to entertain other points of view and felt that this would be the mature way of looking at things even though I hadn't questioned my beliefs to the point of giving them up. We got along so great and it seemed as if we had some kind of a spiritual connection that I never had with anyone else. I had very little knowledge of most things spiritual but I knew that JW's strayed from what most of Christianity taught. I didn't know enough about all the different theological debates to have a strong opinions one way or the other but I wasn't ready to seriously question my own beliefs either. We were movin too fast, as young lovers tend to do and put ourselves in situations where it was near impossible to keep hormones under control being 18 and 19 years old. Anyway, you guessed it, she ended up getting pregnant. I loved her and wanted to do right by the situation so we got married and I was hoping for the best that someday we could become united spiritually and start doing things the right way eventhough I was becoming a little spiritually confused myself. Now, we didn't get married in the Catholic Church, which was a huge disappointment to my grandparents who were very devout Catholics but I was becoming less and less secure in my own faith. After we got married her mother started putting the pressure on her to study with the JW's and in time, she announced to me that she would. I felt a huge crush, not knowing what to do about it because I knew how unorthodoxed the JW's were but I was still unsure what to do with myself but that just seemed like too far of a stretch. To shorten this story lets just say that she studied off and on with the JW's for years never commiting to getting baptized. One by one, her father, her sister/husband and a couple of cousins fell to the JW's like dominos and I was the only hold out. Because my wife's family live out of state and all of my family and extended family are in the same county, I felt bad for her and would spend every single vacation I have ever had in the last 15 years visiting her family and going on vacations together, mostly camping. I know her family had been trying to win me over by killing me with kindness, and it almost worked. I found myself many times through the years being drawn closer to her family. I enjoyed spending time with them, as annoying as some of of the JW stuff was. Such as asking us to visit on weekends only to find they were at some convention somewhere leaving us at home by ourselves with our kids. Stragegically leaving Watchtower Mags. in the bedroom they let us stay in at their house that says "Do you want to the the Truth", stuff like that. At the same time, I was studying different Christian doctrines on my own independent of anyone teaching me. After years of being passive with our spirituality I began to truely research and investigate all things JW once she got baptized because I wanted to be united with herso bad, I had come to a point that I was willing to open myself up the the possibility. But I wasn't going to just sit down in a bible study with the JW's, oh no... I was going to study it on my own. I really have to say, that I was surprised just how little I knew all of those years. Now, so many things that had confused me through out the years about my wife and her family started to make sence. Especially hearing and reading all the stories of EXJW's, so may similarities in personality and character traits and family dynamics that I have seen. I know now that so much of what confused me through the years is common among those affected by this religion. I have seen my wife change, even the look on her face has changed. I feel like shaking her and trying to get her to wake up, and yell out "this religion is bad news can't you see that." My wife uncles and aunts are all messed up, either on drugs or in jail and I believe it's because they were so scared by this religion that they believe they can never live up to it and have given up on themselves. This was a long, slow and sometimes painful process because my wife was being indoctrinated while not commiting to be baptized because I wouldn't even give it a chance. There was just something in my gut that never allowed me to be open to the JW religion for myself. I had an Uncle who converted to the JW's about 30 years ago and the whole extended family believed he did it because of pressure from his wife. Just a side note, his kids are not baptized to this day and he was reproved because his son had a blood transfusion when he had a transplant about 15 years ago to save his life. I think they were on probation, or whatever you call it because he even had a birthday party for my grandmothers 90th birthday. We all thought that was strange since we knew he was a Witness but he almost got disfellowshipped over it. Anyway after being married for 17 years having 4 kids and teaching my kids Christian values, my wife decides to get baptized 2/2 years ago with the JW's. I was in shock because I was sure she was just confused and pacifying her mother but... no, it was much more serious than that. We rarely talked about religion all of these years because she knew I wouldn't buy what the Watchtower was selling and yet, I wasn't too vocal in being against it until recently. I've told her I've done my own research and I refuse to follow her into the Org. Her family must know this too because they rarely call us anymore, especially her mother. The last time we visited them was about one year ago when the longest we ever went without visiting before was about 3 mos. They don't seem to want to visit us either. When they do call, they do it when they know I'm at work when they use to call in the evening when I'm home and they would give me greetings, not anymore. I now believe that all of these years my wife was pacifying me because she knew I would object once she tried to take the kids to the Hall. She told me she waited so long to get baptized because she wanted to make sure she was doing it for herself. In her early years of her studying with them, I decided to not get too negative about it eventhough inside I was totally against it. I decided to let her do what she needs to do and that eventually she would see how rediculous this religion is. I was way wrong, I had totally underestimated just how strong of a hold the Watchtower had on her. Since her baptism 2 1/2 years ago, she has been spiratic in her meeting attendence. When she goes to the conventions she seems to get gung-ho for a while and then it seems to wear off and the spiratic meeting attendence kicks in again. I would say that this year she has only been to about 6-8 meetings. When I've talk to her about what has attracted her to the Watchtower Society, she just says, "because it makes so much sence." Well that's pretty much where we're at right now and all I can do is to keep on plugging along day to day. She knows I refuse to let the kids attend meetings but sometimes she takes my 5 year old daughter with her because I get off of work late on those meeting days but it's pretty rare. So, there you have it, that's me...
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49
How did you find the strength to leave?
by SAHARA into all of you exjws, i'm sure you've been asked this question one way or the other many times and i'm sure the answer is different for many of you, i'd like to know directly from you never having a chance to hear or read many exjw's answers to this.
knowing that you would be cut off from your family and friends and other consequences for your decision to leave, how did you ever get the strength to do it?
i mean really, i find it fascinating to know that there are so many of you who were at one time very devout, if not at the very least loyal to one of the most successful mind-contol organizations ever who believed all if not most of what the society taught and still you found the courage to risk everything once you accepted that it isn't what it claims to be.
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SAHARA
lOZHASLEFT SAID - "After much suffering and abandonment including losing all of my five adult children and many friends from over 30 years of faithful service...I chose to move on with a new life...and after some years I started to research ...wow...there was a shock..."
This is exactly the kind of thing I'm so amazed at. Now, maybe you didn't really have much of a choice about how your family would treat you once you were disfellowshipped, I'm still very impressed with how people like you seem to be able to see things as they really are, accept it and move on. Most people I think would do everything they can to be reinstated if only to maintain a relationship with their family. What an aweful thing to be put through... I hope you have found some peace.
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How did you find the strength to leave?
by SAHARA into all of you exjws, i'm sure you've been asked this question one way or the other many times and i'm sure the answer is different for many of you, i'd like to know directly from you never having a chance to hear or read many exjw's answers to this.
knowing that you would be cut off from your family and friends and other consequences for your decision to leave, how did you ever get the strength to do it?
i mean really, i find it fascinating to know that there are so many of you who were at one time very devout, if not at the very least loyal to one of the most successful mind-contol organizations ever who believed all if not most of what the society taught and still you found the courage to risk everything once you accepted that it isn't what it claims to be.
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SAHARA
To all of you ExJws, I'm sure you've been asked this question one way or the other many times and I'm sure the answer is different for many of you, I'd like to know directly from you never having a chance to hear or read many ExJW's answers to this. Knowing that you would be cut off from your family and friends and other consequences for your decision to leave, how did you ever get the strength to do it? I mean really, I find it fascinating to know that there are so many of you who were at one time very devout, if not at the very least loyal to one of the most successful mind-contol Organizations ever who believed all if not most of what the Society taught and still you found the courage to risk everything once you accepted that it isn't what it claims to be. Whether you converted to another faith or became agnostic or atheist, I'd like to know how you managed to stay sane while changing paradigms and your world view.
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The generation changed is explained in the June 15'th WT!
by life is to short init is here in writing the new generation change.
on page 5 of the of the wt while talking about the annual meeting report.. "john barr gave the third and final talk.".
"john barr made clear that the gathering wound not continue indefinitely.
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SAHARA
With all due respect to everyone here, why would anyone be surprised that so many JW's are swallowing this. How many times do we have to be burned by thinking that our JW loved ones would see through the lies. Whether it's showing them the falsehoods of the past or the current ones. Remember, this is all mind control. Check out this link. I'm not sure if this will take you directly to msn.com but go to this site and select Dateline under "Playlist" and check out the series of videos called "What were you thinking". Look at all six videos. Not sure if any of you saw this when it aired but I thought it was very interesting. Just imagine the indoctrination process of JW's as compared to the experiments that are conducted on this program.
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It's official--I'm out.
by sd-7 in"sd-7 is no longer one of jehovah's witnesses.".
i always imagined this day would come.
i'm not sure exactly how i knew.
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SAHARA
Wow Christopher, you seem to have a clear perspective on your own situation. It's sometimes easy to see others situations better than your own but that does not seem to be the case with you. I am not a JW and never have been but my wife is and was baptized 2 years ago. I didn't follow her into the Organization and your discription of how you think your wife sees you now has hit home which is what prompted me to send my little two cents. Hard to know you with this one post I've read but you really do seem to have a good perspective on matters. If I were a betting man, I'd put my money on you...
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response from Ray Franz on generation change
by isaacaustin inthanks for your letter and the thoughts contained.
others had commented on the latest shift of the interpretation of this generation.
as you recognize this allows for an unending extension of time and likely stems from an awareness of the approach of the year 2014 marking 100 years since the date of 1914.. .
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SAHARA
I know many may be critical, but different people need different things in life, and I need God. I just wish I could find him.
jdhf you hit the nail right on the head for me. I feel exactly the same way coming from a Roman Catholic backround. Early in my youth I was naive about all the theological debates and growing up in a large Catholic family, I naturally followed along. I married a woman who had JW relatives and in a few years time my wife fell for it all. I felt a need to be united in faith with her so I decided to do some serious research into the Org. without just committing to a bible study with them because I knew I was pretty weak in my knowledge of scripture and I know I would have become one of their statistics. Because of the Organizations Anti-Catholic teachings, I began to question everything I ever knew about God. Not just the teaching of the Church but all of Christendom since the Watchtower bashes it all so hard. I began to think that maybe the Watchtower might be the Truth. I felt myself falling for it all too but there was this gut wrenching feeling that told me something wasn't right with the Organization. Then I got a hold of Rays Cricis of Conscience and a whole new perspective on the inner workings of the Org. opened up for me. I believe this book played a major role in keeping me out of the Watchtower, although my wife is still in. The problem is that the Watchtower focuses so much on the negatives of other religions with arguements that seem logical that it twisted my spiritual compass. I need God, I love God and I believe he exists but the Watchtower really did a number on me and my wife. This Organization was the catalyst for my own crisis of conscience which is not necessarily a bad thing but because I began to question everything it has been hard getting my equilibrium back. People keep saying to question things and never settle but doesn't that mean that you will never have your equilibrium and never really have faith?
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Please help re:objections to Thanksgiving?
by M.J. inwhat are the standard jw objections to thanksgiving?
do they claim there is any kind of a scriptural basis for condemning it?
i plan on asking someone about this and i'm curious what types of reasoning they might try to throw at me.
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SAHARA
Hello everyone, this is my first post.
I've been married 18 years and my wife was baptized a JW 2 years ago but was studying with the JW for years off and on before she was finally baptized. Her parents and sister/husband live in Arizona and we live in California and they are JW's as well. For years, my wife would have Thanksgiving dinner with me and my family on Thursday and on Friday morning we would go to her parents house in AZ for the remainder of the weekend and they would have a family get together on Friday night but never call it Thanksgiving obviously. Turkey never made it to the dinner table but it was obvious what was going on. I think the only reason why they didn't have their "Family get together" on Thursday is because my wife and I are having Thanksgiving dinner with my family in CA. Sometimes we go to AZ after Christmas through New Years for vacation and I can tell you that they do celebrate New Years although, again, no one would say happy new year or anything but they would stay up late and drink some. These kind of psychological tricks are necessary, in their minds, to keep up the appearance of being "no part of this world", as they see it, rather than admitting to themselves what is obvious to everyone else which is the need to be different over rules common sence and reason. It's as if JW's say to each other "I'll lie to you and you lie to me". I just can't explain it any better than that...