Posts by BonaFide

64

Has anyone lost a friend or known of someone who committed suicide over BORG-induced guilt?

by Alpaca in

jw
friends

i am not going to use any names for this because i don't want to cause potential hurt to anyone.. there was a very nice family in my congregation when i was a teenager.

step-dad, mom, and her 4 kids.

the dad became an elder, had a great business, the mom spent lots of time with the kids.

BonaFide

208

Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions regarding "attention seekers"?

by BonaFide in

jw
friends

we all love it when people pay attention to us or our opinions.

but what i am talking about is people who crave and force attention from others.

not just people who talk a lot, but those that force everyone around them to focus on them and them only.. in one of my classes there is a woman who raises her hand to ask a question, but never really has a question to ask.

BonaFide

IsaacAustin, I agree with you. It strikes me as funny that a topic about Attention Seekers is hijacked by an Attention Seeker.

At least it gives more evidence of what an Attention Seeker does.

I hadn't known what Trevor did, no wonder so many on here are skeptical.

BF

40

In the past 20 years, have you seen a balanced, educated adult not raised by JW parents get baptized as a JW?

by BonaFide in

jw
friends

i am not criticizing those who have gone through depression or a traumatic experience.

nor am i criticizing those who were raised as a witness as i was.. but i am curious to know if any of you have seen a person from the territory, not a relative of a witness, no recent tragedies or emotional problems, not a young runaway, not a drug user, but an educated adult who began a study with jehovah's witnesses, and eventually got baptized.. when i was a missionary, i met a gilead couple who had been in their assignment for 19 years.

i asked them about that.

BonaFide

I am not criticizing those who have gone through depression or a traumatic experience. Nor am I criticizing those who were raised as a Witness as I was.

But I am curious to know if any of you have seen a person from the territory, not a relative of a Witness, no recent tragedies or emotional problems, not a young runaway, not a drug user, but an educated adult who began a study with Jehovah's Witnesses, and eventually got baptized.

When I was a missionary, I met a Gilead couple who had been in their assignment for 19 years. I asked them about that. They had 10 Bible studies at the time, but they were teaching them how to read, etc. The husband said, "Yes its true that people who are educated don't come into the truth unless something shakes them up, like a tragedy, then they realize they need a hope."

I was out of this country in my assignment for years, but since I have been back in the past 9 years, every person I have seen baptized has either been raised a Witness, has some emotional or mental problems, or severe learning disabilities such as not being able to read, or a young teenager, or very elderly from a convalescent home. I am not judging them, I have my problems too, but what about people who DO NOT have severe life challenges or who are very elderly or very young?

I was trying to sort of bring up the subject a few weeks ago with the conventions coming up. I said "Wow, seems like no one gets baptized unless they are raised a Witness, or they have some tragedy in their life." So another one of my friends said, "Well, what about 'Jane'? She just got baptized and she is from the territory?" I said, "True, but I know she has some emotional challenges." They said, "Yes, that's why it took her a long time to get baptized, because of her depression she sometimes can't get out of the house for meetings. But she is so happy that she has the hope of the Paradise, that helps her."

So, what have you all around the world seen as far as baptismal candidates goes in the past 20 years?

BF

35

Have any of you had the experience of listening to a Witness' sad story, and not being able to tell them, ITS BECAUSE YOU ARE IN A CULT!?

by BonaFide in

jw
friends

tonight i went out with some witnesses for coffee.

one is an elder, and the others are pioneers, etc.

two of them had a sad story of how other elders had treated them lately, and one talked about how the elders in her hall won't give her any assignments.

BonaFide

Chicken little, I have a friend like that. She was even interviewed on an assembly awhile back talking about her depression. She is on meds, never married, in her 40's, so, so sad. She has no idea its because she's a Witness. She always talks about Armageddon.

BF

35

Have any of you had the experience of listening to a Witness' sad story, and not being able to tell them, ITS BECAUSE YOU ARE IN A CULT!?

by BonaFide in

jw
friends

tonight i went out with some witnesses for coffee.

one is an elder, and the others are pioneers, etc.

two of them had a sad story of how other elders had treated them lately, and one talked about how the elders in her hall won't give her any assignments.

BonaFide

Tonight I went out with some Witnesses for coffee. One is an elder, and the others are pioneers, etc. Two of them had a sad story of how other elders had treated them lately, and one talked about how the elders in her Hall won't give her any assignments. The elder talked about how hard it is to find work "in the Last Days of this System" since he has been pioneering since a teenager. He didn't go to college and has a hard time making a living.

It was just so sad listening to them talk, their lives are conflicted, two of them are still single "for the Kingdom" and lonely. The others have various greivances.

And it's all related to them being a Witness. Lack of education, lack of coping skills, having elders who think they have holy spirit directing them telling you what to do, personal judgment of other Witnesses, a trapped feeling of having to conform, guilt over what they say and do, my my my.

It's just sad. I wish I could tell them, "MOST OF YOUR PROBLEMS ARE BECAUSE YOU ARE IN A CULT!!!"

BF

208

Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions regarding "attention seekers"?

by BonaFide in

jw
friends

we all love it when people pay attention to us or our opinions.

but what i am talking about is people who crave and force attention from others.

not just people who talk a lot, but those that force everyone around them to focus on them and them only.. in one of my classes there is a woman who raises her hand to ask a question, but never really has a question to ask.

BonaFide

Chickpea, very interesting points. Thank you, I will do more research on those personality disorders. Funny how I used to just think some people are weird, seems like everything has a diagnosis now.

BF

208

Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions regarding "attention seekers"?

by BonaFide in

jw
friends

we all love it when people pay attention to us or our opinions.

but what i am talking about is people who crave and force attention from others.

not just people who talk a lot, but those that force everyone around them to focus on them and them only.. in one of my classes there is a woman who raises her hand to ask a question, but never really has a question to ask.

BonaFide

We all love it when people pay attention to us or our opinions. But what I am talking about is people who CRAVE and FORCE ATTENTION from others. Not just people who talk a lot, but those that FORCE EVERYONE AROUND THEM TO FOCUS ON THEM AND THEM ONLY.

In one of my classes there is a woman who raises her hand to ask a question, but never really has a question to ask. She talks in this special voice of importance, stumbles around, and when the instructor tries to pin down the question, she says, "no that's not what I mean." She always has terrible accidents, stories of people taking advantage of her, people treating her bad. If it's not about her, she will try to make it about her.

In my opinion, there is someone on this board that hijacks threads, makes accusatory comments, and says crazy things. In fact, that persons only real motive seems to be to get attention, because nothing with that person is ever resolved. Many on this board fall for it and actually address her comments. You can tell by reading a few threads that she skillfully avoids answering questions, and is good at "baiting" the board to rile people up.

At a shoe store a few weeks ago, a woman overheard me talking to my friend about good work shoes. She offered a suggestion as to where we could purchase a good pair. We tried to be nice, and thanked her. But no way would she let us go. She said, "I just want to tell you one more thing..." and then would keep going. It was almost like she WANTED us to be rude to her. I gave her 5 minutes, and then I said, "Well, I have to go, thank you for the chat" and I walked away. She followed us all the way to the door of the store trying to tell us "one more thing" and even followed us outside towards our car, but we just kept walking.

So, my way is usually to give the person the benefit of the doubt at first. I talk a lot myself anyway, so I try to be cool. But when it becomes obvious that their motive is only to take up others' time, then I give them a minute or two, and then I say thanks and walk away no matter if they keep talking. If someone phones me like that, I talk for a couple of minutes, then I say goodbye and hang up.

I have seen these kinds of people both in and out of the Organization.

What is your experience? Do you know people like that? Any success on helping people like that? Or do you just cut them off and say bye?

BF

22

I would like to know if you have succeeded in helping your friends or family SLOW DOWN in their zeal as a JW

by BonaFide in

i have read thousands of posts on this forum, and i am finding with all your experiences that however hard we try, it's difficult to actually get a family member or friend to disassociate themselves.

after all, some of us are still "active jw's", right?.

but, i have been noticing that some seem to have accomplished enough with questions and comments that at least their family members or friends are less active as jw's.

BonaFide

47

WTS causing more anguish

by GapingMouth in

i don't really know where to start on my first post; i feel i have so much to say and yet i am so emotionally tired that it is hard to go through it all again in my head.

but, i do need support and advice and so i will make the effort.. i started having doubts about certain beliefs of the witnesses about 2 years ago and did research since that i now come to the belief there is no god, and witnesses definitely are a cult.. at first it bothered me more on the god issue, but now i am more bothered by the cult issue, mainly because it dictates my life even though i am aware of it.. when i was a child, my mother and father divorced and my mother told me i will live with my father because she was going to die at armageddon being a non witness.

i think, as well as many other pressures i cant list for fear of a very long post, this was the main pressure that made me get baptized even though i wasn't that happy being a witness.

BonaFide

Gaping, welcome to the board. I am sorry you are going through so much.

You will read a lot of comments on here, such as get out now while you can, get a new life, leave the JW's, etc etc. Some will imply you are chicken if you don't or a wimp, or stupid.

But many of us on here are active Witnesses. I was raised a Witness, and I was a missionary for years. We are trying, little by little, to get our family and friends out. I just started a thread on whether some have been able to help their family member or friends be less active or less believing, even a little. One of my friends goes out in service less and less, ever since I mentioned to him that there are 94 million more people on the earth every year, and that it is impossible to preach to all of them, in fact most people have no idea what Witnesses believe. At first, he didn't like it, but little by little he is preaching less.

I think reality and his reasoning powers are working on him.

So, in my opinion, think hard before you speak. I almost got in huge trouble last year for blasting my family about the JW's teachings. I have calmed down now, and I work underground. I am hoping that my comments and questions here and there will work.

You will read a lot of opinions, think hard before you act on any of them.

BF

22

I would like to know if you have succeeded in helping your friends or family SLOW DOWN in their zeal as a JW

by BonaFide in

i have read thousands of posts on this forum, and i am finding with all your experiences that however hard we try, it's difficult to actually get a family member or friend to disassociate themselves.

after all, some of us are still "active jw's", right?.

but, i have been noticing that some seem to have accomplished enough with questions and comments that at least their family members or friends are less active as jw's.

BonaFide

I have read thousands of posts on this forum, and I am finding with all your experiences that however hard we try, it's difficult to actually get a family member or friend to disassociate themselves. After all, some of us are still "active JW's", right?

BUT, I have been noticing that some seem to have accomplished enough with questions and comments that at least their family members or friends ARE LESS ACTIVE AS JW'S.

So, how many of you have been PARTIALLY SUCCESSFUL in helping someone to be at least less zealous as a Witness, or to doubt the elders' absolute authority? Have you helped someone to be more critical in their thinking? Or to reason more about some of the teachings?

Seems to me with a couple of friends I have, that after some of these conversations about how many billions haven't been reached yet, and how the elders' make mistakes, and how the teaching's change, they are not quite as zealous as they were. One of them told me he "took a day off" last weekend instead of going to the meeting.

Could this be the way to bring the Organization down, little by little, brick by brick, doctrine by doctrine?

Experiences and comments and criticism welcome.

BF