In California chaperoning was alive and well 3 years ago when I left. I had a friend who was 34 and in good standing and had 3 kids ages 7, 12 and 14 she was dating a brother aged 29 (also in good standing) with a 3 year old son. As you can imagine they had no privacy, took the kids everywhere with them and still got counseled on what a "proper chaperone" is (your kids don't count). Being a mom I can say kids are the ultimate chaperone even after your married. Nothing like kids to cut in and curb even the most voracious sexual appetites. {:)} The whole thing is such a joke!
Nobody in the congregation ever really wanted to chaperone for other couples and they wound up being so desperate to see each other they would have to ask the least popular and strange ones along. Then it got even more specific with people being judged on the supposed spiritual strength of their chaperone. Oh and of course other dating couples were not allowed to accompany as chaperones (even double daters needed the fifth wheel to avoid compromising behavior) This is to pathetic for me to go on.
hungry4life
JoinedPosts by hungry4life
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39
Anyone Remember The Chaperone Thing?
by Englishman inback when i was a lusty young lad of 17, a certain sister caught my eye - i swear that she could make her eyelashes beckon - and i duly decided to pay court to said sister.. however, it was not to be so simple.
round about that time, it would have been mid-60's, the wtbts were having a real downer on anyone who wore a short skirt (not me), danced the twist or grew their hair (me) over their ears.. but, the worse thing was still to come.
folks, i am talking about chaperoning!
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hungry4life
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Adjusting to the Non JW life
by SillyGirl ini've been "out" for almost 2 years now.
i still haven't fully adjusted.
what do you guys do about holidays?.
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hungry4life
Those are tough decisions you are facing. I will share my experience and philosophy and I hope it might help. If nothing else in knowing that you are not alone. When I left my girls were young (10 months and 5 years). At that time I was not convinced that what JW's taught was not the truth ( alopt has changed in 3 years)But it felt so wrong that I could not go on. Not long after I stopped attending the holiday issue came up and was an especially pressing issue because my oldest daughter was starting school. I thought back to my experiences through the years and came to the conclusion that the people I had seen most hurt within the ortganization were the ones that had been barely hanging on (and their children). You know the ones that came to 1 or 2 meetings a month and never met for service but still refused to let their kids celebrate holidays. The ones who showed up only for the memorial and other "special" visits and had few friends but yet would not allow their kids to have "worldly
association". I decided then and there that I would not sit on the fence (pardon the expression) or Wallow in my own confusion and drag my children into this sink hole with me. I began to celebrate holidays. It was tough at first I had to fight back guilt and uncertainty at times. but I kept in mind that the half way out people who allowed the guilt to control their lives suffered the most. I could not do that to my family. Though celebrations were something that I had to get used to at first,when I saw how happy and emotionally healthy my kids were I knew that I had made the right choice.With time I have come to realize how ridiculous the anti-birthday and holiday teachings were. I am glad that for the most part I don't have to unteach these to my children the vicious cycle is broken. We have beautiful pictures and wonderful memories instead of guilt and paranoia. -
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Quips and Quotes
by Frenchy in"...it does not take deliberate lies to develop mistaken beliefs.
at times, we just misread things.
how many people have met untimely deaths doing something they believed was right?
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hungry4life
It is not the easy or convenint life for which I search but rather life lived to the edge of all my possiblity. unknown
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What do you drive and why?
by Escargot inwell, a post on the good ol days got me thinking about the vehicles people drive and why.
in the jws, a vehicle had to be appropriate for service, four doors, holding at least five.
i remember back in 1978 i bought an mgb and the brothers had a fit (hehe), i was selfish, etc.,.
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hungry4life
I drive a Honda Civic EX for it's reliability and simple good looks. It's a 2 door so I supposed I am rebelling too. Boy I don't miss service and especially the rural teritories. One time at Borg Camp during my pioneering days. I had a an old junker, I was out with some elderly sisters we went to a home and the ladies dog accidentally got out it was pouring rain and she was very upset so the sisters who had gone to the door started to follow it. I tried to help and we wound up at a dead end street (oops I had forgotten my reverse was out). The other sisters couldn't drive so they had to push me so that I could turn back around. We got the dog but they were soaked. Not a pretty sight but a hilarious memory.
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So Will This Be Your First Christmas?
by Englishman infunny how the prospect of christmas takes me back to my pre-dub days as a 7 year old.
christmas eve was spent making my present request list, duly guided by both my parents as to what to ask for.
once completed, the coal fire was stoked up and the precious list was allowed to be carried up the chimney where waiting elves promptly delivered my requests to santa.
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hungry4life
Since I started celebrating christmas 3 years ago I did not have any ornaments. My daughters and I started the tradition of picking up small souveneirs on every family vacation or outing and turning them into ornaments. Our tree is really starting to look great and it is nice to have a reminder of all the special things we have done together through the years. (many of the items are not christmas related but just reminders oof the trip at desperate times we have even picked up keychains or laminated concert stubs but the overall effect is beautiful).
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Bumper stickers
by target insaw this one the other day.
"jesus loves you!
everyone else thinks you're and asshole"
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hungry4life
Coffee, Chocolate and Men they're all better when their rich.
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why do jws fear getting 'priveleges' revoked?
by Bgurltryal infrom what i understand these privilages aren't much of a privilage!.
i'd be wearing a fake beard just to get them revoked.
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hungry4life
Hmmmm Great quote where did you get it ?
Would you mind if I added it to my signature?
Up until this point I hadn't found anything I liked enough. Thanks for sharing it, I will wait for your response. -
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Experiences: How you know it ain't the 'truth'
by LDH inplease post your experiences here for any lurkers to read.
when i was a teenager, there was a young lady early 20's who had moved into our cong.
she had a newborn son and had just married her worldly boyfriend, the father of the baby.
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hungry4life
About 9 years ago the elders asked me to study with Leah a young lady(12 years old) in our congregation in order to help support her and her family who were going through tough times. ( the mother had been baptized about 4 years and faithfully brought her 3 daughters to all the meetings. But her husband was not a witness and had recently left her). I became friends with the entire family they were delightful and well balanced people. Spiritually minded and very close.
They got through the tough times and she eventually remarried a wonderful brother in the congregation . Her mother and I became close friends but I still maintained a special big sister relationship with leah.
By now she was 15 and had started to express herself by dressing a bit differently (you know like Doc's with her dresses, mild stuff ,always modest). Basically it was just the style and she was not the only one. She was doing well had gotten baptized a couple of years back and was auxillary pioneering pretty regularly (home schooled). She also colored her hair a dark brown and cut it short (really looked cute).Well this elder who was raising two of the geekiest kids I have ever met. For the boy greased hair parted down the side and slicked over the top,ill fitting, mismatched ,polyester
suits and for the girl old lady dresses about 4 sizes to big, she could not wear any make up or jewelery or wear her hair any way but straight and long. Forced home schooling and no other kids in the hall were ever good enough to be their kids friends. You know the type over the edge extreme.One day in service ( I was pioneering too) his daughter and leah got assigned to same car group with me,(he was not directing). Immediately after the meeting the elder went up to our group and coldly and loudly informed us that his daughter could not join us with Leah dressed the way she was(let me tell you she looked far more presentable than his daughter). He harshly took her from our group and out with someone else. Leah was devestated she had never so much as been counseled on her clothing and was not in bad standing in any way. Soon after she was called in to see the elders and they "counseled" her on her attire. Of course this pious elder was on the commitee.
About two months after that I had some of the young ladies in the congregation over for a get together. I am not sure why but that elders daughter confessed to us that she was lonely and bored she felt like a geek. She told the whole group she couldn't wait to get married and have sex 5 times a day. She also told us that her parents would never even let her talk to a boy (she was 16)but related that she knew what they looked like from having seen her brother(11 months older). She laughed and told us how once her parents had come home and caught them but she told them " I just wanted to know what a boy looked like"and pretended it was the first time and they dropped it. I could not beleive my ears, this arrogant elder is making innocent young people feel like dirt, over the length of their hair or type of shoes. No one is allowed to associate with his precious darlings and the whole time those two are engaging regularly in god only knows what type of sexual activity! and both parents knew and looked the other way.
This was too much for me. (No I didn't go tell the elders I wasn't stupid). The whole thing pointed me to the realization that the whole thing was a sham. People pretending to be something they are not and using criticism of others to elevate themselves.
Additionally children's lives were being destroyed because they were not allowed to have a normal, developmentally appropriate existence. No sports, college , holidays, extended family (outside the org).No friends, proms ,dances, boots with dresses,no dating till you were ready to marry, no room for personal decisions and expression. No wonder kids are leaving in such high numbers.
You cannot protect your children from living and growing up. Stifle their actions,muzzle their words, isolate them from society, label everyone else as a lower being. Kids will still think for themselves, still come up with ways to explore and experiment and decide for themselves.
I for one would much rather take the chance on having my children grow up in the real world with true morals and take a chance on the occasional mistake (and haven't we all made those)? Than risk destroying my relationship with them , forcing them to lead double lives and perverting their natural sense of right and wrong.
I have not put in all the details of the girls story nor have I put in all the details of her fathers tyrannic rule over the congregation. But I hope that I have said enough for you to understand the ugliness of the situation. And why it was at that point that I began to question whether staying in this oppressive religion was in my children's best interest.
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How many unanswered questions?
by sleepy inhere's something ive been thinking about.. just how many unanswered questions are there?.
what questions do you want answered ?.
what things are definatly known what are not?.
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hungry4life
My eight year old has always wanted to know why god made mosquitos, what is their purpose in the circle of life? and why do they have to drink blood?
My four year old would like to know why she has to go to bed, why she has to eat at the table, and why her older sister is mean.
My question is how did I managed to get sucked into a cult and where did I get the strength to get out? Most importantly how do I use what I have experienced and learned to help others?
I am still in college so any career suggestions would be welcomed.
Also:
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop or halfway through one of those giant jaw breakers? -
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When and Where D'fed or such....
by StifflersErSlayersBrother ina while back there was a post on when/where baptised... i thought i'd do the complete opposite :).
as for me.... sometime in the near future maybe
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hungry4life
I have been out just over 3 years and have never been so much as reproved. I still live in the same town although in a different congregations territory (I did live in my old congs. territory for 18 months ) I had the elders come to my door only once (funny cause when I was in they used to say they visited all inactives every year ). I have not hidden from them, my number is listed and I have yet to ever even receive an invitation to the memorial let alone a door to door visit. When the elders did come they asked why I did not attend meetings anymore (this was Fall of 99). I explained to them that since I had been a loyal witness I had taken their advice not to work or go to school, in order to more fully partake in the witnessing work(i.e. pioneer). I also explained that since my JW husband had left me (they knew all about it they had DF'd him). I had no choice but to work in order to support my family (after all this is the bibles command , I did not want to be worse than a person without faith
and since I had few skills I was attending school at night in order to improve my circumstances and live above poverty level (I know selfish of me huh). They did not criticize me nor did they offer to help in anyway (never had). They said they understood and asked if it would be o.k. if they asked one of their wives to call on me. I said no it would not, I explained that it had been over a year since I had left and with the exception of one phone call from an elderly sister no one had even attempted to contact me or encourage me in anyway. (It was obvious to them that I was not hiding). I let them know that I was not comfortable with them obligating their wives to "befriend" me and that it would be far from encouraging for me since even my closest friends (elders wives) in the congregation had chosen to avoid and ignore me during the most difficult period of my life.( This despite the fact that before my husband was DF'd I was in the "center of the congregation" and that his disfellowshipping was not tied to my actions in anyway). They had the inside scoop on all that had happened and knew I was telling the truth. I also asked them where they had been a year ago and told them I was hurt by their actions (or lack of them). They apologized saying they were imperfect ( I know hard to beleive)I was crying and again I stressed how much pain this had caused me (more to the story ,too long to post here maybe someday I will put it in the experience section) I asked them to leave as my children were home in their room playing and I did not want them to see me this upset. They agreed and left. I have not heard from any of them since(2 years ago). I don't know what to make of it, My biggest theory is that since I have no family in the org and was not associating with anyone I had nothing to lose (thus no pressure) so why bother to try to DF me. Then again I also feel that they knew the way they handled my husband's disfellowshipping and our subsequent divorce was pretty shoddy and felt some guilt. My points were valid and even though I was at times harsh my responses were honest. What do you think? In the long run it was the best thing that ever happened to me, and I will never go back. I have not DA'd cause I will not play their game. I am not a witness and I do not need their authority to leave. (sometimes I wish they would stop back by, I am so much stronger and have a much clearer understanding of the WT farce. They wouldn't get off so easy next time).