I found it tremendously helpful to spend time talking to a professional therapist who was familiar with these specific circumstances and issues. He was able to show me the faulty 'programming' I was operating with and provided some tools for working past the JW conditioned nonsense.
I was a born-in, and left at age 18. I thought that simply separating myself from the religion would be enough to render me 'ok', but it wasn't. A decade later I was still tripping over all the learned dysfunction from my quite painful childhood.
If you're needing some help here, but aren't in a position to see a therapist, at least do some reading and explore the concepts of cognitive distortions and automatic thinking. Learn what's at work in your JW-addled brain that's making you so frustrated. Know what you're up against. Then you can start to make things better.
As difficult as this is, this is well-traveled territory. You can learn a lot from others who have tread this path...
hybridous
JoinedPosts by hybridous
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5
where to find help
by dogisgod ini was having a conversation with another ex jw about difficulties when you have been a born-in and indoctrinated from birth.
it just is so disheartening that if and when you do wake up and leave that all that crap is still in your brain.
you just can't unplug.
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hybridous
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Famous last words spoken by every jdub at one time or another
by nowwhat? in"oh i'm not going to worry about it, armageddon will be here by then!".
-including me.
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hybridous
"This might be the last Christmas season we have to get through...."
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On and off again JW girlfriend
by Crzysin inhello everyone, i have an on and off again ex who is a jw.
each time her family gets involved and she's gone again.
i'm debating biting the bullet and doing the work to become baptized, so we can follow through with our engagement.
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hybridous
The emotional cost of breaking up will be infinitely smaller than what you will both bear, should you undergo this.
It's clear that you don't *really* fully believe in the religious doctrine (if you did, we wouldn't be having this conversation).
You will not be able to fake your dedication to this cult. It will wear you down
It will put a big cloud over your marriage. A cloud that only YOU can see, but can't talk about and resolve. You'll be miserable, or maybe insane from trying to convince yourself that you're happy, and it was all worth it.
She's not worth it. No one is.
I used to think I knew someone who was, but I was wrong. Now I realize that I couldn't have been right in that regard, because you (or I) can't live a life for someone else.
Don't do it, even if for her sake. If you pretend to believe (but really don't), she will feel deceived when you eventually give out.
Good on you for putting this out there. There are people in this crowd who know. Look at the overwhelming message you're getting... -
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Roll Call for the benefit of Newbies and Lurkers. In One Sentence tell why you left the Org.
by Wasanelder Once inroll call for the benefit of newbies and lurkers.
in one sentence tell why you left the org.
not 2 sentences.
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hybridous
Hypocritical parents and an extraordinarily miserable childhood made up my mind for me.
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A funny idea about dating in the paradise...
by JW_Rogue inhow in the hell would it ever work?
everyone is youthful, everyone is perfect, everyone's personality is loving and kind.
how would you choose somebody?
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hybridous
So I wonder, why would perfect people have to spend time dating, to see if they're compatible and want to commit to each other?
I mean, if you're each at an optimum level of perfection, wouldn't you both know right away? Love (or not) at first sight.
Then if it's not a go, smile, shake hands, and resume picking fruit. If it's on, you blissfully skip away holding hands, thankful for that small intimacy in an eternal and sexless marriage that death will not rescue you from... -
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How do you deal with people who do not like you?
by usualusername1 inhi guysin the last year i have started to socialise a lot more.
namely comedy and a tennis social club.. for a variety of reasons i find socialising tough.
in my tennis club a couple of women have been extremely rude to me and i have blocked one from my phone and refuse to speak to both.. is my behaviour extreme?paul.
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hybridous
When I find someone dosent like me i curl up into a ball and cry tears of frustration and shame. I rock back and forth and convulse uncontrollably until dehydration finally makes my tears cease and hunger forces me to drag myself out of my darkened room to forage for sustance. I spend months rebuilding my self esteem and hope and pray that noone else hurts my precious feelings until i can recover.
Yes. We can totally tell that's how it is with you.
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How do you deal with people who do not like you?
by usualusername1 inhi guysin the last year i have started to socialise a lot more.
namely comedy and a tennis social club.. for a variety of reasons i find socialising tough.
in my tennis club a couple of women have been extremely rude to me and i have blocked one from my phone and refuse to speak to both.. is my behaviour extreme?paul.
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hybridous
Used to really bother me when I knew someone didn't like me...
Of course, it did - I had no integrated and independent sense of 'self'.
All there was, was what others thought. Of course, I was a born-in JW. I was conditioned to seek approval at all costs.
I became more jaded with time. I saw that the others I was seeking approval from were full of flaws, themselves.
I experienced that they could be dishonest, prejudicial, hypocritical, cowardly...
After some time stewing in my disappointment over what others were not, I lowered my expectations. -
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This probably sounds uppity. I'm saying it anyhow
by stillin inhas anybody else noticed a pattern that is here among us outcasts?
there seems to be, on average, a higher level of intelligence here than there is at the kingdom hall.
actually, intelligent conversation seems to be looked down upon among the witnesses.. also, the simple language skills found here seem to be above average compared to those among the witnesses.
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hybridous
“The mind, once stretched by a new idea, never returns to its original dimensions.”
Emerson(?), Holmes(??)
Doesn't matter who said it - it's true... -
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The laziness of JW parents....
by stuckinarut2 init struck me that the society has created a culture of lazy jw parenting.. rather than parents being there to guide and direct and help their children through all stages of life, the gb / society has become the "go-too" for everything.. if the child has an issue, there is a wt article for that.. does the child need help with something else?
ah, there is a caleb and sophia cartoon for that.. what about that other topic?
ah, there is a book for that.. so rather than being present parents, the average jw parent simply outsources their parenting to the organization!
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hybridous
I liked tor's comment, because I remember my parents being exasperated, and taking their frustrations out on me/us.
But as I've grown older, I've learned that much...MUCH of their exasperation was beyond that which is simply part-and-parcel to parenting itself, and instead was selected for, due to their devotion to the JW religion.
In other words, the JW religion made all things harder, no things easier, all things worse, and no things better, and they bore their share of that burden as parents...which is only fair, since we bore the rest as children.
I have found that the alternative to the cultish imbalance of the JW lifestyle doesn't have to a different imbalance in another direction. There is actually much room and many opportunities to strike a working balance between partaking of the childhood activities forbidden to us by the JW religion, and spending time at home, helping out with homework, playing games, and connecting in meaningful ways through thoughtful conversation.
The JW religion steals so much time and effort. that upon exiting that religion, for the first time in my life, I found myself with a wealth of both (and absolutely no judgement as to where to spend those, but that's a story for another day). -
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The laziness of JW parents....
by stuckinarut2 init struck me that the society has created a culture of lazy jw parenting.. rather than parents being there to guide and direct and help their children through all stages of life, the gb / society has become the "go-too" for everything.. if the child has an issue, there is a wt article for that.. does the child need help with something else?
ah, there is a caleb and sophia cartoon for that.. what about that other topic?
ah, there is a book for that.. so rather than being present parents, the average jw parent simply outsources their parenting to the organization!
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hybridous
Good thread.
I remember this well. For whichever problem(s) I had, mom was there to hand me a Watchtower about it.
I quickly learned that this would be the only 'help' I could expect to receive.
Mom stopped hearing about my problems - and it wasn't because I didn't have any...