Welcome! It certainly is a burden you're bearing...one that many here have had to bear as well. You're in good company.
You said you have been trying to strictly read the Bible...Might I make a suggestion on this? If you're only reading the New World Translation, you're not getting the Bible, you're getting the Watchtower Society's interpretation of it. In other words, it's been found that many of the scriptures have been doctored from the original texts in order to more closely adhere to Watchtower doctrine. The person who interpreted it had no formal education in the Biblical languages and admitted as much in court. Much of it supports Watchtower beliefs, but another Bible like the King James for example, wouldn't. So, basically, they make the Bible say what they need it to say, not tell people what the Bible ACTUALLY says. You would do well to get a good Bible that is as accurate as possible. One of the other Christians here could make a suggestion for you... I know I have the New International Version...but I like it because it reads like a regular book, not with some of the downright confusing syntax of the NWT.
Just a thought.
Also, when it comes to "reaching out", there's a lot of pressure lately because most young men simply DON'T WANT TO. So it's hammered into them that they should...but only if they meet a Field Service Hour requirement. Yet the Bible states the qualifications of an overseer, and nowhere does it say they have to put in 10 hours per month. THAT is a Watchtower rule, not a Biblical rule (much like other rules they have about women wearing only dresses or skirts to a meeting, men not having beards, women not being allowed to give talks to the congregation, not taking blood...). These are man-made rules. Remember what the scriptures say about those who add to them or take away from them? Think about that. Now think about whether the Watchtower adds to the scriptures... Jesus came to ease the burden of the people, according to the Bible...because the Pharisees were putting way to many ridiculous rules and regulations on them. He said "My yoke is kindly and my load is light". Now, I ask you...when was the last time you felt like your burden was light when it comes to worshipping god? Meetings, field service, assemblies, conventions, studying for all of the aforementioned...plus working a job that you have to schedule AROUND those things. Now think about all the rules the Watchtower has that are NOT Bible-based... Is that a "kindly yoke"? Is that a "light load"? If you can't answer "yes" to those questions, then the only conclusion is that the Watchtower is not following Christ...therefore, it's not the real truth, nor is it Christian.
