Posts by Morbidzbaby

28

Net site for ex-jw dating, any out there?

by jam in

jw
friends

i was thinking about this because it appear that so many.

young ones are coming out.

person i would want to date was a ex-jw.. i look at the young lady my son is dating and they have.

Morbidzbaby

LOL Tater...just watched that movie last night. BF had never seen it so we bought it a couple of weeks ago and he has since watched it about 4 times LMAO.

If holidays are uncomfortable for you, maybe learning the history behind them (the real history, not the WTBTS revisionist history) will help. I don't celebrate Christmas as the birth of Christ or anything like that (Atheist...and not even 100% sure that he existed). I enjoy secular Christmas and some of the Pagan roots play a part for me as well. I see it as a time to enjoy family, to give, and to share love.

Something that helped me a lot in my relationship was explaining JW's to my boyfriend. He was (and is) genuinely curious about that part of my past because it has shaped who I am in a way. Letting him know that certain things were still tough for me because of it has eased a lot of potential issues. If you see a relationship forming and becoming serious, maybe letting the person in and telling them about it will help them to be more understanding. Because, to an outsider who doesn't know about that part of you, not calling your mom on Mother's Day just makes you look like a bad person who doesn't give a crap about his mom. It looks weird. Not celebrating certain things and not being able to explain why something makes you uncomfortable only makes a person look like a sensitive weirdo to someone who is ignorant of the triggers from your past, know what I mean? So when you have let someone in enough, make it a point to discuss it. Hell, a lot of times people will tell you right off the bat what religion they are or were raised in. That's a great opportunity to explain.

Also...perhaps doing a bit more healing for yourself is in order before involving someone else. You mentioned reading CCMC...read Releasing the Bonds as well.

43

I feel sad when someone relatively new on this board signs off because they have been offended by some posters comments

by smiddy in

jw
friends

many people who" become jw`s" through the ministry are people who are , at the time , in a vulnerable state.

{ lets face it had you been in your right mind you would never have accepted it right ?}.

many of the people who are" born in" are by that very fact vulnerable they never had a chance and were indoctrinated from an early age .. of course their going to have a lot of issues to deal with that history shows can take many years to shake off,if at all.. all i`m saying is i think we should give people a lot more space,and allow them to see the bigger picture that we can show them on this site,give them time to absorb the information thats available on this site,some of the things you learn here is a bit much to take in at first,beleive me i`ve been their .

Morbidzbaby

Jeez, NC...your post there described an ex friend of mine! We were friends for 20 years (lost touch for a long time because I was raised JW and I wasn't allowed to speak to her after school let out) and this is exactly how she is. I was literally her only friend. Everyone else steered clear of her. I gave her so much over the course of 2 years, spent thousands of dollars to help her out when she had nothing for her baby, planned and executed her wedding (food, decorations, flowers, the cake...I did it all...even makeup and hair). She paid me back by stealing my boyfriend, guilting and manipulating me into giving them my "blessing", and then turned it all around on me and said if I was really happy with my new man I wouldn't have said anything to her husband about what she had done (I saw him at the market and he asked me why I didn't hang around with her anymore so I told him the truth...and that he needed to watch his kids around the guy she was dating...his drinking had gotten WAY out of hand and he was being verbally abusive to her and the kids and had threatened to slit my throat and leave me where no one could find me...I figured their father might want to know who was living in the house with his children). She basically made it seem like this was all my fault and I was opening a can of worms and messing up HER life lol. Her husband told me why he ended up leaving...she's thankless, talks shit behind everyone's back about how she's been so wronged (including talking about me behind my back when I was living with her and helping her more than she deserved), and she's just a bad person. Now that I'm reading all this, it seems she's probably a Borderline. And it also seems I'm even more grateful that I wrote her off and refuse to speak to her anymore lol. Oddly, we've been pregnant at the same time 3 times (including now...a FB friend of hers who is a very good friend of mine told me she's due in August...I'm due in September). Totally not planned. Makes me think she was either a close friend, sister, or nemesis in a past life LOL.

As for being nice to people who are new here, I agree with being gentle with certain people. Those who are questioning the beliefs, those who have faded or were DF'ed, etc. Some people are obvious trolls, and some come here just to spout long diatribes about JW beliefs and how true they are. Those can easily be ignored and will eventually stop if not given attention. But some people come here truly broken and hurting and looking for a place to vent, to get support, and to get some clear thoughts on things. It's sad when THOSE people are turned away because of the attitudes of some here. For example, I'm an Atheist (no secret), but I wouldn't call out someone who was hurting and lost over realizing the JW's are not the truth and then shatter their entire world by telling them there's no God, either. I might gently suggest some reading material and suggest really educating themselves on certain theories in order to make the decision FOR THEMSELVES. But jumping on someone, name calling, making them feel bad about their cherished beliefs...is wrong and heartless. Now, I might make a snarky comment in a thread that's turned into a debate...hell yeah! If it's someone who has been here a long time and knows the "rules of the playground", then I have no problem calling them out on ignorant statements (and have done so).

But, I guess what I'm trying to say is...we need to be a little LESS like JW's around here. One thing I've noticed is a complete double-standard. For instance, one poster came here and started a thread. Someone attacked him for using Watchtower lingo even though he had been out for awhile. Others jumped on that bandwagon and roasted this guy for using Watchtower phrases, claiming he wasn't as healed as he thought he was because he was using Watchtower language. Then, not long after, another poster gets roasted because they AREN'T using Watchtower language or they don't use the words the Watchtower uses to describe something like disfellowshipping. I mean...What the fuck, people?? Make up your damn minds! And then I see long-time posters using words like "The Organization" (I myself use it from time to time) and they're the same damn people that harp on others for using those same words. It's hypocritical, it's a double-standard, and it's very "Watchtower-esque".

28

Net site for ex-jw dating, any out there?

by jam in

jw
friends

i was thinking about this because it appear that so many.

young ones are coming out.

person i would want to date was a ex-jw.. i look at the young lady my son is dating and they have.

Morbidzbaby

Personally, I don't think it's a good idea. The first thing that pops into my mind is: "What if down the road they decide to go back??" If that happened, then you'd be in a committed relationship with a JW and you'd be no better off than you were before...especially if you're a fader and were never DF'ed or had never DA'ed. You might either get pulled back in by pressure from your spouse and elders, or you might get DF'ed for the life you were leading. It's not worth that chance to me.

I've gone on JW dating sites (years ago) and that was how I met my ex (MISTAKE). I think that anyone recovering from the JW mindset needs to be completely free and clear of it. Being in a relationship with someone who is in the same boat may not be healthy, as issues may continue to arise in one or both parties, putting strain on the relationship.

For example, I did meet my bf online, but it was on a message forum and we talked a long time before we decided to become serious and actually be together. In other words, we didn't start out looking for a relationship. It just kind of...happened. We realized we got along really well and were very supportive of each other emotionally and mentally. He is not (and has never been) involved with JW's in any way. His world view gives me perspective, and vise versa. When I have my moments where things from my past creep up and cause me to react a certain way, he calmly asks me "Baby, what is this? What's going on?" and will listen as I try to explain or try to figure it out myself.

There are ways to find someone suited to you (even your soulmate if you believe in that kind of thing like I do), but having the JW's as a foundation seems like "building your house on the sand". If that's the first thing you have in common, I feel it could be a dangerous thing down the road.

13

It's my 2 year JWN anniversary!

by serenitynow! in

jw
friends

yay!

my jwn anniversary has more significance than my jw baptismal anniversary.

i have changed so much since i first started lurking here.

Morbidzbaby

YAY!! Happy Anniversary!! Thank you for sharing your journey with all of us and for helping others as well!

35

Your advice please on "Scriptual Divorce"

by karter in

jw
friends

my ex and i have a legal divorce.. she asked me to write a letter to the b.o.e so she can get a scriptual divorce.. she said she had spoken to the c.o.b.e ans they would take no action against me as i haven't been to a meeting in about 12 years.. my reply "ok get him to put that in writing".

so do you think they will put that in writing?.

and would they take action if i did write the letter giveing her a scriptual divorce?.

Morbidzbaby

I wouldn't put a damn thing in writing for these people. Go on and live your life. If your ex wants to date and re-marry (highly possible if she's asking for a statement from you that you've been with someone else), then she can do so without you being involved. I wouldn't give them a minute of my time or the ink from one of my 50 cent pens. In time, if she finds you've been with someone else (you re-marry or start living with someone, for example) then she will be free according to their rules to pursue a relationship with someone else. But just because SHE wants to play by their rules, that does not mean you have to...nor does it mean you have to do anything to accomodate or placate her. You live your life, she can live hers.

4

Introductions

by Gorbatchov in

jw
friends

when i read today the introductions of new jwd members, i got the feeling that worldwide many of the members of the congregations have their doubts and are fading away from the watchtower community.

personaly it makes sense for me.

1) to see i'm not allone 2) to see that there is realy something going on!

Morbidzbaby

You'll miss what was... Before you opened your eyes. Sometimes I miss some of the people I knew and I wonder how they are (mostly the young teens I would spend time with in the congregation...I was like a big sister to some of them). But then I remember a dear sister who was single and older and died of breast cancer...and how hardly anyone was ever there for her, even though she was faithful and a wonderful person. And I realize that these "nice" people really don't care about others unless they are in the same circle of friends, and even then it's superficial...if their best friend decided to change beliefs, they'd drop them like a "bad associate".

Unfortunately, we can't help the path that was chosen for us generations before our birth...but we CAN choose the path that we will take now, and the fact that future generations don't have to be subjected to what we were.

You will heal, slowly, but it will happen. Sometimes things from my past creep up and I react a certain way to things and I have say "Hold on a frickin' minute...this isn't ME...this is the CULT me...".

Your family never missed meetings, etc because they didn't know the truth and were happy to remain brainwashed and faithful to a corporation. They simply were ignorant. You are not. While it's hard because you want to be loyal to them, if you don't believe in an afterlife, they don't know either way whether you stick with it or you don't. I personally believe in reincarnation, so I do think that they are aware of the mistake they made during their life...and are possibly hoping you stick to your guns and start living instead of wasting what life you have left. I think they'd be proud of you for taking a stand...because they know now that they were wrong.

18

Ellen DeGeneres Addresses Her JCPenney Critics

by whereami in

jw
friends

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_znktttaxcs&sns=em.

about time good ol' bill gets it right:.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhevu64pzsa&sns=em.

Morbidzbaby

That woman (the one on the O'Reilly video) is amazingly annoying. Homosexuality is being engrained in our culture in "alarming ways"??? WHAT?? Like...how? A person is gay and says they are, and that's engraining it in our culture in an alarming way? C'mon. She seems to be in the same camp as those who say that people who are gay are in the same category as those who engage in bestiality or pedophilia. They see no line of demarcation between them. It's a ridiculous argument, one that holds no water and cannot be backed up by facts.

But what CAN be backed up by research is the fact that gay couples are less likely to be abusive or neglectful to their children than heterosexual couples.

A spokesperson for a business isn't shoving their lifestyle in the collective face of America...They're being the spokesperson for that business, and that's all. It's saying "I'm famous, I like shopping here, I like this product or that product, and I think you should check it out".

Forgive me, but Jessica Simpson isn't the brightest crayon in the box and she as the spokesperson for Proactive...and they sold a lot of zit banishing kits. Now it's Katy Perry. So, is Proactive encouraging girls to be dumb bimbos and grow up to get married and divorced less than a year later? I don't think so.

The Million Moms (40 thousand LMAO) are simply attacking Ellen herself because they disagree with her sexual preference. If you don't like people being gay, that's your right. But don't fuck with someone's job and their livelihood because YOU disagree with who they sleep with.

92

Pre-emptive shunning - a growing reality

by cedars in

i'm scanning through some of the results from the 2012 jw survey as they're coming in.. the most populous of the six voting categories with 76 voters so far is my own category, for those who are inactive, or "faded/fading" (not disfellowshipped or da'd, but no longer reporting time on the ministry).. one statistic already leaping out at me surrounds the question "do you experience 'pre-emptive shunning' from active witnesses, who view you as 'bad association'?

" of the 74 who voted on this so far, 76% have answered "yes" to this question.. it's early days, and obviously i will have a clearer picture of the extent of the problem once the survey closes at the end of the year.

however, the results already in suggest that pre-emptive shunning is widespread among inactive ones, despite this not being an "official" policy of the society.. i was interested in your opinions as to why this may be?

Morbidzbaby

JV~ That's heartbreaking... She needs people the most right now and they're leaving her out in the cold. What a bunch of douches.

My own experience is much like that of others. I started fading from meetings (at first because of work, but then because I didn't want to go). I wasn't shunned at first... I "blame" this on the fact that my parents were both very active and my dad often took up for me and offered reasons why I wasn't there. Eventually when I quit going altogether, I was shunned. There was one time the car group had to pick me up at home because my mother was out in Field Circus and had left her car at the hall, so they all came to get me and bring me to where I was going. The silence in that car was deafening. I got maybe one or two "Hi" and "How are you" comments, but that was it. I used to make baked goods for my mom to take to the service group, and they wouldn't call me to say thank, you...they'd call my mother and tell her to tell me thank you...even though they had my number.

On to the present. I don't hear from ANY JW's. At all. Not even my parents unless they have something they need to send me. I called to say hi to them last month and they couldn't even be bothered. And this was after 3 months of radio static from their end. They didn't care that I was calling. I basically got a "Thanks for letting us know your health is okay". Um. Yeah. Cause that's the whole reason I called...to tell you I don't have syphigonnaherpelAIDS. The only other JW's I have any contact with are my ex and his wife, and that's minimal (she's either yelling at me and calling me names or he's insisting I sign over my parental rights). Other than that, NADA and I like it that way.

On a side note, I'm also living with my boyfriend (and have been for awhile) and we're having a baby... Neither my parents nor my ex and his wife know any of this... So it has nothing to do with why they shun me. They do so because I don't go to meetings and I refuse to accept Watchtower teachings, even though I still read the Bible allegorically sometimes.

10

76 Trombones ripped off?

by EXMS in

jw
friends

has anyone watched the music man?

ever notice how familiar the song '76 trombones' sounds?

i can't remember, thank god, what song it is in the song book....follow the warrier king?

Morbidzbaby

Yes...I remember thinking that every time we sang "Follow the Warrior King" at the Kingdom Hall. Quite a few Kingdom Hellodies seemed ripped off...

48

Jesus Was but not IS Michael!

by free thought in

jw
friends

to honor the son is to honor the father.. i am a practicing jw who i believe is of the heavenly calling.

this post is not to criticize wts but to open honest discussion among mature followers of christ.. there has been much controversy around the wts doctrine regarding the arch angel michael.

as many are aware, wts believe that jesus in his pre-human existence was michael , gods first born.

Morbidzbaby

This is one belief I never could subscribe to. Firstly, why would his name be Michael in heaven, but Jesus on earth? Why change his name? When Gabriel spoke to Mary, it was KNOWN that he was Gabriel. So why not state that the baby's name should be Michael? Surely he would remember at his baptism who he was once he received that good ol' Holy Spirit. What was the deal? Was he in "Witness" Protection or something?

Secondly, if JESUS is ruling in heaven since 1914, then where does Revelation get off calling him Michael if he is NO LONGER Michael? Makes no sense.