Pre-emptive shunning - a growing reality

cedars

Hi everyone

I'm scanning through some of the results from the 2012 JW Survey as they're coming in.

The most populous of the six voting categories with 76 voters so far is my own category, for those who are inactive, or "faded/fading" (not disfellowshipped or DA'd, but no longer reporting time on the ministry).

One statistic already leaping out at me surrounds the question "Do you experience 'pre-emptive shunning' from active Witnesses, who view you as 'bad association'?" Of the 74 who voted on this so far, 76% have answered "yes" to this question.

It's early days, and obviously I will have a clearer picture of the extent of the problem once the survey closes at the end of the year. However, the results already in suggest that pre-emptive shunning is widespread among inactive ones, despite this not being an "official" policy of the Society.

I was interested in your opinions as to why this may be? I'd also like to hear experiences from inactive ones as to the extent to which they are shunned by friends/relatives.

Cedars

dozy

This was one aspect of my "fading" that really surprised me , maybe because I always had a pretty tolerant attitude towards people who were no longer JWs. I think that JWs are so often told that worldly ones are bad association that they are increasingly becoming pre-disposed to shun anyone who leaves , or even is becoming "weak" in JW terms. It almost becomes a badge of honour when they can tell other JWs that "I don't have anything to do with xxxx any longer , until he / she returns to Jehovah".

I'm shunned by virtually all my family even though my wife still attends & I still go to the memorial & the odd wedding or funeral at the KH. Even my father has told me to my face that I am a "bad associate" though he wouldn't say that to my siblings , some of whom have committed fraud and / or adultery.

I think the simple fact is that most JWs have so many associates / friends who are witnesses that it is quite easy to "drop" friends. This is often done very quietly , without any warning. For example , for about 10 years I have exchanged jokey newsy texts / emails almost on a daily basis with a JW who is an old friend. Suddenly , presumably when he discovered that I had stopped going to meetings , the emails & txts stopped. I carried on sending them , but nothing came back. Eventually I emailed him about why he had stopped contact & he mumbled some excuse about being too busy with work etc. ( I know this is rubbish because the emails are copied to other people who still get them. ) And this guy isn't even a strong JW - though an elder , he swears , drinks to excess , etc etc.

Phizzy

I think the subliminal hints in the WT literature, and the words of C.O's etc go in to the subconscious of the average dub and they think it is already a WT directive. hence it is quite a widespread practice.

This is the usual introduction by stealth method that the WT uses, they are probably hoping that the practice will become more or less ubiquitous and they will not have to put anything in print, which could be embarrasing to do, the DF policy is hardly supported by scripture, shunning the inactive/fading is definately not.

This may well come back to bite the WT in the bum, if you or I are to be treated as badly as they treat DF'd ones then why should we not go all out in our opposition to the cult ? we have nothing further to lose.

At present, those of us merely "inactive" choose to keep a low profile, but if they are going to shun us anyway, then they can expect a backlash.

jean-luc picard

I was shunned by a certain more distant member of my family, before my JC ( which I did not attend).

Official WT policy is/Was, that you do not shun someone until after the public anouncement is made.

The idea is that the person has seven days to appeal, or even change his mind, sorry repent.

Incidently, this person has since been disfellowshipped/ reinstated/ sexually abused a child,

NOT disfellowshipped for that, etc etc

This person is a deviant.He didnt follow WT "guidelines", but in fact doesnt follow any normal guidelines.

Maybe the "less" faithful dont really understand what the are " supposed" to do.

cedars

Thanks to everyone for the input so far...

dozy - yes, your experience is particularly disturbing, especially given that other family members who are arguably more reprehensible through their conduct enjoy unrestricted contact with your parents. This is hypocritical to say the least. I have also experienced "email shunning" to a limited degree, although I still get emails from some friends who are oblivious to the fact that I am inactive.

Phizzy - you are right in saying that the Society's passive support for pre-emptive shunning may backfire on them. By making inactive ones subject to the same foul treatment as those who are disfellowshipped, they disincentivize these ones to remain with the organization, thereby encouraging them to withdraw their tacit support and go on the offensive.

Cedars

designs

Pre-emptive shunning begins with the Society's policies about 'Bad Associations' within the congregation, we were taught early on to look at weaker Witnesses with suspicion and if we heard about apostate speech we were to 'turn them in' to protect the cleanness of the congregation.

Gad that was a mindful of judgementalism.

truth_b_known

My family was victim to this.

We were in the midst of an unintentional slow fade. My work schedule was the main contributing factor to our low meeting attendance. Having to work 2 to 3 double shifts on the weekend to make ends meet killed our field service participation.

We attended a one-day special assembly, which I had to trade and work a double shift just to attend, and I noticed that those whom my family associated with seemed rather distant. The big giveaway was after the afternoon session. Traditionally we always got an invite to go out to dinner. This time we didn't. In fact, all of our friends in the congregation were going to the same restaurant. No one invited us.

What gets me is the fact that the Watch Tower Society thinks this shunning garbage works as a pre-emptive way to get members to change. On the contrary; that was the finally nail in the coffin for my wife, who was not a born-in. I started down the road of an intentional fade from that point forward.

punkofnice

Very good thought Cedars.

Yes. I was shunned by an uber-pioneer elder's wife after I'd missed just a few meetings. Word had swiftly got around that I had committed the worst ever sin.

Yes! I QUESTIONED THE WATCHTOWER ORGANIZATION!!!

One day she rang ans I knew woh she was because of caller display but I pretended to be ignorant. 'Mrs Punk please!' the rude voice demanded.

Me 'Who's calling?'

Voice 'Is Mrs Punk there?'

Me 'No. Who shall I say called?'

Voice 'Never mind.' Click whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I told Mrs Punk with a wry smile what had happened and she uncomfortably tried to make out it was all a mistake or that I was exaggerating.

Yes. I agree the pre emptive shunning is down to the stance the WBTS already takes about whom JWs should associate with. It implants the fear that someone like me is 'contageous' and the poor uber-pioneer might catch my 'mental disease'.

'Apostates' and 'Demons' are EVERYWHERE in JW folk lore. Best to avoid anyone who isn't at the 'center of the congregation'.

leavingwt

IMHO, it has always been this way.

If a particular JW is a mover and a shaker, considered exemplary and used on Circuit and Disctrict parts, then he or she must only associate with 'weak' ones at the Kingdom Hall. Associating with 'weak' ones ouside the Kingdom Hall would call his exemplary status into question.

If you're not attending most of the meetings and you're not going in field service (with the group) each Saturday morning, make no mistake: The exemplary clique is talking behind your back. You're a spiritual loser in their eyes.

Sort of sounds like a cult.

Kahlua

My experience has been mostly no shunning. As a matter of fact I had lunch last week with my brother who is now an elder. Since moving back closer to family I have met him for lunch 3 times and he is very nice to me and the few times I spoke to him on the phone when we finished the conversation he said 'love you'. I was rather shocked at that as he and I had never been really close.

He is married to a convert who is now a pioneer. My sister in law was the instigator to start a shunning campaign against me back about 20+ years ago. At the time I had been inactive several years and had allowed a boyfriend to move in with me. Because of the BF she got the whole family to shun me. That was near my parents' 40th wedding anniversary. She and my JW sister threw a big party for them and I was specifically not invited. The invitation came addressed to my son and daughter only.

Once I broke up with the boyfriend and he moved out they started talking to me again. Very weird. To this day she is friendly at times and was especially helpful when my dad was sick and passed. A few yrs ago I received an email from her saying their daughter (Bethelite) had told her she was going to have a baby in 3 years. I wrote her back and said that means they will have to leave Bethel. Will they be moving to this area or out west where his Mormon family lives. She never answered so I don't know if she was shunning or at a loss of words once she realized her daughter would have to leave Bethel. Nothing else said about them having grandbabies. I just keep my distance from her most of the time.

One of my younger sisters was DF as a teenager and has been living with mom since shortly after dad died about 3 yrs ago. Mom has never shunned her even though she has 5 kids with a few different guys and is 50 yrs old now. She did a lot of drugs and taught her kids that drugs are fine. Most of them are on welfare and on drugs now.

Even my JW sister does not shun the DF sister. She also does not shun me but did ask me if I was dating. Guess if she thought I was having sex she would have to shun me again. : )

Very Odd people in the cult.

Pre-emptive shunning - a growing reality

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